No-budget Nightmares

Grab your throwing stars and nun-chucks and head to the cemetery for a knock-down, drag-out brawl with episode 33 of the NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES PODCAST featuring Jim Van Bebber’s cult classic DEADBEAT AT DAWN. Your intrepid hosts Moe Porne and Doug “Sweetback” Tilley take to the mean streets of Dayton, Ohio and find a near apocalyptic hell-hole of nastiness, where gangs rule the streets and the only way to survive is to RUN LIKE HELL. It’s messy, violent and OH SO AWESOME, so dive in while we make one last big score.

Todd Sheets. TODD SHEETS. If you had told us all the way back in Episode #5 that less than 30 episodes later MOE PORNE and DOUG “SWEETBACK” TILLEY would be talking to the man himself, they would have called you a liar. A scoundrel. A miscreant. Yet, here we are not only featuring a film he’s actively disowned (1993′s GOBLIN), but also featuring an interview with the MASTER OF SPLATTER TODD SHEETS! Yeah, this is a big one, so call your parents (adopted or otherwise) and get them to listen as Todd dishes the dirt, peels back the layers and gives a VERY SPECIAL announcement about his upcoming film house of forbidden secrets. All here and more on.. NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES.

You could have a steam train, if you’d just lay down your track. Or you could have a SLEDGEHAMMER to the freakin’ SKULL! No, it’s not Peter Gabriel, it’s David DEADLY PREY Prior’s early 80s shot-on-video horror classic SLEDGEHAMMER! Packed to the gills with thoroughly reprehensible (and stupid!) characters, Prior has his cast maneuver the halls of his apartment while avoiding a shape changing, invincible, sledgehammer-wielding, mask-wearing MANIAC! LISTEN to your hosts MOE PORNE and DOUG “SWEETBACK” TILLEY guffaw at the glorious gobs of gore, and ENJOY their mirth towards the macho meatheads who treat their girlfriends alternately horribly and offensively. I’m your sledgehammer! Let there be no doubt about it

OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER! No-Budget Nightmares returns with its 30th episode anniversary spectacular, and you’ve never heard ANYTHING like it. We have listener mail, recorded messages from some of our favorite film-makers, interviews with Oliver Assiran & Les Norris (directors of GORNO: AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY), David Sitbon (who appeared in SUBURBAN SASQUATCH and ANTFARM DICKHOLE), Jim Bultas (director of ROCK N’ ROLL SPACE PATROL ACTION IS GO) and Deric Bernier (who appeared in NIGHTMARE ASYLUM and ZOMBIE RAMPAGE) and hosts Moe Porne and Doug Tilley go over their favorite and least favorite moments and films. Stay tuned for some SPECIAL SONGS, and surprises! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!

You’ve never seen anything like SCIENCE CRAZED. That’s both a threat AND a promise. A Canuxploitation classic of the highest (lowest?) order, NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES hosts Moe Porne and Doug “Sweetback” Tilley can make neither head nor tail of the bizarre pacing, strange dubbing and downright BIZARRE qualities that make up Ron Switzer’s Canadian wonder. It deserves your love, respect and FEAR. Join the cult of SCIENCE CRAZED.

You like vomit, right? No? Well, thrash metal legend Lance Ozanix LOVES vomit. And in 1991 he decided to turn his unique ability to vomit on command into a 40 minute, blasphemous spectacular! HOLY MOLY features finger snippings, demon horns, neon ray-bans and is as ugly as it is entertaining (which is a LOT). Your podcast pals Moe Porne and Doug Tilley dive deep into the netherworld, and come up with delicious bite-sized morsels of fun and frivalty. Take a ride on the NBN freight train, if you WILL.

Move over Herbert West, EDGAR ALLAN LOVECRAFT (seriously) is here! Full of more panty-headed partiers than you can shake a syringe of “reanimating serum” at, REANIMATOR ACADEMY is an aquarium of laughs that features a smattering of gangsters, a gaggle of decapitations, and prostitutes by the bucketful! If you listen carefully you can hear hosts Moe Porne and Doug “Sweetback” Tilley slowly lose their minds (and heads!), before eventually finding serenity in the sweet embrace of death. PLUS Another chapter in the mysterious REDNECK COUNTY FEVER saga! ALL THIS AND MORE!

GREETINGS, TRUE BELIEVERS! This week we have a film from GERMANY, or – I should say – GOREMANY, because this episode is jam packed with organ meat, decapitations and TEETH DRILLING. Splatmaster Olaf Ittenbach cut his teeth (HA!) as a dental technician before churning out some of the nastiest low-budget violence that Deutschland has to offer, and he started his career making nihilistic shot-on-video nonsense like 1997′s THE BURNING MOON. Listen to Moe Porne and Doug Till-E-y fumble their way through the their first international feature – and there’s listener feedback, too! EXCELSIOR!

Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen, because it’s time for Mike Stanley’s immortal (GET IT) DEAD IS DEAD, starring the bearded, bowl-mulleted auteur as the hunky lead. THRILL! as Moe Porne and Doug “Sweetback” Tilley try to unravel the ancient mysteries of who these people are, and what the heck they are doing. And what’s up with those mutants?! If the leaden, awful dialogue doesn’t get you, the incomprehensible editing certainly will, and it’s all on (audio) display on the latest NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES PODCAST.

Pull out your cleaver and slap on some greasepaint, because it’s time to dive headfirst into 1985′s BLOOD CULT, which is notable as (not quite) the first straight-to-video feature film – and not notable for anything else! Featuring a septuagenarian hero, DOG MURDER, exciting driving music, DUMMY MURDER, and the geekiest love interest since REVENGE OF THE NERDS, BLOOD CULT is a nasty bit of video violence; and is greedily lapped up by your hosts Moe Porne and Doug “Sweetback” Tilley. We make learning fun!

Grab your laser gun and surprisingly large communicator pack, this week NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARE is featuring the 2005 Troma-distributed sci-fi comedy ROCK N ROLL SPACE PATROL ACTION IS GO! Featuring one of the most BIZARRE endings in low-budget cinema history, and plenty of goofball antics, your intrepid (and SEXY) hosts do battle with the villainous DR. SPIDER JONES while tackling the mysteries of temporal ninjas, RED ARROWS and much, much more. It’s as much fun as can possibly be squeezed into 90 minutes. JOIN – US.

Antfarms! Dickholes! They go together like peanut butter and chocolate, and are FINALLY brought together in Bill Zebub’s WTF bizarro no-budget opus ANTFARM DICKHOLE. Featuring: Wedgies! Ants! Dickholes! Bikinis! Rampant nudity! Wang bananas! And ANT-EATER ACTION. Moe Porne and Doug Tilley WATCHED the damn thing, and now you’re going to listen to them stumble and sigh their way through talking about it. LISTEN TWICE! IT COSTS THE SAME!

Zombies. Zombies? ZOMBIES! Yes, the immortal TODD SHEETS is back on NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES, and this time our intrepid hosts are dumpster diving into his 1989 debut ZOMBIE RAMPAGE. It’s his goopiest, craziest and – oddly – most impressive feature, even if much of it MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. You’ll never wash the stink off yourself, so you might as well get down with the hosts with the most(s). ENJOY.

Grab your cross, garlic, machetes, throwing stars, and AIR BRUSHED TITTIES as this week on the NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES podcast we’re covering Sean Gallimore’s ridiculous action/horror film VAMPIRE HUNTER. Packed to the gills with martial arts action and incomprehensible dialogue, Moe and I get DOWN AND DIRTY with the Hunter, and its bizarre, ultra-90s theme song. The power of Christ COMPELS YOU to listen!

I’ve seen fire, and I’ve seen rain, and I’ve seen a Sasquatch with drawn-on abs and big ol’ boobs! That’s right, this week on NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES is the modern low-budget classic SUBURBAN SASQUATCH from director Dave Wascavage! COWER in terror as Bigfoot severs limbs, drinks blood and growls confusingly. We love it, and you’ll love it too!

HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE! This week NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES brings you a tender aw-shucks meeting between a demented HOLLYWOOD STRANGLER and the murderous SKID-ROW SLASHER as directed (sorta) by the legendary Ray Dennis Steckler. Who likes bums? We got ‘em! Both literally and figuratively! It’s tons ‘o fun and chock full ‘o nuts, so grab your switchblade and start rambling on and on and on.. because we’re about to get sleazy.

He’s a NINJA! But.. also a ROBOT. Actually, ROBOT NINJA doesn’t really feature a robot or a ninja, but it *does* contain a sociopath comic book writer inadvertently causing the death of many innocent people. It also has face stabbings, head stabbing, stomach stabbings and BODY MODS. But that’s not all! How about a little BURT WARD? How does that sound? J.R. Bookwalter followed his classic THE DEAD NEXT DOOR with this nuttiness, and MOE PORNE and DOUG “SWEETBACK” TILLEY are here to reap the rewards. OW. MY NUTS.

Yes, after a brief, dramatic interlude your hosts Doug “Sweetback” Tilley and Moe Porne have returned to explore the depths and heights of ultra-low-low-low budget cinema. This week we cleanse our palate with Todd Jason Cook’s 1995 zombie opus DEATH METAL ZOMBIES, featuring choreographed head-banging, gut-munching, UNFORTUNATE UNDERWEAR and lots and lots of DEATH METAL. Shengar commands you to listen!!

HIP HOP LOCOS. BARELY LEGAL LESBIAN VAMPIRES. THE SUMMER OF THE MASSACRE. We’ve talked about plenty of terrible, no-good, very bad films here on NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES, but GORNO: AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY might very well trump them all. A sickeningly pretentious attempt at aping the “teenage debauchery” sub-genre dominated by Larry Clark and Harmony Korine, it uses film as a blunt object in which to hammer its audience into submission. And it sucks. Terribly. This is a very special ANGRY episode, where Moe Porne and Doug “Sweetback” Tilley let loose with both barrels on a very deserving target. One way or another, you’re going to get covered in spittle. Enjoy.

Ah, Todd Sheets. So we meet again. NIGHTMARE ASYLUM pushed us to our limits, but that was a cake-walk compared to the BLOOD-CURDLING TERROR present in SORORITY BABES IN THE DANCE-A-THON OF DEATH. Who likes incomprehensible dialogue? How about acting that would be booed off the stage at a kindergarten play? We’ve got crotchety old men and a bevy of ladies in mom jean-shorts and bulky, early 90s sweaters! We’ve got eyeball tricks, wooden stake-fu and a plot that only runs 69 minutes and *still* feels overlong. There’s much madness here, so join Sweetback and Moe as they celebrate Todd Sheets’ birthday in fine style – you’ll be glad you did.