Regular Features

I've got a tummy full of lentils and I'm ready to burn down a house. But before that, here's another episode of Regular Features. In this one, Log tries to clap eyes on a houseworth of elusive alpha boys, Steve tackles the insidious influence of Big Pharma, and Matt tests out Log's uncanny ability to commune with condiments. Wow!

This week Steve, Joe, Matt and Gav go on an adventure to space to meet a long lost Uncle and then crash back down to earth to deal with a naughty virus.

IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO BECOME ONE WITH THE INEFFABLE COSMIC CLOUD THAT IS SOME FEATURES. SNIFF THE DIRTY SPACE DUST THAT CAME OUT OF THE PUSSY PALS. MARVEL AT THE NEBULAN LIGHTS COMING FROM A CONSTELLATION OF A WELL YOU ARE COMPELLED TO SMELL. BUY A TOUCAN LAMP. IT’S ALL GOOD BABY JUST BE COOL WITH IT.

"Get that Grizzly out of my sandwich stash, Mr Hargreaves - or I'll jam my Capri-Sun straw in his bunghole." This is just one of the things you'd have heard at our primary school, where one of the teachers was an unruly Bear. But after he let a starving child lick honey off his paw, everyone saw that perhaps he was a human being after all. Here have some brand new features! Including the return of TWO characters from TWO YEARS AGO! Who, you ask? Good question! We weren't sure either

Sound the horns, see the signs, taste the mud, smell a hedge, touch a friend, because this burr-rand new episode of the Regular Features podcast is a sensory overload. Log discovers a kindred soul with a love of big boys to match his own, Joe has unearthed Uri Geller's application to join the government, and Steve has invited an old food critic friend around to explain the latest culinary craze.

Welcome to the new Millennium. Here is a podcast that is exactly the same as it always was and always will be. We're not changing and if you ask us to we'll scream and we'll scream and we'll scream and then tell you to fuck off. HNY!! xx

We're in between Christmas and New Year's, in that curious period of time that lately has come to be known as St. Goochmas Week. Gav is walking Coco and talking loco, Steve is plane, train and automobiling himself entirely inside a National Express coach, and Joe reintroduces us to a very special Secret Santana. Happy Christmas, readers.

Hope you've got some paper towels ready, because it's time for another Regular Features, the wettest and heaviest podcast in town. This week, Joe and Gav investigate the wild world of minor celebrities openly debasing themselves for small amounts of money. And that is frankly all that's worth mentioning about this episode.

Have YOU voted in the 2019 election? If you have then here's a special podcast as a present just to say thanks.

It's shocking. It's frightening. But you can't look away. You cannot take your eyes off it. It is episode 374 of the Regular Features podcast. Joe has discovered the only thing in this world that can bring unity to the British public, Log dips into his bottomless well of altruism, and Steve lets you in on the secrets to buying the perfect Christmas tree. Let's go, madame, you've heard enough.

It's time to get down and dirty with your three favourite boys. Favourite 1 & 2: Joe and Steve are in the studio with lovely/funny features. Favourite 3: Gav interjects with a tale about presents and revenge.

Look, it's just Steve and Log this week, so you can expect about twenty minutes of low-energy discussion on the topic of sandwiches cut with some top-notch King whimsy. Everybody else will be back soon, please be patient with us during these trying times.

It's a guilt bonanza as Joe, Log and Steve collectively decide to write almost entirely about religion for reasons that will probably become terrifyingly clear to them on their deathbed (they're all going to die together in the same bed). Read E.H. Macmillan's incredible Bird comic here: https://twitter.com/m4pala/status/1192299673479835648

This week we've got features galore - you've got yer Log, you've got yer Steve and even a Gav. What more do you want from us?!

This week we bring THREE spooky stories from Steve, Joe and Gav. Don't have nightmares. And if you do, it's not our fault. It's Matt's.

Joe returns to his beloved Instabae, the Spoonbending Wizard of Israel. Log panic-writes a sea-faring ballad with NO TIME LEFT, and Matt takes the subject of his dodgy guts, and really runs with it. We cannot apologise enough about the sheer amount of excrement in this issue

Well well well, if it ain't a Reader, come crawlin' back to my Regular Features Saloon, cap in hand, hopin' for another dose of that features medicine y'all need so much. I betcha want a little bit of Log trying to be business-like, or a story from oooool' Matt about his mouse dealings. Haha I betchoo even want a bit of Joe contributin' nothin' of significance because his feature was retroactively deemed bad. OK OK you can have a lil sip this time, but DON'T expect me to take such kindness on you in fyootcha. PTOOIE! I spat a tobacco to show you I mean biz-i-ness. PTOOIE!!!!

This week Joe goes DEEPER into a certain festival photo and Steve enjoys a bit of brunch. Gav is also in attendance and is a very important part of the podcast and NOT just because he's writing this.

In this episode, Steve invites us into his favourite bush, Joe continues the interactive Orphean squash journey of Clive Nationality, and all of Log's wasp knowledge comes out in one foul and educational outburst. You love to see it.

Woah there Nelly Furtado, would you just look at the length of this absolute unit of an episode. Either we had way too much fun recording it, or whoever was in charge of editing this one waved through a lot of garbage that should have been cut. We'll never tell! Log wonders what happens when the Hungry Hungry Hippos do brunch. Joe reviews Chichester's local taxi company. And Steve (as well as not being up to date on the latest developments surrounding queer representation in The Last of Us 2, sorry) has a stand up routine about self-service checkouts.