School Of Schlock

As any Cybertruck enthusiast can tell you, vehicles of the future are a big deal! Especially if that future is rife with warlords, raiders, survivor compounds, and other Mad Max-inspired dystopian fixtures! Join us as we talk all about angular truck designs, the failures of a patchwork aesthetic, and of course John Ratzenberger. Prepare to live shiny and chrome through our review of Battletruck! Time Stamps: 0:06:20 - Background 0:16:20 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:19:35 - Notable Scenes 0:35:45 - The Good 0:41:25 - The Bad 0:55:10 - The Ugly

Last time we tuned in to Bert I. Gordon to get gargantuan; this time, old Bert is shrinking us down to size. But Honey I Shrunk the Kids this ain't! Join Tom and Ryan as they refuse to shrink away from topics such as misrepresentative movie titles, re-using footage from more well-known films, and of course, doll-maker psychology. It's our review of Attack of the Puppet People! 0:04:45 - Background 0:14:55 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:17:00 - Notable Scenes 0:31:37 - The Good 0:38:55 - The Bad 0:50:24 - The Ugly

A giant man is stomping around the desert, and his only weakness...is bread. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Aran for an enormously entertaining episode, with high-level discussion of Bert I. Gordon films, and a gargantuan amount of wordplay and puns. We also chat about 60-foot Force ghosts, methamphetamine, grade-school height differences, and raccoons and disguise! It's our discussion of War of the Colossal Beast! Episode Time Stamps: 0:06:45 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:11:50 - Background 0:24:17 - Notable Scenes 0:37:32 - The Good 0:51:40 - The Bad 1:14:27 - The Ugly

We're heading on down to the Louisiana bayou to rustle up some gators, people who are turning into gators, and the people who love people turning into gators. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Lacey for a deep-dive on this 50's horror flick, where we answer the pressing questions, like "Is it possible to trip over an alligator?" and "How would you use the Ark of the Covenant to power your gator-laser?" It's our review of The Alligator People! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:19:10 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:23:40 - Notable Scenes 0:48:28 - The Good 0:59:15 - The Bad 1:14:50 - The Ugly

Before Hostel, before Saw, and even before Saw 2, what movies could you go see to indulge your taste for torture-horror? OK, now but what if you also lived in Italy in the 1960s? Maybe you would have gone to see this poorly-executed piece of celluloid gothic horror! Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Ryan Terry for an #AllTheHorror collaborative episode that gets into the finer points of villain costume design, the male gaze, and lounge music soundtracks. It's our review of The Bloody Pit of Horror!   Time stamps: 0:04:45 - Background 0:15:45 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:17:00 - Notable Scenes 0:29:55 - The Good 0:40:20 - The Bad 0:58:53 - The Ugly

Was every science fiction space film after 1977 a derivative of Star Wars? Clearly not, because this film is derivative of both Star Wars and Star Trek! Join Tom and Ryan as they slog through this sci-fi drudgery and discuss such important topics as hack directors, Young Frankenstein references, and plot holes the size of black holes! Also they sing part of the Isley Brothers' classic song "Shout." It's our review of War of the Robots!   Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:18:25 - Film Summary 0:41:07 - The Good 0:45:25 - The Bad 0:59:20 - The Ugly 1:13:22 - Improvements

Saving Private Ryan. The Hurt Locker. Letters from Iwo Jima. War films draw their audience into the bleak, harsh realities of the battlefield and through the extreme conditions of battle. But forget all that, let's watch a war film that's mostly about livestock and a guy getting married! Tom and Ryan dig into this strange (and strangely boring) piece of 50s cinema while discussing dowries, dictionaries, and dueling your superiors. It's our review of Suicide Battalion! Time stamps: 0:05:35 - Background 0:23:05 - Film Summary 0:46:40 - The Good 0:50:16 - The Bad 1:01:08 - The Ugly 1:14:35 - Improvements

More 1950's aliens are here to try their hand (claw?) at conquering the world. This time we watch as a giant pickle with a grumpy face turns off all energy and sends tortilla bats to take over people's minds! Along the way we talk about the human embodiment of The Bad, strong character choices for women, and overthrowing the government by starting in suburban California. Turn on your favorite Venutian radio and listen to our review of It Conquered the World!   Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:24:20 - Film Summary 0:44:40 - The Good 0:53:20 - The Bad 1:09:20 - The Ugly 1:19:35 - Improvements

In the future, justice has been automated, the US government infiltrated, and cyborg hunters are sent to assassinate their targets at any cost. No, it's not The Terminator. No, it's not Judge Dredd. It's an early 90s D-grade action film marriage of the two! Join us as we discuss digital assistants, Dutch angles, and deadly kick-boxers, all while wondering what year this movie takes place in. Grab a hydro-dog and have a seat for our review of Cyber Tracker!   Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:16:55 - Film Summary 0:47:06 - The Good 0:48:15 - The Bad 1:08:52 - The Ugly 1:17:00 - Improvements

All aboard! We've got a train to catch as we take a look at a 70s horror film featuring an ancient creature that's awake and out for blood! We might get a little off-track as we discuss eyeball-based memories, James Bond villains, and whether or not this is the best (yes, best!) film we've watched for this podcast. So sit your caboose down and listen to our review of The Horror Express!   Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:23:50 - Film Summary 0:52:48 - The Good 1:04:20 - The Bad 1:15:42 - The Ugly 1:22:28 - Improvement

A group of scientists have been gathered in a secret laboratory to research atomic energy...but to what end? Fans of Mystery Science Theater may recall the sci-fi film used for MST3K: The Movie, and Tom and Ryan prove that they sure know their MST quotes! Join us as we discuss good 50's special effects vs. bad 50's special effects, ear-piercing sounds, and the worst kinds of philosophical responses you can give. It's our review of This Island Earth!   Time stamps: 0:05:05 - Background 0:21:24 - Film Summary 0:50:33 - The Good 0:59:56 - The Bad 1:09:58 - The Ugly 1:20:02 - Improvements

Under the sea! Under the sea! Darling it's better down where it's wetter, except for this movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they review an undersea disaster film that tries, and fails, to rip off The Poseidon Adventure. Along the way we discuss the many aquatic escapades of Ernest Borgnine, what this movie gets right and wrong about deep-sea creatures, and what exactly makes a disaster movie a disaster movie. It's our review of The Neptune Factor! Time stamps: 0:00:31 - WARNING, GROSS MOUTH SOUNDS 0:01:53 - Gross mouth noises end 0:03:55 - Background 0:25:18 - Film Summary 0:42:10 - The Good 0:47:35 - The Bad 1:03:02 - The Ugly 1:17:45 - Improvements

Everyone and loves Godzilla, but what about his hard-shelled cousin, Gamera? This giant turtle is the savior of Japan and a friend to all children! Tom and Ryan watch as he fights a giant knife-headed monster; along the way there is discussion about kaiju gymnastics, the Church of Gamera, and exactly how much monster fighting should be a move about monsters fighting. The Gamera Theme will live on in your heart when you listen to our review of Gamera vs. Guiron!   Time stamps: 0:03:22 - Background 0:20:52 - Film Summary 0:44:43 - The Good 0:49:10 - The Bad 0:54:48 - The Ugly 1:06:00 - Improvements

Roll for initiative! You're about to begin an epic encounter with a movie that's basically an extended PSA about how Dungeons and Dragons is evil! Don't worry, you've got your faithful party members, Tom and Ryan, at your side; they're ready to fight, but also ready to talk about subjects such as why this film is a poor representation of the roleplaying experience, what "Satanic panic" was all about, and whether we can use this film to torpedo Tom Hanks's career. Draw your swords, ready your spells, and get ready for our review of Mazes and Monsters!   Time stamps: 0:03:48 - Background 0:29:55 - Film Summary 0:55:42 - The Good 1:01:25 - The Bad 1:13:40 - The Ugly 1:27:43 - Improvements

What would happen if you remade the film Independence Day, but left out all of the action and made the aliens look like goofy bug-eyed humans? Obviously you would get this movie, as Tom and Ryan quickly discover! Join them as they talk about oversized wildlife, the influence of Biography, and the sin of omission. Prepare yourself to be abducted by the Killers from Space!

What would it take to convince a skeptic that the supernatural is real? Would it take unbreakable trances? The foretelling of mysterious deaths? Or maybe just some carnivorous plants? Tom and Ryan watch a 50s horror film that tries to pose these questions, and then delivers disappointing answers. Meanwhile, they discuss casting Austro-Hungarian army members as natives, composing music for SeaWorld, and of course Undone - The Sweater Song by Weezer. It's all part of the experience of Voodoo Island!   Time stamps: 0:05:28 - Background 0:29:55 - Film Summary 0:50:35 - The Good 0:57:05 - The Bad 1:12:06 - The Ugly 1:25:25 - Improvements

Post-apocalyptic worlds are often scary, dangerous, and wild places. But what if you could visit a post-apocalypse that took place entirely in a verdant Canadian park? Why, then you'd have poutine, all-dressed chips, and this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat about a polite and gentle end-times, review the effectiveness of cloning, and take a long look at the commodification of women in our review of Survival Earth!   Time stamps: 0:03:38 - Background 0:15:35 - Film Summary 0:38:38 - The Good 0:42:35 - The Bad 0:53:10 - The Ugly 1:03:30 - Improvements

Sure, there have been plenty of adaptations of The Most Dangerous Game in cinema and television history. But imagine one with a wild new twist: it's boring! Join Tom and Ryan as they engage in a manhunt, build camera guns, and just miss finding each other dozens of times. You can also find out who the most forgettable lead actor in any of our films has been! Grab yourself a rifle and prepare to wander around L.A. as we review Walk the Dark Street!   Time stamps: 0:02:14 - Background 0:15:25 - Film Summary 0:36:45 - The Good 0:43:45 - The Bad 0:53:15 - The Ugly 1:10:30 - Improvements

They say flying is the safest way to travel, but if that's true then what's with all these demonic entities? Join Tom and Ryan as they review a supernatural horror movie set aboard a 747 where the scariest things are wind and mold! Listen in as they discuss cynical priests, the overuse of animal deaths, and hodge-podge religious references. William Shatner warmly invites you to our review of The Horror at 37,000 Feet!   Time stamps: 0:03:27 - Background 0:32:00 - Film Summary 0:56:50 - The Good 1:01:25 - The Bad 1:11:35 - The Ugly 1:23:25 - Improvements

Polar Vortex have you on ice? Need to warm up a little? Then come to the island where the temperature's hot and the aliens are gloopy! Join Tom and Ryan as they review a strange little 60s sci-fi horror film with some of the biggest names in British acting! Along the way we'll discuss infidelity, solving problems by blowing them up, and, of course, radioactive cauliflower. Things are heating up as we review Island of the Burning Damned!   Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:30:45 - Film Summary 0:56:00 - The Good 1:03:32 - The Bad 1:11:55 - The Ugly 1:23:28 - Improvements