Ross O'carroll-kelly @ The Irish Times

You’d have to be up early in the morning to get one over on Lauren, though - and when I say early, I mean before the Happy Pear goys are turning cortwheels on Greystones beach. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I grab my jacket and I perform my famous Ironmonger Act – I make a bolt for the door. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Rude restaurants – in Ranelagh – are back and the family has a booking See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Just when Ross thought there were no more tears, the floodgates open in Bucharest See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ireland are playing Scotland – but I know my old dear well enough to know when I’m being blackmailed See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The Mount Anville past pupils breakfast is like LinkedIn with egg white omelettes and epic insincerity. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s hord to put into actual words the power of my new, one-seat, electric, company cor, other than to say it’s like if you fixed four wheels to Sorcha’s hair dryer, then tried to drive the thing to work. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: The agency is rebanding and Ross doesn’t like it See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Sorcha’s digging her way through a landfill of old memories See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘You’d better look at the video she posted three days ago’... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Honor is rude to randomers on Grafton St – and Ross has never been so proud. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross discovers that his idea of a Holy Day of Obligation doesn’t quite tally with his bos See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross isn’t on board with Sorcha’s Irish resolution – and it’s about to blow up in his face See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The dude who rings is called Mister Something-Something. His name isn’t important. He says he’s from the Deportment of Education and he has some good news for me. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“It’s an amazing way of celebrating our Irishness in this period of historic centenaries,” claims Sorcha See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Honor goes, “What the fock are we doing in Cork anyway?” and I end up having to laugh because it’s honestly like listening to myself. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“Honor has never been sentimental about Christmas. Do you remember the first time we ever watched the Late Late Toy Show together as a family? And she said she wanted to smash all of the toys with a hammer just to make all the other children cry?” See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Dave from the office was in chorge of payroll until he did a course in human resources in the Smurfit Business School in Blackrock and returned to work six weeks later having lost his sense of smell, his sense of taste and – most tragically of all – his sense of humour. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly is a grandfather and his old man is building a prison called Robbin’ Island. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“Dad,” she goes, “you are so not a sexist. You’re horrible to women and men. It’s one of the few things I actually like about you.” See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.