This Week In Nope

We are in desperate need of therapy. Thankfully, we were joined by Taylor Lorenz, staff writer for the Atlantic and human embodiment of the Internet, to help us unpack the horrible things that happened this week. Notably, people are monetizing their fetuses, lining up to take a selfie with an opossum, freaking out about a paper mâché sculpture called Momo, and filming themselves while hurling American cheese at their babies’ faces. Meanwhile, here in New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio committed the cardinal sin of posting a selfie with the Boston Red Sox and then earned the ire of millions of parents by declaring a snow day on a Sunday night when it wasn’t even snowing. All the while, AOC continues to trigger Republicans by riding in cars and peeling sweet potatoes.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/

As if trapped in the Netflix series “Russian Doll,” we keep dying and waking up in the bathroom. Recording this episode right after Michael Cohen’s congressional testimony, our heads were spinning. We nevertheless attempted to process what we saw, including the wild outburst from Congressman Chip Roy, Matt Gaetz’s thuggish Tweet and Michael Cohen’s emerging expertise in the field of ethics. Meanwhile, Trump was in Vietnam for his second summit with murderous dictator Kim Jong Un, who traveled through the Chinese countryside by train out of spite because his 40-year-old Russian aircraft is unfit for use and he didn’t want to support Air China. Also: We have breaking news about Charles Dickens, unconventional salad utensils, and some free advice for the Academy.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-51

This week, Amazon’s much-ballyhooed New York City HQ2 was returned to sender faster than a Prime delivery. Meanwhile, a beige national emergency reared its MAGA-hat wearing head at Mar-a-Lago’s omelette bar. Also: Roger Stone got the smackdown from Judge Amy Berman Jackson for posting a wildly ill-conceived Instagram photo; Buzzfeed published an exposé of Blippi, a kid-friendly YouTube star with a shockingly NSFW past; an Israeli couple was fined for sending a string of emojis, including a squirrel and a comet; Tucker Carlson was dog-walked by a Dutch historian; Twitter freaked out over towels; and the Grand Canyon gift shop was displaying open containers of radioactive uranium. In other words, just a normal week in 2019.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks OVERCAST https://overcas

It’s New York Fashion Week and it’s not just the cold weather that is keeping us from experimenting with the hottest trend at the Grammys (hint: it’s an exposed ribcage). Joined by author and fashion journalist Christina Binkley, we shut down blackface turtlenecks, mock turtlenecks, Adam’s apple turtlenecks, harnesses on the red carpet, breast pumps as a fashion statement, and a boots-on-the-ground report about how Michael Cohen is spending his last days as a free man. Also on the docket: the two disparate theories explaining what’s behind the Jeff Bezos extortion attempt; Tinder for cows; Starbucks horoscopes and the unusual story of Dina Lohan’s fiancé.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope POCKET CASTS https://pca.st/

There’s no good time to be incapacitated, but that’s what happened this week, and we’re still struggling to keep up with all the horrors. But with the help of our special guest, comedienne/playwright Glace Chase, we managed to shut down the substance, structure and guests of the State of the Union speech; a wild ATM incident in China; a man in the Netherlands embroiled in a legal battle to officially change his age; and, of course, the scandal in the Virginia legislature that combines three elements we thought we’d never see together: blackface, #metoo and the Moonwalk. Also: Rachel delivers an update on her ongoing text-message friendship with Ashton Kutcher and we respond to a particularly thorny #AskNope query about friends asking friends for online reviews.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-5

This week we find ourselves trapped in an upstate New York penitentiary of our own making. We shut down Trump’s continued insistence that he’s more intelligent than his intelligence agencies; Howard Schultz’s ill-conceived flirtation with an independent presidential run; and Gwyneth Paltrow’s violent run-in with an optometrist on the slopes of Park City. Also: technology continues to be terrible! Facebook engages in “friendly fraud” by taking money from children and gets the smackdown from Apple after running afoul of the company’s enterprise development rules. Meanwhile, a teenager in Arizona discovers a security flaw in iOS’s FaceTime; a velociraptor receptionist robot gets fired from a hotel in Japan, and Ashton Kutcher engages in a nonsensical text conversation with Rachel. Quite an eventful week.     HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-no

It’s one of the most horrible weeks in recent memory, and we return to a nation engulfed in carnage, both human and animal. We shut down Tales from the Grift, starring former Trump fixer and aspiring sex symbol Michael Cohen; explore how the Academy has taken everything bad about the Oscars and made it worse; discuss a Swedish movie shown inside a sarcophagus; and participate in a dramatic reading of text-message correspondence between our finest living artists, Azealia Banks and Grimes. Also: a “dark web” themed fashion show featuring zebras and giraffes raises eyebrows at Paris couture week; an Upper East Side restaurant called Nello shames a businesswoman for eating alone at the bar; and a marauding British family terrorizes New Zealand.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope BUZZSPROUT http://www.buzzsprout.com/208569 SOUNDCLOUD https:

What happens when you put 30 Nope superfans in a room with a cheese influencer and our finest living text-message dramaturgist? Your terrible week suddenly gets better! As the longest government shutdown in our nation’s history dragged on, we managed to execute our first-ever live show, in which we collectively shut down Trump’s hamburger inflation, Javanka’s “Vice” walkout, and explored how the hijacking of Brian’s Spotify account led him to develop a passion for Christian rock and Shen Yun dance performances. We also vomit over dueling Fyre Festival documentaries, the timing and content of WeWork’s rebranding, and ponder why a nine-foot sculpture of a piece of candy wrapped in the Saudi flag was installed at Ground Zero. Finally, world-renowned cheese influencer Brooke Hammerling offers plating advice while leading us through the darkness of the Birdbox Cheese Challenge, and professional songstress Glace Chase delivers an Oscar-quality interpretation of Jeff Bezos’s romantic text messages. Join us!   HEAR U

The best thing about a cleanse is ending the cleanse--and thankfully our Trump cleanse is over. This week, Rachel reveals how the Trump administration is blocking her efforts to gain German citizenship, and we explore the technological ineptitude of Paul Manafort’s legal team and Leonardo da Vinci’s unexpected involvement in the Mueller probe. Meanwhile, the New Year’s resolution crowd is wreaking havoc at Chopt and undermining the spirit of eating salads. Also: people are blindfolding themselves for the #BirdboxChallenge and staging confusing gummy bear concerts for the #HariboChallenge; Wikifeet gets to the bottom of an AOC podiatric Instagram mystery; Saudi Arabia develops push notifications to inform women that they are divorced; Martin Scorsese finds himself embroiled in a dumpling scandal; Ellen Degeneres inserts herself in the Oscars-hosting drama and Eric Trump’s Twitter feed; and a women’s sexual health company becomes the La La Land of CES.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this

2019 is here and it’s already off to an abysmal start, as the major TV networks featured an anti-vaxxer and a vaginal steamer on their New Year’s Eve specials and a high-profile New York “Illuminati” party offered guests the opportunity to sip breast milk from a baby bottle. Also: a New York Times op-ed advocated abandoning smartphones in favor of sex; a Japanese school administrator married an anime hologram; a bodybuilder in England tattooed his nether regions using--what else?--a rolling pin; Kerrygold butter expanded into the music business; the TSA announced it is phasing out pointy-eared bomb-sniffing dogs; NASA gave a faraway celestial body a Nazi name; and finally, an Alabama sheriff used federal money designated for refugees to buy himself a beach house.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope BUZZSPROUT http://www.buzzsprout.com/2

It was our first full year of podcasting, and what a year it was. As we recover from the latest romaine lettuce panic and sip ersatz Lacroix with “cloudberries” because we cannot have nice things, we explore the lowlights of 2018 grouped into the topics for which we are best known: insaniacs, salad, innovation, politics (minus Individual-1) animals, and the world of fashion. We reopen the case of the Canadian salesman who tried to chill pepperoni by opening a window and inadvertently let 40 vomiting seagulls into his hotel room; pay tribute to the man who attempted to distribute cheeseburgers to the poor and wound up naked inside of a pipe organ; and we recall the woman who brought her German shepherd on a United Airlines flight and, when she landed, received a Great Dane. Also: the rise, fall and subsequent resurrection of pimp politician Dennis Hof; water pickles; reptile therapy; a Saudi fashion runway ghost race; the unrelenting power of the peacock lobby; the Australian sausage identity crisis and, just

One step forward, two steps back. The Holland Tunnel’s holiday décor debacle was fixed following a public outcry, yet we find ourselves reckoning this week with even more horrors, such as Russian Nest hackers, robots gone wild and the shocking revelation that Azealia Banks is the tech world’s Zelig, last seen hiding in Elon Musk’s house after fashioning an amulet out of Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey’s beard hairs. Joined by WIRED senior writer Lauren Goode, we shut down the most horrible gifts of the season, including but not limited to burrito scented candles, a push-up sports bra that can hold an entire bottle of wine, a smoke-free fire pit and a dongle for your toilet. Also, we address an important #AskNope holiday quandary: Is a bicycle bell OK to wear on your purse to encourage pedestrians to keep it moving?   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-i

Emerging from glamorous Art Basel, where we rubbed shoulders with everyone from former Real Housewife Kelly Bensimon to grifting Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, we’re really struggling this week to acclimate to New York's rat and diarrhea-infested subway. In addition to demystifying Miami, on this week’s episode we shut down the hottest toy of the season, Poopsie, and explore the dystopian panopticon overseen by an Elf on the Shelf.  Also: the Holland Tunnel struggles with a violent backlash to its holiday decorations; men embrace penis contouring; frenemies are orbiting and employees are ghosting. We respond to an #AskNope query about the merits of sharing business contacts with strangers and offer a hearty #Yup to incoming House Speaker/style icon Nancy Pelosi and a random straphanger who offered Brian a Metrocard. A holiday miracle!  HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://w

It’s the most horrible time of the year, and in the spirit of radical self-care, we are instituting a new policy: Trump-Free December. There are enough awful things to deal with, like Rachel getting urinated on at 3am, Brian’s dad's wifi woes, upside down hamburgers, declining French fry portion sizes, a crisis in the canned tuna world, the cryptocurrency cruise from hell, mutiny at a sex robot convention and forced hugging at Ted Baker HQ. We are also introducing a new segment called #AskNope, where we weigh in on your most challenging business/life quandaries. Email us at ThisWeekInNope@gmail.com!  HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope BUZZSPROUT http://www.buzzsprout.com/208569 SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope  In this week’s episode:  Read

We’re recording live from the 10013 zip code, recently declared the tiny-turtle complaint capital of New York City. With the help of media maven Bevy Smith, we shut down “grabbers" at the border, John Bolton’s language barrier, a gender reveal explosion in Arizona, Moroccan cannibals and the dystopian gamification of behavior in China. Also: Bevy weighs in on the biggest pop culture controversies of the week, including Melania’s Christmas decorations, that Lena Dunham profile in New York Magazine and the rumored Harry-William rift.  HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope BUZZSPROUT http://www.buzzsprout.com/208569 SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope  In this week’s episode:  Donald Trump’s quotes about “grabbers” at the U.S.-Mexican border must be

It’s Thanksgiving week and the world is a very dangerous place! Donald Trump couldn’t even pardon two turkeys, believes that Finnish leaf-raking techniques will prevent forest fires, and plumbed new depths as he sided with Saudi murderers over our own intelligence agencies in an embarrassing exclamation-filled public statement. Meanwhile, romaine lettuce rears its E. coli-infested head and wreaks havoc on Americans' collective consciousness and Australians are having conniption fits over the placement of onions on a sausage sandwich. Also: we explore football player-turned-Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker’s involvement in a patent for a toilet for well-endowed men; residents of a ritzy coop on Manhattan’s Upper East Side sue their florist over a lobby arrangement that resembles a mass grave, and the Italian fashion house Dolce & Gabbana gets kicked out of China for an offensive Instagram video about an oversized cannoli. Thank u, next.  HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-w

It’s our one-year Nope-aversary and the ceiling can’t hold us. We’re traversed a wormhole back to the year 2000 and we’re reliving election trauma while trying on clever hat disguises in an effort to commit voter fraud. Meanwhile, Trump is in full FML mode, holed up in a Fox News cave while Roger Stone and his minions brace themselves for their forthcoming (fingers crossed) indictments. Amazon lands it’s HQ2 a stone’s throw from Rachel’s condo, sending real estate agents into a feeding frenzy. Just in time for Thanksgiving, we explore a brand-new utensil-disrupting food trend that advocates cooking with one’s mouth. Also: Birds and raccoons are getting drunk on fruit in West Virginia, cats are vaping, people in North Carolina are hitchhiking using Waze, and a scooter company is reinventing the car. We’re fine.  HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-w

A day late and a Euro short, here we are with our first-ever trans-Atlantic #Nope, recorded in Duck, North Carolina and Lisbon, Portugal. In a week that was reminiscent of a Hieronymus Bosch etching, we vomit over the White House’s decision to release a doctored propaganda video from Infowars to back up the lie that CNN’s Jim Acosta assaulted an intern (he didn’t). We also question the wisdom of Nevada’s selection of a Republican corpse for their state assembly. Rachel reports live from Web Summit, describing the imminent disruption of the popcorn-industrial-complex. Also on the docket: a five-year-old’s 15-page resume sends China into a social media panic; raccoon and mixed-animal cafes sprout up in Korea; the U.S. Embassy throws an Australian cat pajama party to improve relations; and a New Jersey therapist winds up in jail after hiring an ex-con patient to disfigure a foe “so he can’t do push-ups” (her words, not ours.)  HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?m

It’s Halloween and we are broadcasting from a vomitorium inside a bicameral House of Horrors. This week, indisputably the worst on record, we shut down a pathetic attempt to ensnare Special Counsel Robert Mueller in a sexual harassment scandal by enlisting the services of actor Christoph Waltz. We also foretell the end of the reign of Pumpkin Spice Everything and the rise of Everything Bagel Everything. We wonder who on earth is ordering water pickles, why witches are setting up shop in coworking spaces, and how a British woman managed to cheat on her fiancé with 20 different ghosts. We end the episode rattled by the realization that we will never be depraved enough to garner eight-figure severance packages, like male executives at Google do, and confused by an interview that Diane Lane gave to Vanity Fair. Happy voting!    HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/po

After staggering around, riddled with pre-midterms polling anxiety, we sat down with New York Times reporter Katie Rosman to discuss the worst news in what was a horrible week, including the #magabomber, Soros Derangement Syndrome and Trump’s reaction to the Saudis’ bogus account of the murder of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi. We also shut down a Chinese entrepreneur’s plan to light up the Chengdu sky with a fake moon, a New Jersey meal delivery company’s embrace of the “Nofap lifestyle,” the newsiest Halloween costumes and, finally, we question the merits of Elon Musk’s underground tunnel of indeterminate length.  After a week such as this, we are especially grateful to our sponsor, Starward whiskey, made in Melbourne Australia, aged for two years in red wine barrels, and now available at Astor Wines in New York: https://www.astorwines.com/SearchResultsSingle.aspx?p=2&search=39144&searchtype=Contains   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?