This Week In Nope

It's summertime and the living is....terrible. So we're grasping for some shreds of sanity by taking it a little easy in August. No new episode this week, and the schedule for August will be irregular, but we'll be back to our usual Thursday morning episodes come Labor Day. Stay cool, stay #NOPE!

It’s been a terribly confusing week, but luckily we were joined by a special guest, jack of all trades John Jannuzzi, who helped us clear up and shut down topics like the FaceApp, created by a Russian company that is harvesting our biometrics a year before a presidential election. (Everything’s fine.) Also on the docket: Millennial women are being haunted on Instagram by a Danny DeVito crop top; a reporter caused a stir at Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin’s cryptocurrency press conference by wearing Google Glass; millions of people are getting ready to storm Area 51 by using an anime-inspired jogging technique; a man compares himself to Martin Luther King Jr. after having a misogynistic meltdown in a Long Island bagel store; and, finally, we wax nostalgic for embattled grocer Dean & Deluca.    HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://

You know it’s a terrible week when you wish there was an earthquake in New York so you’d have a legit excuse to be hiding under the table. We shut down Trump’s Revolutionary War fan-fic Fourth of July speech; an executive who behaves like an in-orbit astronaut in the office; a browser plug-in that allows you to stealthily watch “The Office” while in the office; a woman in Texas who faces 20 years in prison for licking ice cream; British birders who couldn’t distinguish a seagull from an eagle and an island going to extreme measures to keep mice from proliferating.   HEAR US ON ITUNES https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks POCKET CASTS https://pca.st/SrJY RADIO PUBLIC https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N    In this week’s episode:  Listen to Do

The Fourth of July weekend is upon us and it’s already turning out to be terrible. First we learned that Betsy Ross was not so much a patriotic seamstress as she was a racist plagiarist. And now, We the People, the American taxpayers, are going to be left footing the bill for an obscene MAGA rally, complete with the finest Sherman tanks your 1957 dollars can buy. And I’ll tell you what we will not be doing. We will not be making PBS.org’s recipe for a red white and blue potato salad, which combines an unholy trinity of ingredients–blueberries, onions and mayonnaise. (Vomit.) In other horrible news, the Fyre (festival) is spreading. Cardi B. lost a copyright battle for a term she likened to a cold pigeon. Everyone’s getting diarrhea from Crypto. And restaurants around the country are introducing “not hungry girlfriend” menus.    HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5b

We emerge from a hallway of horrors this week to shut it down with novelist and friend of the pod Lauren Mechling. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do there need to be five moderators for the Democratic debates?” you’ve come to the right place. Other questions we seek to answer this week: Are people really growing horns on the backs of their heads? Why are we living in an age that can only be described as “anti-corrodic”? How do you tell time in Sommaroy, Norway? What is the appropriate attire for a mother-in-law at a wedding (hint: not a wedding dress)? Why would some young people rather fake their own deaths than decline a job offer? Why is everyone eating out of bowls? So many questions.    HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope  SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks POCKE

It’s been a terrible week, but only one of us was paying attention. Rachel hasn’t slept since she decided to adopt a St. Berdoodle puppy on Sunday–unfortunately one day too late to enter the Miss Dog Mom USA pageant in Brooklyn. Meanwhile, Jerry Falwell Jr. and his wife Becky are embroiled in a possible love triangle with a Miami pool boy; Lenny Dykstra spent nine hours in a New Jersey dumpster looking for his teeth; an Alabama man sicced a meth-addicted attack squirrel on the police; and an entrepreneur has sold over a million stun guns for flies. Finally, we explore why job listings have gotten completely out of control.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks POCKET CASTS https://pca.st/SrJY RADIO PUBLIC https://radiopublic.com/this-wee

After recovering from a fugue state, we shut down everything this week from Chernobyl to Twizzlers. Our finest living patron of the arts, Seth Fradkoff, shares a distressing story about getting kicked out of “Tootsie: The Musical” on Broadway for taking a stand against loud snacks. Also on the docket: Manhattan prosecutor-turned-novelist Linda Fairstein attempted to un-cancel herself via op-ed; a British woman revealed that she paid her way through college by naming nearly 700,000 Chinese babies; another woman in Cincinnati quit her job to eat crab legs on YouTube; and comedian/actress/writer Jenny Slate agreed to deliver a highly exclusive commencement address in Massachusetts.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks POCKET CASTS https://

Much like a celebrity driving a brand-new Bugatti through Midtown Manhattan, this week we dealt with the consequences of terrible, yet predictable, situations. Following a flight to London, Brian got swept up in a delegation from Mauritius before being forced to surrender to the Heathrow airport authorities as an unregistered foreign agent. Meanwhile, Rachel was on her couch in New York contending with a Twitter pile-on for insulting the appearance and demeanor of Kimberly Guilfoyle. We conclude that we’ve hit peak pop-up in San Francisco, as a bar for humans and rats to intermingle is debuting with a $50 cover charge. Also in San Francisco: a new pogo-stick rental company called Cangoroo purports to help people commute to work by hopping around on vertiginous inclines. Los Angeles real-estate brokers hosted a Hieronymus Bosch-themed party with actors dressed as Adam and Eve and embalmed snakes in cocktails. West End theatrical productions are serving culinary abominations to the audience during live shows. A

For our second-ever transatlantic broadcast, Brian was holed up in a bar in the north of England and Rachel was home in New York City--and if we had had confidence that this week was not an abomination, we would have said so. To that end, we shut down Robert Mueller’s cryptically worded press conference; anarchy on Mt. Everest and an Antipodean uproar over a podcast called “The Sydney Gays.” Also on the docket: one government official compared Jews to carbon dioxide and another government official compared American soldiers to natural gas; Moby feuded with Natalie Portman over whether they dated 20 years ago (they didn’t); incels tested out a penis-enlargement procedure called “jelqing”; and finally, an act of God flooded a Noah’s Ark theme park in Kentucky. And the nopes marched in, two by two.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://w

Our attempts to warg our troubles away were interrupted by an impromptu Donald Trump speech, in which the Victim-In-Chief announced that he was going on strike until the Democrats cease all of their investigations into his rampant misconduct. To which we say, Nope! Meanwhile, Mayor Bill de Blasio entered the Democratic 2020 field with a cringeworthy (and possibly illegal) video shot inside his taxpayer-funded luxury SUV; Kris Kobach sent a list of demands to the White House, including the requirement for a private jet, to fulfill his Peter Principle-sanctioned destiny; and Steve Mnuchin’s 85-year-old dad used a flip phone to buy a $91 million Jeff Koons rabbit sculpture for disgraced hedge-fund operator Steve Cohen. Also: Nope investigates an unusual commercial real estate transaction in Hell’s Kitchen; Elon Musk sends an insane memo to all of his Tesla employees; and yet another high-flying Silicon Valley biotech CEO turns out to be a fraud. Finally, we speculate on what precipitated Kim Kardashian’s Twitter

It’s been one of the most devastating weeks on record, as misogynist troglodytes in statehouses across the country mount an assault on women’s constitutional rights. But we’re back to fight another day and shut down misguided attempts to raise awareness, such as the #sexstrike endorsed by TV’s Alyssa Milano. Also on the docket: a used-car heiress staged a fake wedding because her hairstylist husband wouldn’t sign a prenup; our finest living vloggers, Tati and James Charles, end their friendship over gummy vitamins; Seth Rogen’s father builds a tower of Babel with unholy ingredients; Kacey Musgraves gives in to the Australian “shoey challenge”; and, finally, Dennis Rodman orchestrates the theft of $500 worth of yoga pants.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com

Despite the Uber/Lyft strike and a Louis Vuitton fashion show taking over JFK Airport, we finally made it to San Francisco to perform live at Betabrand’s fabulous Podcast Theatre! It was a week chock full of disgraceful topics to shut down. There was, of course, Donald Trump’s tax returns, a scandal at the Kentucky Derby, involving horses, and at the London Marathon, involving nurses. Also: Sonic the Hedgehog's unrealistic teeth caused a stir on the Internet, Burger King unleashed unhappy meals on an already unhappy public, and a Taiwanese man went to extreme lengths to find a missing AirPod. Finally, Silicon Valley’s finest living Elizabeth Holmes shares #SoManyThoughts with us about the newest royal baby, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCL

All week long, we cowered in an underground nook like Sansa Stark and Tyrion Lannister, emerging only to watch Bill Barr to run roughshod over the rule of law. Meanwhile, Barbara Corcoran threw herself a funeral, a Belgian water company created dinnerware to shame people who attempt to Instagram their food, a Taiwanese company is selling bib hammocks for Instagram aversion therapy, and people are renting parking spots in San Francisco because they can’t afford coworking spaces. Also on the docket: the backstory on Russian spy whales, military dolphins and drug dealer parrots; Spotify playlists that go too far; vile earbuds and a stain expert who was stumped by a 17-year-old with mysterious secretions.   *Register for our Live show in San Francisco on 5/9 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/betabrand-podcast-theatre-this-week-in-nope-tickets-60284220727   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.

We thought it couldn't get worse than the fallout from the Mueller Report...but did we ever think Rachel would be airdropping Mueller dick-pics to hot guys in hotel lobbies? Plus: Presidential candidates recapping Game of Thrones, backwards Tom Ford dresses, GoDaddy violence, incoherent baby memes, and the revival of OK Cupid. Listen, subscribe, rate, review, and enjoy the terrible week that was.

It’s been a terrible week. Things are only going to get worse when we see the Mueller report--with a rainbow of redactions--followed by the Giuliani “counter-report” that is either 150 pages, 79 pages or 35 pages long depending on the day or whom you ask. Meanwhile, a group of leading food companies have put mashed potatoes on the blockchain. Figs have revealed themselves to be homicidal maniacs. And just in time for prom, a Texas retailer is combining flowers and bread for a meme-inspired “crossaint corsage.” Also on the docket: Pepsi is partnering with a Russian satellite firm to advertise an energy drink in space, fitness instructors are invoking culinary terms as a motivational tool and, in the biggest nope of the week, Donald Trump is seeking to spy on disabled people to make sure they’re not too happy on social media.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1

It’s been a terrible week, but at least we can finally see the black hole that is pulling us into space. Here on earth, a global fungus has hospitals in a panic; a woman in Taiwan has a family of bees living inside of her eye; Silicon Valley struggles with “undercorns”; and Chinese sperm banks are implementing “sperm-extraction machines” with custom sounds, visuals and even smells. Also on the docket: Rachel spends $100 in pursuit of an elusive postage stamp, Brian subscribes to a scandal-ridden wine club that is partially owned by Congressman Devin Nunes, and Twitter’s CEO shares his “biohacks” such as starvation and boiling himself in a barrel.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks POCKET CASTS https://pca.st/SrJY RADIO PUBLIC https://

April is the cruelest month, especially when Google, Amtrak, Elon Musk and James Comey dabble in comedy. And if April Fool’s Day wasn’t terrible enough, there were the unfortunately timed new products like $315 Janties--yes, jean panties--and Cadbury Creme Egg Mayonnaise that you think are pranks, but are actually real things. We also shut down voice deepening coaches, prison coaches (for parents who hired a corrupt college admissions coach) and a new sushi restaurant in Tokyo that requires a stool sample prior to dining there. To round it out, we explore the feud between Jim Carrey and Benito Mussolini’s granddaughter, solve a 35-year mystery involving Garfield phones washing up on the coast of Brittany, attempt to understand Lyft’s mission to eliminate cars from cities, and share the unusual tale of a couple that died after backing their car into a plastic bag.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope SPOTIFY ht

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. Our hopes were dashed by Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s sudden bout of indecisiveness on the issue of obstruction. And in what can only be described as a Nope Turducken, the lawyer who defended Michael Jackson co-conspired with the lawyer who represented Stormy Daniels to try to extort money from Nike, Inc., the client of the law firm representing Theranos and Harvey Weinstein. Also on the docket: Yuri Geller tries to reverse Brexit via telepathy; Marmite Peanut Butter and Heinz Beanz Pizza wreak havoc on the UK culinary scene; a scientist discovers that cheese likes “A Tribe Called Quest”; another scientist develops hot sauce made from spiders; Mike Pompeo says Donald Trump is the reincarnation of Queen Esther; and, finally, Rachel shares a harrowing personal story about her husband Josh’s text-message keyboard shortcuts.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/ OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-

Just in time for spring, we managed to crawl out from underneath our weighted blankets to make sense of this horrible week. Together with Andrew Goldman, journalist and host of the podcast “The Originals,” we shut down the emerging sauce crisis on college campuses, the mysterious appeal of Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes and Kellyanne Conway’s "husband from hell.” Also on the docket: a Garfield-themed restaurant from Dubai is coming to Toronto; Julianne Moore won’t cut off her (prosthetic) nose to spite her face; astronauts get space herpes; and the U.S. Marshals office hosts an auction of two boxes of Fyre Festival sweatpants.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ STITCHER https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope SOUNDCLOUD https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks OVERCAST https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope POCKET CASTS https://pca.st/SrJY RADIO PUBLIC http

Like a Netflix crossover special of Full House, Desperate Housewives and Orange is the New Black, the college-cheating scandal known as Operation Varsity Blues captivated and revolted us in equal measure. We are a nation of grifters and there’s no turning back! Other terrible things we shut down this week: two dead people struggle to sell a house in the Hamptons that they designed to either prolong your life or end it; scientists are resurrecting the wooly mammoth and creating hybrid chicken dinosaurs; pineapples are a wedge issue on Fox News; Lacroix blames a quarterly earnings miss on “injustice”; Trump “wins” a golf tournament that he didn’t attend, and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey appears on a podcast with an anti-vaxxer. Also: our very first Yope, standing at the intersection of Yup and Nope, centers on Mitt Romney’s unorthodox technique for blowing out birthday candles.   HEAR US ON ITUNEShttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/id1312654524?mt=2 SPOTIFY https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY