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At the beginning of my career, I was a hospital chaplain.  One of my tasks was to help people accept what was going on... to accept the diagnosis, the outcome of an accident or tragedy, to accept the changes.  Interestingly, many times, it seemed that those wanting the person to "accept" were really looking for resignation.  Kind of giving up. I think our understanding of acceptance has expanded since then.  But that doesn't make it any easier. You see, we all want some "alternate reality," some different space where things didn't, aren't, or won't happen.  Where we get to choose to undo/redo, or not do what we don't like.  The alternate reality where things happened or happen or will happen differently. Except they don't.  They happened as they did.  They are happening as they are.  And they will happen as they will. Yes, we have some control about what we do in this moment, and what we will do to move toward the next.  But not enough to create our alternate reality where we get to choose everything (we

Another year has passed.  I added a year to when I answer, "How old are you?"  Well, at least in theory.  I am an unreliable narrator for reporting my age.  By accident.  But on a repeated basis. That said, as I recorded this episode of the podcast, and write these words, I am celebrating 55 trips around the sun (and I complain I don't get to travel much!). I'm not sure about claiming wisdom, but I do claim some lessons from those years.  Lessons I keep learning and relearning.  Lessons I must remind myself about.  But lessons that matter to my life. While there are quite a few, 5 seemed to be appropriate for 55 years.  5 lessons from 55 years on this earth! I'd love to hear the lessons you've learned!  And I'd love to hear any questions or thoughts you might have about thriving.  But until then, listen in on the 5 lessons I have learned (and keep learning), and let me know if they are lessons you share. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Do Things Happen for a Reason? We Aren't Getting Out Alive! Your Pur

What a year!  It was one year ago this week that I was on my last business trip.  I was at an event with my publisher.  Already, we knew COVID was out, and knew it was gaining steam.  Other countries had already gone into lockdown... and the US was on the precipice. While I was away, my wife and I were coordinating with our adult children, trying to make sure we could get them to our home before travel was locked down.  That weekend, both came home. We thought it might be a number of weeks.  They were thinking two to three.  I was thinking a month or a bit more. That ended up being months on end.  They spent more of 2020 in our home than in their own places. The economy screeched to a halt, trips were canceled, schools were closed.  And our medical system started to strain, faltering under the weight of one illness closing off some areas, while filling others. It seemed like every day, there was some new shift, new discovery, new point of vulnerability.  And in its wake, we, as a country and a world, str

One day, I was watching some videos (you know how that rabbit hole works) that led me to a video on this interesting sport.  I love water sports, and am frequently daydreaming this time of year about being in warm water. I have no idea how that led to this video, but it was a team playing this weird underwater game of hockey/ultimate frisbee/survival thing.  It was the Underwater Torpedo League. Underwater Torpedo was invented by two former special ops guys.  They used it to help training clients get better at breath holding and calm under stress.  But it sure looked like a blast of a time!  I filed it under "I'd love to do that!" Fast-forward and I met these two guys.  Turns out they do more than just train some people.  They actually train professional athletes on a regular basis, including MMA, NFL, and even pro surfers. Prime Hall and Don Tran are the guys behind the game.  But they are also performance coaches outside the pool.  They work with people about performing in life, using their F.R.E.E. You

It is so easy to get pulled into threats and dangers, mishaps and mistakes.  It is wired into our brain to have a focus on the negative.  Which is too bad.  That means we are more likely to miss the good moments, the highlights of life, in favor of the down moments.  We clearly see the negative, but can miss the positive. Unless, of course, we nurture a focus on the positive.  Unless we look for those moments of "heaven on earth." What are your moments of heaven? Martin Rutte spent his career helping companies enter into dialogue for transformation.  He led difficult discussions so that company cultures could transform.  Dialogue is a powerful tool of exploration.  Which, unfortunately, is often replaced by debate in our culture.  That is what happens when we stop listening, demanding our own viewpoint.  Martin has worked to shift from the hell of debate to the heaven of dialogue. And that led him to wonder what we might be able to do to shift our world in a better direction.  So, he started wondering abo

When we have some fear, it seems to the person having that fear, that the fear makes sense.  If you have a fear, it would seem that fear is real and is valid.  But often -- if not most of the time -- that fear is at least overblown.  Sure, there are times when a fear is valid. But since our system is designed to over-fear, we suffer fears that are neither logical nor valid.  Since some fears are legitimate, it is tough to decide what is fair fear and what is useless. In fact, those fears aren't just useless, they are limiting.  They keep us from moving forward with living. In prior episodes, we have examined how our thoughts lead to feelings and fear, that any emotional state can be tracked to thoughts you are having, independent of reality (although it may reflect some reality). So, in this episode, David Wood returns to examine how beliefs affect and create our thoughts.  Which leads to the fact that our emotions and fears and their roots in our beliefs.  Beliefs that may not be true. But how do you te

Three years ago, at the age of 51, I walked into the jiu jitsu gym.  I wasn't returning to some skill I learned when I was younger.  I was starting fresh.  As a beginner.  To be honest, I had some idea about what jiu jitsu involved... but I had no idea on how to participate. I was a beginner! The fact is, every accomplished person in every single field started the same way.  As a beginner.  It is an unavoidable part of starting anything and learning anything.  And at that point, you don't even know all the things you don't know! This is the first discovery of mastery.  The NOT knowing of everything.  So that you can start learning.  It is what the Zen masters refer to as "The Beginner Mind."  It is the natural state of beginning, and a good mindset to nurture throughout life, even as mastery comes in other areas. Which is why it is interesting that many adults hit a point in life when they are unwilling to start new, to become the beginner.  And unfortunately, that cuts off the path of growth.  It holds u

How does a young man from the projects end up playing table tennis in North Korea... on a diplomacy mission? How he ended up there is not much different than how Wally Green ended up in Germany, becoming a world-class ping pong player, after leaving his gang past behind. I "met" Wally on a Zoom call with lots of others and knew I needed to have him on Thriveology.  I wanted to talk with him because he had a  handle on thriving.  Not because he was making life look easy.  But because he was taking life on. As a child, Wally was faced with domestic violence at home and gang violence outside.  Even though he threw himself into sports as an escape, he didn't escape gang life.  As he noted, it was a matter of survival. But guess was really saved Wally's life?  Table tennis. How did he get there?  Because he broke a stolen pool cue.  And he took out his frustration on someone playing table tennis.  One thing led to another... and there he was in North Korea. Really, Wally is the one who needs to tell the stor

Just for transparencey, I am an introvert.  And for much of my life, I found that frustrating when around others.  I felt like a deer in headlights.  How do I start a conversation?  How do I avoid not going way too deep with a conversation?  And working a room?  Makes me sweat, just to think about that. But is there any advantage to the introvert?  Is there a place where introversion can be a gift...an advantage? Well, of course.  But most introverts don't really see it.  We just feel the frustration of watching extroverts navigate a party easily, find success in networking, and seem to be at ease in the public. But what if that group included some true introverts who have managed to look extroverted?  And what if those really aren't strong parameters for success, anyway? On this episode, my guest is Matthew Pollard, serial entrepreneur, public speaker, author, and... introvert.  Matthew's recent book is about how introverts can actually have the advantage in networking. In our conversation, Matthew does

"So, I guess it is pretty tough to thrive these days, isn't it?" a friend remarked.  He was assuming that, in order to thrive, life must be going well.  Everything in place, and everything humming along. Sure, those are nice days.  And yes, they represent easier moments.  But thriving is not just about having things go well.  It is possible to thrive, in spite of what life is throwing your way. Or maybe because of what life is throwing at you. And wow, life is really throwing it at us these days, isn't it?  Yesterday marked the one year anniversary since the first COVID case made it to the States.  We've been living with that virus now for a year.  Then throw in the economic struggles, thanks to the virus.  Then toss in a little political struggle, some social unrest.  These are challenging days! And if we aren't careful, we can let media (social and otherwise) keep us hyped up on fear and dread. Or we can find our place of calm.  Our spot of ease. In this episode of Thriveology Podcast, I cover the spa

The world seems to be careening forward these days.  It can feel like we are just holding on for dear life. But are we? Sure, there are events that we can't stop or prevent.  Weather comes.  Accidents happen.  Others make choices that impact us.... Wait.  Back up there.  Did you see that?  Others are making choices.  And so can we.  Not a choice on whether or not something happens.  But a choice on how we respond to it. Each year, I choose a single word to guide my year.  This year, the word is Creator.  That does tend to be a large portion of my job these days... creating podcasts, writing books and articles, creating online courses.  Even coaching is a creative process, working to help others access their power to create.  Their power to choose. This has me reflecting on a daily basis, on exactly how I am going to be creator to my day.  What choices do I make that create my day?  What choices do I make that allow me to create? Am I in full control?  No.  Nobody is.  But that doesn't mean I don't have

Wow!  What a year it has been!  And many people have asked how I can possibly speak about thriving when it just feels like we are surviving. But that is the point!  Thriving is not what we learn when everything is going well, when life is just humming along.  We learn to thrive when we take on the challenge of the tough stuff!  When we decide that surviving is not enough.  Growing and changing, challenging and surmounting.  Those are where we learn the skills of thriving. Then, when things are a bit easier... a lul in the action... we can breathe and enjoy. Which brings us to the cusp of a new year.  When 2020 started, most of us were unprepared for the last 9 or 10 months... but it was already in motion.  Now, as we look down the path of the New Year, change is once again in motion.  For us to get "back to life." Even though life never really went away.  We didn't go into suspended animation. Many of us made changes; many held on for dear life.  But innovation is all around us.  Evidence of what we human

And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable! Why the stress? In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress. Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings and connections of this holiday season. RELATED RESOURCES Why We Stress 5 Ways to Shift from Stressful to Restful Deepening the  Holidays Book:  Thrive Principles

I always find it helpful to have some "rules" to live by.  Short statements that help keep me pointed in the right direction, ready to handle the challenges of life. And let's be honest:  challenges are an unavoidable part of life.  Those who tell you that having struggles, challenges, or illnesses is an indication that you are doing something wrong?  They are wrong and misguided.  Life is going to challenge each of us... right up until we die.  Which every one of us will do. So the question is how we live our lives.  Today.  Right now.  Regardless of what life is throwing your way. What we often do, in the face of a challenge:  Worry, Complain, Avoid.  All three keep us stuck, frozen in place and to the challenge ahead of us. So, I have decided instead, to adopt the rule of "Act or Accept."  I will either act toward resolution, or I will accept where I am.  And the acceptance?  It need not be permanent.  It is about where I am right now.  It may be waiting for a possible action. Let's talk about this ru

Have you ever arrived at that spot in life...the place you were pushing to be...only to look around and realize it was not what you thought it would be?  In fact, it isn't even what you want? Maybe that dream job, relationship, or status, really wasn't the dream, after all.  Even if you worked hard to get there.  Even if you sacrificed to get there. Do you stay?  Or do you step back and undo? Market researchers talk about the "sunk cost fallacy."  A "sunk cost" is the amount you have already paid or invested in something, whether time or resources.  It is already gone.  Already "sunk" (thus the name).  The fallacy part is the tendency for people to keep pushing ahead, sticking with something because of the sunk cost.  You hold onto a stock because you invested in it...even as the price plummets. Instead of leaving a losing game, you stay in because of what you have already lost. We do it every day. My guest in this episode is Erika Gerdes.  She dreamed of working at Google.  But the thought was intimidat

Like a broken record... or an endless audio loop.  Those thoughts that just keep turning in your mind.  Okay, in MY mind.  But I bet it happens to you, too. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that I get up to 2 emails.  One is complimentary, thanking me for resources, books, podcasts... things like that.  Then there is another email, critical and harsh, telling me how useless my info was. I read them both and head off to walk my dog. Do you think I ponder that kind one?  Or keep looping back to that unkind one? Yep, you guessed it.  And I bet you guessed it because it happens to you, too. And that thought... it isn't just a passing thought.  No.  I find my body tense up, the anger/hurt churning in my gut. The other day, I was out for my morning walk with my sidekick, Ziggy (our silver lab).  We were about half-way through and I realized my palms were sweaty, tightly gripping the leash (which is a waist leash, so I don't even need to be holding it!).  My chest is tight, my stomach is tight.  I ask myse

These days are filled with stress. The pandemic, politics, relationships, work, pay, weather. You name it, these are stressful times. But what IS stress? As much as we toss that term around, sometimes almost as a badge of honor, you may not think about what that term is REALLY about. When we talk about "stress," in everyday life, we are more talking about psychological stress.  Which is really just a term for something else.  Something we'd rather not claim. But once we recognize what it really is, we can do something about it.  So, let's figure out why we stress... and what we can do about it. Listen below to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to discover what stress really is… and what we can do about it. RELATED RESOURCES We ALL Have Fears Your Thriving Body Dealing With Anxiety Dealing With Depression Thrive Principles Book

Where does hope come from?  Does it come upon us?  Do we discover it?  Or do we build it? I believe that hope is an important ingredient in thriving.  If you have no hope, it is tough to thrive. Finding hope often helps us find thriving. Oh, and thriving is not about having an easy life, always exciting and happy.  A thriving life is built on taking on the challenges of life.  Not avoiding them, but taking them on, learning from them, and thriving because of them. 2020 has been the year of challenges.  So, it has also given us lots of opportunities to work on thriving.  How has it been for you?  Hopeful or hopeless? What if hope is built?  What if all you have to do in order to find hope is follow a formula? As is true for many things in life, the formula is pretty simple.  But that is not to be confused with easy.  Do remember that thriving is rarely built, though, on the easy.  Taking on the simple, but important, is often the path to thriving. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we take a loo

Hasn't 2020 been a doozy of a year?  Pandemics, weather, policitics... asteroids???  What else can happen? A national election, of course (in the United States, anyway).  And not just any election.  It would be a doozy, too, any other year. But this year?? According to a recent poll, over 70% of those polled in the States say that the election is a significant source of stress.  And 77% saya they are worried about the future of the US. How do we deal with the Election Anxiety?  How can we keep from feeling the negative impact of the election on our emotional well-being? In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I cover what causes the anxiety, and six ways to deal with it.  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES The Coping with Covid Series What CAN You Control? My Books

Have you noticed that story you are telling yourself (and others) that is running through your mind?  It is the one about why you did (or didn't do) what you did (or didn't do).  You are trying to explain yourself -- to yourself and others. You are Self-Splaining. And it is a story.  Not necessarily a lie.  But also not necessarily the truth. Humans are story tellers and meaning makers.  The stories we tell are to make meaning.  It helps the world to make sense, and helps us give reasons for what we did. And it can keep you stuck. Your self-splaining keeps you stuck because it "helps" you to make your actions/inactions reasonable (to yourself).  Reasonable, as in "Able to Reason."  You can give a reason.  One that makes sense to you... even if not to anyone else.  You can just keep telling yourself "why" -- self-splaining. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss how we self-splain, why that can get you stuck, and what to do to get un-stuck. RELATED RESOURCES Paradigms Stuck and Unstuck Re