Miserable Retail Slave

Witnessing a retail incident/ The Miserable Retail Meal/ Freestyle Coke machines/ A drive-thru fit/ So hangry/ Throwing the entire restaurant into chaos/ Why are owls the wise birds?/ The lazy predator/ a new national bird and a new statue of liberty/ Come wallow in my tragic kingdom/ balloons draped over the power line = the clown house/ Tommy’s going to Indy/ Tommy is anxious/ Andrew Luck lives in the catacombs/ Tommy can’t physically break a leg/ God’s bubble wrap/ Tommy’s encounter with his guardian angel/ a titan of intellect/ Just a couple of hipsters in love/ Randy’s guardian angel/ written down goals/ a mystery Facebook account/ An “in-tune guy”/ The return of a segment that no one cares about/ The Miley Fancast/ CYRUS/ Seeing Adam Sandler and David Spade/ Tommy’s Adam Sandler impression/ Making copies/ Tommy’s Sandler jokes/ A study of human interaction in a retail environment/ A satellite dame/ THAT PAULA/ “I don’t know how old people are anymore”/ Male multi-tasking/ The best possible responsible/T

More Tales of Barber Bill/ Tommy’s emo haircut/ being one the guys in the barber shop/ Rags Wilson, “Edsel’s Last Plow”/ Telepathic barbers would make the best hitman/ Hitman barber skills/ Cut the Soul Hair/ Tommy would make a good hitman/ The Glorious Singing Mafia/ Tommy performs Dean Martin/ Win the human race by being born later/ Barber Bill’s Al Capone connection/ The Equinox Bros./ The Bad News Bears of the vehicle crowd/ The world has been strange lately/ Tommy gets in a grocery store fight/ “I A Verbal Street Fighter”/ The Elvis Impersonator/ Everyone should wear pull-away pants to the bar/ sculpted out of Tootsie Rolls/ Fat Free Cheese/ Bar Nostalgia/ Dyed Cigarette Smoke Blond/ Peanut debates/ Tommy buys a pop/ “She Blows me the weirdest sigh”/ A retail confrontation/ Tommy calls people out now/ The Reality Check Brothers/ White Holes/ A Golden Corral Celebrity/ social media and parents/ Randy’s Career Fair: Faceplant/ I “oof” a lot/ Give thanks to Bob Sager for YouTube/ Jump/ Seeing people in conc

Tommy’s Hamster Wheel/ Anxiety/ Randy was an uneasy rider/ Creeps have library cards/ One mini-disaster after another/ a new hero?/ One of the guys in O-Town/ Tucking your shirt in is your security blanket/ The age range of shots/ Becoming a bar man/ Introducing Drawstring/ Drawstring’s special ability/ Tommy’s tip for ruining your day real quick/ Running into Macho Man Randy Savage/ Superfly’s Tum of Steel/ Tommy’s wrestling name is The Girthy Bell/ Emoji Headed Robot Bodies/ Jeopardy is the happy place/ Getting gross Money Bin diseases/ Kevin the Hot Gun/ Saying dumb things involuntarily/ Saying the stupidest things to the same people/ Wait, what?/ “it’s like a lot right now” - Weird Tommy makes a return/ Painting a happy little point like Bob Ross/ Randy has a beautiful voice/ Working inside a Disney cartoon/ The Pensive Song/ Learning to talk like Bruce Springsteen/ Or Steven Seagal/ A Thompson Show/ Tommy’s Book Store Story/ Tommy’s fake. but real laugh/ These BK Combinations/ The Cokes and The Pepsis/

NBA Jam rumors/ Can’t hate Jordan/ Tommy’s inner peace/ Simple Man/ Go have a little comedy baby/ Tommy Definitions/ “A Water Gun”/ A horror inside in a tupperware dish/ Food in a bathroom?/ Can you die from the scent of nuts?/ A nut assassin/ Make Peanut Butter, Not War/ All the Fat Boyz of America Unite/ the Fear of Trying New Foods/ Breaking down the phrase “silly goose”/ Tommy’s always sleepy/ A breakdown of Tommy’s life/ so many corn questions/ Billy Corgan/ How you gain an arch enemy?/ Kevin Costner/ Hitting birds/ glorious raptors/ Top 5 comedians/ Richard in cursive/ A hawk with a beer belly/ Left your heft/ Joel/ I’m a green light, baby/ A sad tale that will make you cry/ Cujo vs. Beethoven/ Updates on Danger Zone/ Is Olaf a better snowman than Frosty?/ The Bruce Springsteen autobiography/ “he paints a good point”/ Tommy gives some advice as a performer/ You don’t want it to be too hype/ The Online Dating Atlas/ Trying to find my dumb, stupid Juliet/ JUST ASK/ Tinder is the glory hole of online datin

  It's a short, weird episode.   Real responsibility/ Driving one of Voltron’s lions/ Action movie fears/ Eat the head?/ The right leg of a massive robot of death/ Skippers/ Wheelchair bound Voltron/ Picking up a healthy smoking habit/ The Ringer/ The Great Chair Scheme of 2017/ Harold is a weird word/ Collecting families like pogs/ The LOL/ APPARENTLY/ Chair scams/ Used Book Stores and their pets/ The Writer’s Block/ Hitting possums/ A story?/ Tommy’s haunted mirror story/ Quote of the day/ A new clothing brand/ Promiscuous Wear/ Updates on Danger Zone/ Correlations/ Resume to replace Tommy/ The end of Chris Vickers?/ Tommy is Mr. Negative/ a weird, horrible episode   Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://sound

A Patriotic Uncle Sam Ghost/ This sucks, do that instead/ Shark Voodoo/ Hammerheads would like a word/ Hammerman/ Parachute Pants/ Hammer was my Homie/ Who would win in a rap battle: MC Hammer or the Fresh Prince?/ Cocky rapper laugh/ Tommy’s bathroom stall tale/ These parking lots/ Gotta get that Blanche/ Mighty Mean/ These olds are reckless in these parking lots/ Smelling like Tom Waits’ Coat/ Tom Waits rules, bro/ Rebooting Rambo in a parking lot/ Bazooka Joe/ Surfing Dude Personas/ Tommy has Matchbox Twenty conversations/ Stoic face and Pensive Eyes/ LA Looks/ A Big Bug Movie/ The Louisville Ladybug/ Randy’s problem with Sharknado/ The cast of 90210/ Online dating is weird/ When online dating meets reality/ Pointing and laughing/ Dating in the 1950s/ Tommy has a nun love story/ a penguin in the desert/ Snapchat/ One second interactions/ Randy’s Career Fair: a nostalgic blinks of attention/ The Big Date/ Wanted: New Co-host/ Tommy doesn’t like clean things any more/ The Writer’s Block/ Tommy references Tom

Nostaligia/ Tommy references Little River Band for some reason/ Tommy was an ugly baby/ Well Baby/ Larry #1/ Urban Hicks/ The Legend of Larry/ That's Just Larry/ Looking up to people/ Randy the Gentleman/ High on the glue/ Becoming vanilla ice cream/ What does Tommy do with his days?/ Where the Sidewalk Ends/ A trick hip/ Doing yoga/ Apocalyptic Paper Jam/ The Mysteries of Tiffany's Pants/ The face of grasshoppers/ A Sissy Letter/ Updates on Danger Zone/ Probably/ It's got to be a two -way street/ No music festival worries/ Flashback: A Surreal Bar Experience/ The nose farts of HAB/ The tick tock of Florida crocs/ Missed Connections/ #WaitItOut/ Tommy's old motor brain/ Wanted the beast/ Men are boll weevils/ Tommy used his phone to make an order/ Watch as the Stain Grows/ The one time Missed Connections actually worked!!/ The Frustration of Chris Vickers/ Tommy tries to save his arch enemy/ Randy is not invited to Tommy's wedding/ What is Season 5 going to be about?/ The man of words/ The Almost Death/ Tommy

The Season Finale!!!   Rage Quit/ Pac-Man is eating ghosts/ We don't know the backstory of those ghosts/ Wal-Martin/ Pop-Tarts/ Space Facts with Mike Degrease Tyson/ a Wal-Mart Missed Connection/ Those Wal-Mart Piranhas/ a lost soulmate/ Those hard nose breathers/ Tommy performed at a pizza joint/ "There was way other food"/ a special guest/ Season Finale/ Tommy never bumps/ Randy was visited by Sweet Flu Rollins/ Randy the dragon/ An alternative to nuclear war/ a wrong Inspector Gadget reference/ Tommy cried after he was a bully/ "Never shaving creamed another soul"/ The Ghost of Jamiroquai/ The Way that 21st Century Ghosts haunt people/ The two things that Randy knows about Abe Lincoln/ Chris Vickers has more words for Tommy/ Struggling?!!?/ Pipsqueak/ Why are people afraid of clowns?/ Be afraid of the pale faces/ pushing for bathroom stall reform/ Stall gaps/ bathrooms in Italy/ Fart and philosophize/ Tigers stadium thoughts/ adding magical tees/ the elite, VIP stalls/ Depression/ Eyebrows Malone/ The Mise

Tommy can’t remember his childhood/ We make a Quantum Leap reference/ Abe Falcon is a Netflix Pioneer/ Never Stop Flipping/ Hootie & the Blowfish is the worst band ever/ You can’t Netflix Binge when you have real life/ Tommy should enter a strong man competition/ Randy has a way to unite the country/ Tommy looks like Kirby/ Taking away this Netflix/ Bones/ Sculpt Tommy’s beard/ How is a life as a big sissy?/ Sick again/ a plague of box elder bugs/ Tommy has an oil slick on his face/ Tommy has a third nipple on his forehead/ Another fast food incident/ Drive Thrus/ Gut fears/ Stretch marks/ “You’re like a kite in the wind right now”/ Loose skin/ Tommy is pretty shrinkwrapped/ Remind yourselves on the WAYS OF THE ROAD/ Drive Thrus are always a disaster/ Three hard shell tacos/ The Coolness Factor of the Taco Bell Menu/ Tommy’s teeth are falling out/ Have you ever tried to wiggle your teeth?/ Health insurance/ Fairly Unhealthy/ Yahoo Answers/ How do you become popular in high school?/ The Return of Chris Vic

Alright, Alright, Alright/ Getting older and getting weirder/ Mispronouncing Names/ Tummy/ The Human Sponge/ The Few Things in Life That are Funny/ Bumby/ Weird Thoughts/ Shower Beer City, a Water Park for Self Loathing Adults/ Mr Umbrella/ The Tip of The Iceberg and The Infinite Goof/ Tommy has a new voice/ 7 Years of Groans/ The first joke that Tommy told onstage/ Valentines Day/ Trying to not to get sick/ A new Mortal Kombat fatality/ Wearing a sick mask/ The Rules of Dealing with a Vomiting Man/ Two girls, one cup nostalgia/ The grossest thing that made you gag/ Booger Josh/ “I bet you were, Speedball”/ Is it offensive or nah?/ Another gross fast food encounter/ Save the Gorditas/ Oh My God/ Tommy gets sentimental/ Quote of the day/ Gas Stations of the World/ Missed Connections/The State Line/ Knight in Shining Armor/ A homewrecker/ The Miserable Hotline/ Charles Connections/ Long necks/ Tommy filmed a thing for Laughter is the Cure/ Tommy is on an emergency card/ No Tommy kisses for David the Producer  

A Retail Rant/ A Leatherfaced Harpy/ Tommy learned what GOAT means/ The Randy-Man Can/ That’s Deceiving/ Band-Aid/ Tommy worries about blood on his sandwich/ Stretched out belly buttons/ Bloody Band-Aids/ The Great Nacho Fiasco of 2012/ Fat Tuesday/ Another gas station tale/ Calamity Randy/ Freedom Gas/ Pay Attention/ Step Dad terms/ Lark/ The worst kinds of Shauns/ Online dating nonsense/ Fake News/ The worst kind of subtraction problem/ Red/ Illuminati Brother/ Red’s Pictures/ Everything’s a hoot/ Shy Bladder and the Kidney Stones/ A Clip from “Let Me Tell Ya”/ Mr. Power Struggle/ Tommy likes Maron/ The Miserable Hotline/ Must Love Belly Buttons/ Tommy’s arch enemy/ Tommy gets attacked on The Miserable Hotline/Tommy smelled like mothballs for an entire year   (episode 151)

Featuring Special Guests Sam Silverstein and Nick Tenaglia from Laughteristhecure.com !!! Someone Fell Into Feelings/ Tommy’s a creampuff/ Randy immigrated from Croatia/ Wretched Goat Vomit/ Snapchat filters/ Felecia, the Patron Saint of Byes/ Inspirational/ Tommy is a Choreboy/ 150th episode/ Perpetual pizza/ Tommy the stray cat/ the tougher pasta/ One more to add to the glossary of neck tattoos/ A fight about urban sprawl/ Missed Connections with TRB from The Retail Rant and Dr. Penrose from Penrose vs. Anybody/ The ranking of doctors/ Chicken pants/ Foghorn Eggpants/ Laughteristhecure.com/ Tommy trolls the park/ “Nice umbrella”/ Bit by Bit/ Being a bigger creep than Tommy/ What Laughter is The Cure is all about/ Kevin the VERY friendly ghost/ Mookie/ Smiling is for Life/ Would you rather a Super Mario mushroom or star?/ Tommy’s Nintendo story/ RIP Tootsie/ The One Finger Selfie challenge/ Cocoa Wheats or Nether Bits with Honey/ The Legend of Weedboy/ Missed Connections/Danger Sex/ Cheetos/ Just a dancer na

What’s your glitch, man?/ Mom sarcasm/ Live Laugh Love/ the Time Tommy got kicked out of a book store/ Sexy Sass Bombs/ The Myers-Briggs Test/ “it looks like water…but it ain’t water”/ Tommy the ice skater/ Tommy’s a winner/ The Wedding Date/ Not the best man/ Ruining Tommy’s special day/ The Limbo/ Barber Bill Tales/ The Monkey Apocalypse/ What if we become the aliens?/ Ride the comets/ Online dating nonsense/ Did Red ever respond?/ Jam & Tonic/ The Sophomore Effort/ Metal Mom/ textual laughter/ Deep Screamers/ Pay phones/ Missed Connections/ Side glancing Sammys/ The Moose Preserve/ I am the Conductor/ Tommy’s arch nemesis/ Parking Lot Reform/ the Bride of Beetlejuice Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and consider donating to the cause! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://s

ahoo Answers/ That Mariah Carey/ Scandals/ Moms are weird/ Star Bores/ “Eye Balls, Get Back in My Body”/ Diva Repellant/ Cricks/ People Watching/ A mid-40s date/ Trenchcoat/ Friendzoned/ The Lover Equation/ ‘Gram Worthy/ Missed Connections/ Lil Country Girl/ These O.D.s/ The Miserable Hotline needs your help/ The Start of the Bad/ “You do something special to my Diet Pepsi”/ Tommy almost gets mugged/ Randy the Mallrat/ Got Green/ the Harry Potter Ball/ An app/ Tinder problems/ Facebook is a mating ground/ To become the most interesting man in the world/ sending an online dating message/ The #WaitItOut Movement/ Throwing my hat in the ring/ The Bachelor/ Christine/ Shall we play a game?/ Super Music Maker Deluxe Game/ Young M.A./ Tommy knows what makes the hits/ Daya/ Squadgoals/ Tommy deleted his Twitter Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and consider donating to the cause! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy o

Polite Sick/ Elbow Crooks/ Tommy is Uncle Todd/ Tommy meets Barber Bill/ Nathan, the best gas station attendant in the world/ Randy’s new catchphrase/ Nathan’s friends/ Grapple/ Ruining a man’s day/ Cursed by a lazy eye/ Tommy is a Dick Van Dyke Man/ Are you a New You?/ Tommy’s 2016 New Year’s Resolutions/ Tommy has a house/ Randy needs whimsy/ Sharing a hobby/ Drones/ Facing death/ Hawk fights/ A Hawk Weapon/ Online dating nonsense/ Tommy’s a super quitter/ An age of enlightenment/ Tommy’s worst memory/ These blondes/ A tutor/ Having fun/ Felippe the Hawk/ Aren’t you right?/ Randy’s Career Fair/ Rent-A-Friend/ My new friend Sam/ The Reality Check Best Friend? The Poo to Non-Poo Ratio/ How Tommy got fat/ The Cult of Dr. Penrose   Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and consider donating to the cause! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard T

The Strangest Combination/ One of those neck tattoos again/ A Mutt of Confused Identities/ The Melting Pot/ Angry Tommy/ Marlboro Man is too cool/ A Nice Huge Middle Finger/ Tommy’s baby fit/ My ‘Nox/ Wild N Loose/ Sweet Flu Rollins/ Sax Games/ A Ctrl+Alt Delete Conservative/ We’re all set with these Christmas Songs/ The Secret Origin of Tommy/ You Got a Sacrilegious Mouth/ Burnt Carrot/ Metallica/ That punchline when Randy met a girl in The Regular World/ You Both Have Careers/ Tommy recaps his 2016/ Randy recaps his 2016/ You’re a SoHo/ Rubies/ Shootin’ Blanks/ The Miserable Hotline/ Tommy’s Arch Enemy Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and consider donating to the cause! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy (Episode 146)

Origami face/ Why Would Wal-Mart…/A Volcano of Pure Machismo/ Tommy the Chaffeur driving Miss Daisy/ Macho Man Randy Travis/ Great Capers/ Updates on Rita and will she show up?/Randy’s a Monster/ Acid Tongue Tommy/ Getting used to the Heartbreak/The Art of Putting Yourself in Uncomfortable Situations/ Sticker Neck Tattoos/ Miserable Rejection Sausage/ Randy is a Squirrel Nut Zipper/ The One/ Don’t put a period on it/ Randy’s mistake/ Gamer/Tommy’s Closing Out Affair/ Footsies Up the Tootsies/ Randy meets a girl in The Regular World/ Hi, Bleeeeep/ Randy’s going to stand-up comic all over Tommy/ sitting on your Lauryn Hills/ Striped shirts/ Those brows were on fire/ Getting a Carhardt means you’re a man/ Tommy Garage/ Any Grown Man in America/ Where’s Waldo, not in my…./Being judged by a child/ She was such a good guy/ Sport Thompson/ “I flash my lights, he don’t move”/ So young?/ Pucker up your eyebrows/ The eyebrow is my vice/ Randy has a revelation/ Club Cats   Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/Miserable

Podcast Persona/ Home of The Whopper/ Loogie Beard/ The Arcane Sciences of BK/ Some Boardie/ Tommy’s missing ear pieces/ Tommy’s Massive News/ I’m a Good Guy/ Tommy’s so selfish/ Randy Doesn’t Make the Cut/ Dating a Bison/ Promise Rings/ Wooing the girl of the week/ 2016/ Midlife Crisis Dad Vehicle/ The life of all gods/ Car Buyer’s Porn/ New Segment: we watch a video/ take the rest of the year off, Tommy/ Video Dating/ The Holiday Season is Approaching/ Dickliner/ Tommy’s a glow/ Rita and online dating nonsense/ Rita from The Nasty/ Randy can hit the breaking ball/ A miracle on ice/ Chad, the god of douchebags/ Husky Joey Tribianni/ The First Thinking Monkey/ Step Over It, Iggy/ Aristotle Winters   *Check out the missing part of this episode at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave. Look for S04E44.5 "Premature Shoots & Ladders"  Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “

Tommy and Wal-Mart are in a feud/ Tommy doesn’t know what frugal means/ The Glossary of Neck Tattoos/ Deep Thoughts with Tommy/ Thank you, Wal-Mart Jesus/ Robin’s speedo/ Robin has hairy legs/ Batman loves Morrisey/ Tommy ranks Batman villains/ Bat Shark Repellant/ Batman vs Sharks/ Randy is a Minecraft character/ Barber Bill gets Triggered/ Being defined by your hair part/ The Sacred Symbol/ Women with straight down hairs/ The Great Barber vs. Beautician War/ That Barber Pole/ Lost Wages, Nevada/ The Patreon Page/ Tommy’s never gonna sell out Madison Square Garden/ Wilson/ Online Dating/ A plea to Dok Doom/ Smashingly/ Introducing Rita/ turning Tinder into a promotional machine/ We are sells outs/ The D*ck of the Week/ Supa Po’/ Sexting Gremlins/ So buoyant/ Acne/ The zitty, zitty face of the company/ Morticia/ Dr. Penrose   *S04E40 and S04E41 + Diary of a Retail Slave, vol. 1 and vol. 2 are exclusive for Patreon subscribers! Go ahead. Subcribe: patreon.com/miserableretailslave   Call The Miserable Hotline!!

Whistling fats/ Safety pins/ Remember when there was no fact checking with Google?/ An expert on religion, ten drinks in/ That Hamburger Helper Glove mascot/ The Noid/ The Eye Doctor/ Tommy’s a dumpy little bat boy/ Zombie Eyes/ Ol’ Raisin Eyes/ The Rock is sexy/ Hulk Hogan’s Uncle Jesse (The Body)/ These Mondays/ Is Monday the start of the week or is Sunday?/ A Day in the Life of a Tommy/ Tommy’s friend played against Dave Coulier in a hockey game/ Jeff Daniels vs. Dave Coulier/ Moby Dick Monday/ Living on a houseboat/ Randy can’t swim/ World Records/ Made a trip through time and space/ Talking to a woman in The Regular World/ Training videos/ A new sponsor/ Smiting my enemies/ A visit to KFC/ “I was the fatness”/ Tommy’s sobriety/Tommy has road rage/ The Southpaw Spocker/ Spock judgement/ KFC holds the world’s secrets/ Nic Cage/ A Hulk Hogan leg drop stops time/ A retail tale…or re-tale, if you will/ The female embodiment of Beetlejuice/ D of the Week/ A new mascot for Thanksgiving/ My Meat Song/ The Backbu