Miserable Retail Slave

These morning rituals? Can't join the rat race/ Waterbeds/ Winning with some wimming/ Miserable Morning Ritual Slave/ A license to marry/ James Bond of the marriage/ New format/ Mondays/ The face of Ugh Life/ Poetry Nook/ trucker s camp at Wal-Mart/ Joe Khaki and The Infinite Misery/ Body Juices/ trucker s camp at Wal-Mart/ Gross hoodies/ Slob/ Cavemen had it easy/ Those hot live ones/ Caveman Douchebags/ Bone Tomahawk/ Wear a scalp/ Apt Pupil is gay?/ Stephen King > William Shakespeare/ The Shining is better than Romeo and Juliet/ Quote of the day/ Bullet pills/ Life is an LOL emoji/ Amazon Key/ Quality Question/ Tommy doesn t have a Prime/ Tommy the cranky old man/ Sorry in Advance podcast shout out and why you should listen/ Drywall personalities/ The day Tommy finds joy   Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 "LIKE" us on the Facebook, would ya? Even better, come join our closed Facebook crew and enjoy t

In this episode, we do the thing that you're supposed to right before your good chum gets married...it's a BACHELOR PARTY...but in podcast form. Featuring special appearances by: Juliette Miranda & David the Producer from “The Unwritable Rant” podcast, TRB from “Welcome to Rantyville”, Nick from “Epic Film Guys”, Jake and Tom from “Jake and Tom Conquer the World”, Dr. Penrose from “Penrose vs. Anybody”, Marc James and Rick Mancrush from the Poop Culture podcast, Big D from The Bro-Rons podcast, and Matty F from “Let Me Tell Ya” Extra, Extra/ That will be it/ My fast food script/ The brand new weird food/ The Mexi-Rib/ Belgrande Boy/ Tommy’s new car/ Tommy took Randy’s money/ BIG TROUT/ Tommy makes some claims about his ancestors/ What the Worst Thing/ Tommy’s Gin Blossoms facts/ No sympathy for a sick man/ Pete Wince/ PODCAST BACHELOR PARTY/ Shoot your snot/ The divorce papers are already filled out/ Doorway hustlers/ What a gallant sir/ Juliette Miranda and David the Producer/ David the Producer’s god v

Not a competitive man/ The kids need money/ Smug dogs/ This is Tommyland now/ Mudstreaks/ A tale from Randy’s youth/ The Shoplifter/ Mr Sears’ Gold Chocolate Coin/ The lessons of Stan Lee and Spider-Man/ The Scowling Face of Despair/ Laptop woes/ These Wal-Marts/ Tommy’s dumb joke/ The full fury of the history of court jesters behind you/ The Garbage Disposal/ Getting Away From The Landfill – a comedy album/ a sea of neck tattoos/ Paperboy old ladies/ a parking lot confrontation/ Tommy’s WiFi/ Stealing the wedding/ The Tattletale/ Stealing the wedding/ Randy’s ideas for Tommy’s weddings/ Dancing in public/ a new tattoo for Tommy/ the unbeatable combo/ Not a Bachelor Party Guy/ a real Nancy Drew/ kickstart that 401K/ Randy’s Career Fair/ The Font Taskmaster and The Google Killjoy/ Smartphone McGee/ Quality Question of the week/ That flocks of ghosts there/ The Couch Party Crew/ Tommy had gigs in Wisconsin and bought a cheesehead/ A club sandwich/ Criss Cross action/ that pretty US 2/ Wisconsin is awesome/ Thes

Divorce rates/ those cold feet/ Morals and Values Thompson/ Married to Yourself/ Tommy “just knows”/ Randy Franchises/ Find a mate/ How many carats/ Manifest Destiny/ Settle quarrels with duels/ 32 and a half yards sideways/ a lynch mob/ Dating Miss America/ Back up glasses/ Perfect square glasses/ Never settle/ Social media posts/ A “like” whore/ Weird Tommy/ Getting people’s attention/ Carrying glasswares/ Not afraid to dash a glass/ knowing the protocols of life/ stuck in social purgatory/ What would your genie wish be?/ Tommy hates money/ The plural form of words/ the modern day Helen of Troy/ Kneel/ Quality Question/ BUY A SHIRT/ Quote of the Week/ It’s not the Awful Tower/ Hinge, the online dating app/ Boring-Town, USA/ “Go a little kamikaze or something”/ Tommy’s wooing of The Beloved/ The wits and the dullards/ Shout outs to Textual Healing and Sorry in Advance/ Randy’s Kissing Booth/ Missed Connections/ The problem with bagels/ Too gassed up/ Mani-fart Destiny/ a very erotic wad of carbs/ the total c

Why would I do that?/ the fans/ peaks and valley/ Wrinkles galore/ What percentage of the nation finds you attractive?/ The Ultimate Betrayal: Michael and the Ninja Turtles/ Wedding probation/ local bowling alley legends/ Peter Dinky/ Hogging the glory/ Cocky about self awareness/ Too ugly/ God’s Yawning Son/ We go Free Willy/ Recognize your Free Willy/ Maybe I am the menopause/ an airing of grievances/ Tommy’s sheltered emotions/ Bathroom knocking/ “I am the one who knocks”/ the home throne/ Tommy’s non-PC nickname/ These car shows/ Bros before used car shows/ Mummies/ Dabbing/ Senator Kid Rock/ Tommy quitting comedy/ Unrequited crushes/ Never fall into feelings/ Am I a Care Bear/ Tommy dated weird girls/ We’re starting a speed dating and comedy show/ Better than anyone you could ever date/ the world’s greatest secret/ becoming a Juggalo/ Tommy’s show/ An online dating ad/ online dating nonsense/ dog puns again/ Getting spayed/ Jumping the gun again/ “I wanna get the beef”/ Online dating is like Tetris/ Tomm

MC Whopper/ Overly happy retail workers/ Nathan, The Best Gas Station Attendant in the World/ a ball of drugs/ that time someone almost got sold meth/ the nose ring power of fable/ closing the pool/ fake and sarcastic retail/ food tremors/ Call your hotlines, kids/ Tommy’s new haircut/ the wolf man of paris, france/ Honey talk/ what is honey?/ Honey never expires/ infin-nin-nite/ Founding Fathers Honey/ Working to get to the yawn/ The Convenience Nurse?/ More Nathan talk/ theatrically trained in the art of gas station/ this woman at the gas station/ Simple Scotty/ the know-it-all mechanic/ don’t know cars/ keep it 100 always, yo/ WWII propaganda/ self-inflicted HIV/ male discoveries/ used cars salesman/ The Joe Guarantee/ Fantasy football teams/ No one cares about your fantasy football team/ Baklava, the Street Fighter/ Tommy goes to a steak house and gets a salad/ Slacker’s Day/ Tommy’s waiting adventure/ Angry Uber Drivers/ Down Boyz 69/ A Saturday Night in Flint, MI/ Quality Question/ Suggested messages/ a

Baby Birded/ These fast food lines/ The Breaking Bad RV/ Freestyle Coke Machines/ The Filthy Larry/ Lips/ a horrible Venus fly trap/ a sickly Edgar Allan Poe/ the morning class/ coffee and workplace humor/ 127 Hours/ Weird Online Dating Sites/ Settle For Love/ the Tinder for Weed/ Gluten Free Singles/ Gothic Match/ Ugly Schmucks/ Mullet Passion/ Hey, diaper baby. Hey/ Gadget/ A missed opportunity/ my Peter Parker/ Mission Impossible with phone numbers/ a phone number assassin/ the bad guy/ the big scuzz of Normandy/ The Dumpster Diving Clan/ Shoutouts/ Fragile Rock/ Dad Rock/ Hot Blooded/ A Khaki of dads Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 "LIKE" us on the Facebook, would ya? Even better, come join our closed Facebook crew and enjoy the insanity. Just search “Miserable Retail Slave” on the Facebook! Leave us a 5-star, positive iTunes review...that would be so kind of you! Follow us on Instagram: https://w

The worst pharmacy of all the lands/ The bad Avengers/ The worst retail workers/ Old Muffins/ a return to Fully Bev/ “We Got Ice!”/ Frozen miracles/ A bumbling gargoyle/ PAT/ PAT TIME/ A Miserable Retail Slave/ Tommy’s a Ghetto Superstar/ Lauryn Hill Part 2/ How many blinds?/ The Eclipse/ We are sheeple/ What do you do without social media?/ Bono is Eclipse ready/ Fighting Bono in a bar room brawl/ The Edge/ A big AIDS man/ Causing a ruckus on Facebook/ staying current, like a river/ a new phrase is invented/ dropping the chicken/ A smiling, potential listener/ the mouth ukulele of Jack Johnson/ “Excuse me, Miss”/ The treachery and deceitful body/ Tommy’s wedding/ Honeymoons/ cousint/ Let b—— in at night/ Making a baby/ Why raccoons mate/ Shall we play a game?/ Create a super hero name/ a clown shark/ the new IT/ Seeing Borat on my birthday/ the most deadliest of olive/ cactus fetus/ Tommy’s comedy show/ Grandpa’s Donkey Juice/ No merch, Tommy, The novice/ Missed connections/ The camping grandma/ Fell in love

Hair scares/ A gypsy curse/ An alpha move/ A left part/ A southpaw/ The microphone master/ the variations of the female haircut/ The twisted beauty salon experience/ Tommy the nice guy/ Heaven is to blame/ Mushrooms and horse noises/ The Great Relief of it all/ Tommy’s 2-hour haircut/ Dreaming about haircuts/ “i beg to differ, my plump son”/ Having all the man smells/ Hot dog smells/ A parade of fools/ a flock of Amish/ Segments/ A special guest/ Laura/ THE RIBS/ Cliff Notes/ The Infinite Bore/ A guru/ Tommy’s weight/ No extra skin on the Tommy/ The meaning of pal/ The stats of dee pics/ A great love story/ Ribs with a bib/ Elbow pics/ Dumb dumb stupid friends on Facebook/ Ecosexuals/ “You ever hump a flower?”/ The earth is your lover/ Missed Connections/ A generous coffee pourer/ Lead foot/ A real likeable wave/ “This isn’t a missed connection, this is a confession…”/ INTENSE COLORS/ The craziest online dating experience/ #2, at least/ The men of online dating/ Defeat the boredom of love/ One more favor/ Hug

People are the dumbest humans/ A place of letters/ Coffee Cup Philosophizers/ Philoso-raptors/ Great Grandfather Tyrannosaurus Rex/ Forced vasectomies/ Tommy doesn’t know what a vasectomy is/ The Land of the Tom and Kin/ Clouded in Confusion/ Gas Station and Drive Thru humor/ A real life Kool Aid Man/ Zit Galaxy/ A witness to some sort of incident/ These trucks and the trailers of Infinite Possibilities/ The Dorkiest Motorcycle Owner Ever/ Tommy, the 4 year old daredevil/ “Drive a motorcycle”/ Question yourself/ These wrong, confident people/ The Strawberry Metaphor/ A moldy soul/ Soulless?/ An epiphany is had thanks to Grant The Rage Boy/ File sharing ruined life/ Lars Ulrich, described/ None Deserved/ Hearts/ The Love Millennial/ “I’m the hero of my own story”/ A vain man for no good reason/ Whole Hog into the wacky/ Kiss Cam on a date/ The Total Insanity Man/ Online dating nonsense/ The Match Song/ You ever have wildest dreams?/ Old people games/ Planting the flag/ My type/ Shoutouts to Functioning Drunks

Rickelodeon/ No More Big Als/ Where did all the nicknames go?/ A vow is made/ The magic trick/ Some pie in sky dreams/ Some gnarly boot/ The story of how Tommy joined the podcast/ The Pomegranate and Slapstick Show/ An ominous mystery message/ The philosophy of Tom/ Stop and smell those roses/ A tooth is gone/ Library comedy/ Hating house parties/ Tommy’s drunk finger waggle/ That search history/ Meeting new people/ The Moon Urges/ The best mooning story/ Stumblin’ Inn/ Randy’s Career Fair: Professional tag player/ World Chase Tag/ Clove Cigarettes and Vaping/ Tommy’s blown out knee/ Weak caps/ Spaced Evader/ World Chase Tag nicknames/ The definition of peril/ Tommy’s no good, very bad day/ A missing wallet/ It’s always good to have a good dawning/ An online dating update/ She Gone/ Refresh your ego/ Today’s Quality Question/ The Newsletter/ Why do people make up seeing UFOs/ Mashed Potato Lady/ A re-tale/ Read like a paperback novel/ What not to wear on a date/ GQ AF/ Tommy’s 1st date with The Beloved/ Corny

The Exploding Face/ Dentists are a conspiracy/ A Brace-face Man/ Appointments/ Let’s clear our calendars/ Faking smiles/ These waiting rooms/ The Shark Dentist/ Broflakes and Rebel Skanks/ McGraw Facts/ Cassette mixtapes were the first Spotify play lists/ “Why are you battling me?”/ Cast off the shackles/ Have a day off like Ferris Bueller/ Tommy has an appointment with his tractor/ Tommy hates the word “peep”/ We don’t need topics/ Ladybug/ Tommy doesn’t know how to things/ Imbibing the death of life/ Tommy and band practice/ A comedy show at a library/ The art of quiet comedy/ Getting lit at the library/ Big Stuff/ Personal space issues/ The Man who needed Pee/ Fake urine/ Sundate/ Scoffing at the zoo/ The Return of Chris Vickers in Hell/ Picking up the Pieces/ Tommy is a super villain named Sloth/ Online dating/ Grant the Rage Boy/ Disappear like Houdini/ Tommy the answer man/ Shooting your Duck Hunt shot/ Love dogs/ The new Dog Whisperer/ The Scent of Awesome/ The Difference Between 5 and 1/ Tommy’s ridic

One those old fashioned hot button issues/ Salute the problem/ Dad Flirts/ Elevate above dad status/ Skillfully twisting dad jokes into dad flirts/ Such a Bad Dad/ A Dave Suit/ Digital Dad Flirts/ Emoji Flirts/ Emoji Dads/ People are weird/ The Kings of Junk Conversation/ A Steve Harvey/ Tommy and the Rainbow/ A LifeSexual/ Tommy painting the nature/ “it was a miracle”/ Rubies/ Grandpa and Grandma at the comedy show with their friend/ McGruff the Time Dog/ The Stuffed Dog/ Tommy polices the audience/ Fanny Heaven/ A service dog on the floor/ Being quirky/ The weird 30s/ The Great Jenga Tournament/ Tommy’s off the wagon/ Breadbull/ Pickle Jar strength/ Failing Darwin/ Charles Bronson and David Duchovny/ Poetry Slams/ Millennial voodoo priests/ Barbarian feet/ Don’t ever take your boots off/ Why do people buy dolls?/ Tommy’s doll story/ Scuffy’s my baby/ Doll Parts/ Women Playing Chess 3: Clothing Optional/ Ken with a man bun/ The progression of tattoos/ Don’t Date This Dude DOT com/ Am I Gonna Get the Ribs aga

Basking in the glory of the Retail Paradise/ Workplace humor/ Saving two damsels in distress at the self checkout/ Tommy needs to know about women/ haha./ On Point at all times/ AWESOME SENTENCES ONLY, the golden rule/ Constructing an identity/ The Rules of flannel, LOL, and emojis/ A little pork pie hat/ Wearing Hawaiian Shirts/ These Flat Bills/ “You sound like McDonald’s now”/ A Residual Time Remnant Tommy/ Tommy’s wild hog/ A NATTY DADDY, FIREBALL, AND A MATADOR BEEF STICK/ In Randy’s Ditch/ The Walking Tomb/ Tommy’s motorcycle habits/ The Technicolor Dreamboat/ The first strange girl you asked out/ Remembering Tommy’s memories for him/ Crispy/ Nerd at the Mall on MTV/ Only the Fitch or Nothing/ Tommy has a friend named Nikki/ “I was orange”/ a handsome orange prince/ a 1999 sitcom/ “You’ll let anyone walk with you, won’t you”/ The Love Note/ Big Bad Wolves/ Sometimes I like my women Chicago style/ Becoming a slimeball/ Spunky/ Funnel Cloud Charles/ Online Dating Nonsense/ Tommy’s life/ Why are we even fr

Chunk rolls/ The power of the eye rolls/ Chuck W. Norris/ Tommy’s snake/ Porches and snakes/ Kyle/ You ever see a mummy in real life/ Starr and Sweet Tiff/ Why do we assume that soap is the cleanest thing/ Body Wash/ Offensive or not/ Apologize to all of the organizations/ Fury-ass/ A sarcasm vigilante/ “Shut up, Candyland”/ Tommy’s Anti-Trolling Movement/ LL Cool T/ An Axl Rose alarm clock/ “You’d just be a happy dream.”/ Tommy invites Randy to play kickball/ Slide tackles straight to hell/ Tommy’s kickball set-up/ The Summer of Kickball/ The Babe Ruth of Kick/ Getting critiqued about a previous date/ Randall Do-Wrong/ Tommy’s turning black and white/ Nary Cared/ “I’m very thinking a lot lately”/ Pretty Flustered/ Choose your joke/ The confidence of a fat man on a lawnmower/ Dress like a farmer/ Randy dresses like a 4 year old/ Fidget Spinner Hypnosis/ Getting tattoos and ride motorcycles/ Tommy’s au naturale/ Stupid tattoos/ What happened with Plan B?/ One Star/ Podcast War/ Hankering/ An Olive Branch/ Grun

Special Guests, TRB formerly of The Retail Rant and Heather D Flint Water/ If Bozo was president/ An old toad of a man/ Heat Stroke - the new 5 hour energy drink/ Tommy in a hot tub/ “Not The Mama”/ A Parking Lot bar/ The Ghost of Tommy’s Future/ Wave runners/ Hot N’ Heavy/ TRB makes an announcement about the future of “THE RETAIL RANT”/ Ranty breaks down THE RIBS/ Completely “Miser”/ The Pinwheel Wizard/ Getting a suit at the Men’s Warehouse/ “I Guarantee It”/ Randy’s “Plus One” for Tommy’s wedding/ An Exceptional David/ Confusing Tommy/ Tommy’s wedding band/ Man releases bed bugs into an office/ Fistfuls of bugs in my pockets/ TRB has been banned/ What happened with THE ONE?/ Rent-A-Friend/ The Return of Woof McGillicuty?/ Tap the Tommy for some alcohol/ Imagine a dead Tommy/ The Grim Reaper is your worst fear/ Shark Reaper/ Crumpled up piece of kleenex/ My fun chair/ The Ranty Gentleman/ THE PODCAST WAR/ A Neck Pocket/ Introducing Plan B/ Seeing Funnel Cloud Charles in real life/ A Blonde Phase/ What Gives

Summer Lovin…Tell Me More/ Buck Fever/ Receive Thy Gift/ Miami Wrinkles/ Netflix and Chili/ Pepper and Love/ We start a new online dating site: Gettin’ Randy/ Online dating mating/ Let Me Rip Off Miserable Retail Slave/ TalentlessScum DOT net/ Why would you sad me out?/Peking Chicken/ Have you ever died before?/ All the times Tommy has died/ Tommy’s terrible story/ Kegstand Memories/ Blue Ribbon Kegstander/ Homely Boyz of Mid-Michigan calendar/ Giving up that pop/ Those scuzzy Mt Dew thoughts/ A Mt Dew Bad Boy/ The Miserable Hotline/ Forgetful Tommy/ Tommy is a burrowing ground mole/ Andrea needs to make more friends/ “Have you seen this boy? Would you like to?”/ Cool or drool?/ The word “hot” bothers Tommy/ The Inspiration of Smoking Hot/ The clock is ticking down to Tommy’s wedding/ Cocktail hour/ No more second chances/ Lurking back to the online dating/ Speed dating?/ Charles in the funnel cloud/ The two week test/ For the love of Pete/ Trump Toilet Paper/ Missed Connections/ Donut Socks!/ Let’s Get Drunk

Happy/ Seeing a rollerblader in the wild/ Tommy’s an active rollerblader/ The King of the Rink/ Tommy lives to blade and skate/ That Great Rollerblading Epic/ The Black Hole/ Thank you for repeating my point, Cliff Notes/ These teens in their cars/ Left hand turns and teenage boys/ Grand POS/ Vengeance Tour 2017/ Romper/ Stinky Tommy/ The summer friend/ The King of the Neighborhood/ Tommy’s adventures in Indy/ Joey Alabama/ Randy’s childhood/ renting Nintendo/ La Bamba Boy/ Tommy the lumberjack is at it again/ Tommy’s sitcom life/ Awww, Kev/ Giving up pop & sugar/ Diabeetus, The Diabetes That Walks Like a Man/ One-Foot/ Get Ripped by 36/ Sugar Nightmares/ Meditating Tommy floated off/ Light as a feather, stiff as a board/ The aftermath of last week’s episode/ Tommy the hunchback/ Tommy didn’t want his back broken like Batman/ Tom Coe gives a purple nurple/ Shoot your shot/ Baby, please/ Chemistry/ Randy the clinger/ What gets me going? Who can even tell?/ Wake up from your dream/ What I think of Smoking H

Another BK drive thru disaster/ The Date/ The Tractor/ Podcast War/ The Big Adventures of Little Randy/ F-ing A

Hang on every word like a Cliffhanger/ Study Cliffhanger/ Dolph Lundgren’s Triple Threat/ Fan fiction/ Randy’s 7 year old shirt/ James Dean’s Headstone/ These d-bags are multiplying/ The Cliff Burton of one of his Tommy’s jokes/ Hobo erotica/ Tommy’s description of a shirt/ Salt and pepper/ All the Kevins of America rejoice/ Malcolm and the motorcycle/ Whattaya got under that hood?/ All the engines of the universe/ The Ultimate Dad Joke/ Douchebag values never change/ Affliction shirts/ Chili recipes/ typing in the cheat code to a handshake/ Summer/ The Facebook group is the life of the party/ Normal jobs/ Being a Superman Super Hero Guy/ Try to punch the sun/ Tin Foil/ Soy Milk/ The Diary of Daria/ Andrea and David the Producer leave messages/ Girls/ Tommy gets called up to the big leagues/ Big fan of The Mitten/ Tommy gets pulled over in Indy/ COYLY/ Dexter from LETS GET DRUNK AND TALK COMICS joins the show/ Dexter gets attacked by people on Twitter/ Captain America is a Hydra agent/ A date!/ Posers/ How do