Miserable Retail Slave

The weather and the “cold shoulders”/ Mansplain (3:05)/ Tommy went to a daddy - daughter dance (3:35)/ Tomish/ Episode 200 and the 6 year old anniversary (6:00)/ The Unwritable Rant (Juliette Miranda and David the Producer) comes to Miserable Retail Slave! (10:00)/ Nicholas Paste (13:00)/ Juliette Miranda’s writing adventures (13:45)/ Getting paid for something you love doing (15:48)/ Winger (16:00)/ David the Producer’s bass playing (17:00)/ Meeting Blackie Lawless (18:30)/ Best or worst band name that David was a member of/ Tommy’s first paying gig was with Penis Philbin (22:35)/ “I’m a little Hemingway over here (25:00)/ Juliette Miranda and David the Producer ask us questions (25:30)/ Juliette loves Tusk (26:19)/ Best episodes, how podcasts go wrong, and telling personal stories (30:00)/ Juliette’s favorite episode of The Unwritable Rant (32:18)/ Online dating nonsense (33:00)/ How Juliette and David met (34:00)/ Phrendly - just pure flirting (35:15)/ What Juliette and David like about Miserable Retail Sl

Believing in honesty/ social media stunts/ social media celebrities/ is success in the social media age being on “Ellen”?/ Clickbait Faces/ Advice for people who want to be on GMA/ “this is weird...this is weird...”/ Tommy was shocked and flabbergasted because he remembered an old email address/ “More me, less you”/ a fatal disease called breathing/ Tommy is emo now/ a 3/4 life crisis/ Make time/ Talking I’m subliminal song lyrics/ Spring has sprung/ Tommy went to the bar instead of the gym/ if Bob Ross was painting you, he’d say “here’s a happy little drunk”/ “Wingmen of West Michigan” podcast/ the return of The Convenience Nurse/ hating people when they walk/ Tommy scolds a bum/ an awkward game of social chicken/ Quality Question/ does your tattoo artist own your copyright to your body?/ Thunderdome: man in plastic bag disguise robs GameStop/ Man survives bear and shark attacks/ Batman vs the shark/ Batman ‘66/ shark kick/ missed Connections/ Trail Hearts/ late night bike trail wanderings/ Pop Rocks/ who ca

Blindly, Stupidly Happy/ This mystical thing called ‘free time’/ Day dreams, Jack White, and Freedom from Cell phones Sunday Truthers (3:51) / Comedy is being like a street rat (5:21)/ A case of the Mondays (6:23)/ “I’m painting a toilet picture, Bob Ross” (8:35)/ Search for The Offender (15:45)/ Tommy and Randy went to the bar and ornery Tommy (18:34)/ The Wide Eyed Waitress (20:10)/ The Biker Gang at the other bar (21:18)/ Welcome to Thunderdome: woman blames the cocaine in her purse on the wind (22:15)/ Men use spaghetti sauce to try to burn down a house (25:49)/ Format change - getting to the bottom of creativity (30:09)/ Charles Bukowski - what makes him tick? (32:29)/ Tommy and The Beloved went to dinner and had an encounter (34:20)/ Livestream for the Cure 2.0 promo (37:00)/ “The laureate of American Lowlife” Charles Bukowski (42:00)/ Poets (50:25)/ Bukowski’s works (52:55)/ “I found little meaning in life…” Finding hard and crazy women (55:00)/ Bukowski - fueled by alcohol (56:36)/ The Big Takeaway -

Thinking about death/ Tommy uses his degree like Captain America’s shield/ how you lose an argument/ No Footnotes Needed/ Putting your mind into a robot body/ would you upgrade your body? Personality?/ Premonitions Only/ The brand of Tommy/ Alcohol plug ins/ the problem with robot bodies/ the one time Tommy got in a fight/ Street Tough Tommy and his fisticuff ways/ Dokken IV/ ETDs (electronically transmitted diseases)/ your consciousness uploaded to the Internet and becoming spam/ Rainy Days/ Not mom approved/ Randy’s new punk rock song/ Narc Fist/ NSFW/ take an acronym class/ Eye Doctor facts/ He was in THE CONE ZONE/ What level is Tommy/ the best way to mark the passage of time: the number of sighs your eye doctor gives/ Ruining the life of The Culligan Man/ the mystical growth hormone of life/ needing a day job to be creative/ Randy’s Career Fair/ Becoming a DJ/EDM star/ Tommy’s magic eye face/ Teach me how to be lit, Dr Strange/ We need weird music/ Brit and JT and me/ EDM artists look like super villains

Gum smacking/ Constable Thompson/ The Gum Factor revisited/ Pessimistic Jam/ bizarro gum factor/ the man with loudest gum chew/ “cool leather jacket”/ Tommy lectures Randy over physical stores/ loud food noises/ Advice for The Gum Man/ the continuing tale of Nathan, the best has attendant in the world/ an eye gone AWOL/ fixing lazy eyes/ butterfinger beebee eyes/ The Shimpsons/ passive aggressive playground flirtation/ you have a good day now/ People hate lines/ St Patty’s Day/ becoming an honorary Irish/ a pickled and fermented soul/ another addition to the glossary of neck tattoos/ Grateful Dead Superman/ the dirt brothers/ Quality Question: Hey there, Delilah/ adult contemporary radio stations/ Robotic froyo workers/ transmissions from the future/ a human ant/ give me the fattest fat/ Movie Pitch Game: Bill Murray eats a pepper that’s so hot that he can hear the future/ you like a Bill Murray?/ Generation Share/ screaming over The Beatles/ Tommy headlined The Blind Squirrel   Visit the Patreon page at Patr

This episode, we review the 1st episode of British sci-fi show, Black Mirror. Find out what we thought of the interesting concept of the first episode.

The (Almost) (Week) Daily MRS Presenting shorter bits of new Miserable Retail Slave content almost every week day! Daily dose of vitamins/ Modern Drunkard book/ 10th drunkest state/ Flint Town/ That time Hulk Hogan slammed Andre the Giant/ Andre the Giant’s legendary drinking habit/ that time Andre sold his championship/ Virgil/ The Mount Everest of Inebriation/ Hulk Hogan, the beer b-/ the most you’ve drank/ the short, stubby Andre the Giant/ Irish car bombs/ Tommy’s touchdown glory days/ The hopeless ones

Oblivious people bumbling through life/ Another entry for the glossary of neck tattoos/ Godsmack and voodoo/ People Watcher - the next great social media idea/ capturing a fool/ Tranq ‘em and Tag ‘em/ Lifted trucks/ “We’re not dealing with that guy...that’s Brad!”/ People and their “specialty” dinners/Suffering movie trauma/ using an acorn to whistle/ being at the age where the next time you see a person might be the last/ locker partners/ Taking a nasty spill on the ice/ getting hit by one of the Smash Brothers/ what happens when your smart phone gets dementia?/ Alexa laughs at you/ “Apes vs Robots, it’s coming”/ Big Man Alexa/ the ever-shifting cool cycle/ young rappers/ Comics Sans, the literary rapper/ The Great Beard Awakening/ The Movie Pitch game/ Arachno-homophobia/ Harrison Ford, the street magician/ The GIF, Ted/ Pure emoji-nation/ the world’s most dangerous sound/ Hip hop implosion/ Tommy is visiting Shawshank/ Hulk Tears/ Headlining The Blind Squirrel/ the motion lights turning off in the bathroom

Beef and Podwar with Nick from Epic Film Guys/ Double standards/ Makeup for men/ crushing on Brad Pitt/ Taking that rejection punishment/ Clownshoes, The god of Salty Tears and Butthurt/ Skull Polish/ using time travel the right way: to grocery shop/ the nasty twist to time travel/ “I am the Grand Cheese of the World”/ Tommy’s someone husband/ an Umbrella Baby/ I’m glad the Internet exists to call people out/ Tommy is reading The War of Art/ Tommy writes from the stage/ When the Internet first came out/ Napster/ a teenage rebel ballad/ Tommy Obey!/ more online dating talk/ Remembering Hot or Not/ Tommy the 6.5/ a midlife crisis on Hot or Not/ Sharkangels/ an online dating message/ “Hello. My name is Marlena and my entire identity is Harry Potter.”/ being defined by your career/ straight talk vs real talk/ Tommy’s Wranglers/ a game of gender chicken/ bend your bills, no flats/ Quality Question: what are women’s white tank tops called?/ hey, Tomb Raider. Hey./ Tacos vs Pizza/ Nintendo issues a statement saying

Sticker beer/ 4 color vulgar words/ flag/ don’t trust the man that doesn’t swear/ the first time Randy and Tommy hung out/ winners and losers/ living out the lyrics of a song/ the shock of hearing swearing in public/ white trash camouflage/ the missing link/ crashing a library book club/ a library flasher/ you can’t go home again/ Tommy was french kissed by Satan/ Tommy gives up/ A tar pit of happiness/ Creating a soundtrack to your life/ Become Ear Bud Man/ The Important Philosophies of Sammy Hagar/ reacting to the trailer for “Flint Town” on Netflix/ Bum, Thugs, and Harmony/ “Like some kind of alien”/ The Sadness of Daryl Van Halen/ National Pancake Day/ “What’s a Boy gotta do to get some hash browns up in this mug?”/ Tommy hates pancakes, not an egg fan/ Super diet mode: Tommy’s foods/ The Taste Buds #1: pancakes and syrup Peeps/ serving size: 4 chicks/ updates on HGW/ Tommy’s show in Chicago/ Happy Baby/ The Uber Man/ Road comic problems/ New arch enemy, El Silencio has a missed connection/ a mortar-cycle

Topical, Political content/ the best place to debate social issues/ the last time Tommy was at the gun range/ Hawk weapons/ “If I’m in a stressful situation…like If I know it’s happening…then I’m really good at it. But if I, if I have to, uh, but if it’s not happening in the moment and I can’t, I can’t figure out, y’know. It just, it just depends. In the moment, I’m good.”/ Dealing with the stress of life/ Resting Hawk Face/ Name your hawk/ A reference to the movie Over the Top/ upgrading your hawk/ the Walmart ensemble/ Tommy wants a Foghorn Leghorn tattoo/ Ka-Powie on your kneecap/ Kelly Ka-Powie/ The flooding Flint River/ Those people that float in kayaks down flooded streets/ Tide pods/ Tommy’s world/ soul tattoos…tattooing your soul/ “You don’t need the ‘full’ there”/ “That’s what they teach you in comedy writing”/ The Great Comedy Book/ Friendly Dads/ Dad questions/ Tommy thinks honesty is stupid/ The effort it takes to word at a person/ Quality Question/ Saying “fans” is gross/ Meme talk/ It’s hard to

Frank and vulnerable/ Extinct Franks/ being particular about public restrooms/ Bathroom peekers/ Meat cutter apprentices/ The Bug Zapper…People just flocked to him/ Offended by Pattis and ok with Franks/ The Red Hat Society/ That one time the Red Hats showed up to Tommy’s show as clowns/ Using the handicap stall/ The Tommy Detector/ The opinions of old women/ Fat Tuesday/ Not Live - the Undead Podcast/ Tommy’s lingering ankle issues/ Tommy’s incredible, spontaneously breaking bones/ Calling your wife, “ma”/ those couples that start to look like each other/ Gender swapping on Facebook/ Hitting The White Trash Double Feature/ Tommy’s starless Chucks/ Walmart hairdressers/ The Beloved and Tommy have casino adventures/ When you speak to the manager and she has the same haircut/ Those training stages in Street Fighter II/ Jake “The Quitter” Savage/ Explaining Dort Highway in Flint, Michigan/ Tatted to all extremes/ Break room tattoos/ the Cult of Kitty/ Princess and Queen on the collarbone/ An Arby’s kitchen roman

This weird world/ Uber is a weird thing/ An Uber co-pilot/ Randy wakes up seething/ A quaking/ Old Spice and Apathy/ The Panty Man/ a sweet little pervert package/ counting his panties/ The first live show/ “How check that”/ How long until girls start getting plastic surgery to look like their favorite Snapchat filters?/ Who Wants to Be a Snapchat? - the game show/ a Hello Kitty neck tattoo/ A masters in the selfie/ Have some selfie steem/ You can’t send a double message/ It’s like trying to reheat fries/ All the inside jokes/ Getting the ribs for a very long time/ World’s Biggest Scrublord/ Flashback to college/ The College Tale of Thin Lizzy/ The Disaster of the Live Show/ Tommy’s injured ankle/ “Come meet my stepfather backhand, it’s about time”/ Andrea/ “You’re not Howard Stern, buddy.”/ Horny goat weed/ A call in from TRB from “Welcome to Rantyville”/ Tommy is a sofa/ Epic Fail Guys/ David the Producer from The Unwritable Rant calls in/ Tommy’s got a show coming up in Chicago/ David’s baritone voice and

Band in turmoil/ “No Responsibility” Thompson/ Being in a band/ Alcoholic telepathic abilities/ The trials and tribulations of the acoustic guitar/ Dark Reflections/ Becoming the awkward guitar guy at the party/ There’s something about a beer and a cigarette/ What if Bono actually saved the world?/ Tommy’s really mad at u2 again/ The ultimate love song/ Ed Sheeran/ a more violent Three Stooges/ Stan Lee…the pervert of the week/ “He shouldn’t say that out loud”/ drunk as funk/ the irony of Tommy’s love for “Roseanne”/ Dan Connor = based dad ever/ The weirdest lunch break/ The bloody hand/ “Carpenter jeans are my rebel flag, bro…My carpenter jeans are the new punk rock”/ These teens and their obsession with slime/ Answering a question from “Just the Worst” podcast/ Nuclear proliferation in Korea/ #MiserableRetailSunday/ the one man street time for “Sorry in Advance”/ Drowning in his feels/ taco makeup/ Tommy’s favorite author/ The Goosebumps Game/ The haunted mirror/ the fright shakes/ Can’t handle that stress/

A good sarcasm/ Synesthesia for sarcasm/ The taste of sarcasm/ Tommy’s cold pizza score/ Tommy loves The Bachelor/ The foremost expert on The Bachelor/ Punctual Tommy’s Early Bird Problems/ A Fat Dad Ensemble takes shape/ Vinyl/ The Weather/ Christmas Town, USA/ Life as a Hellraiser Puzzlebox/ Your rap name is “Lil” + the first thing you bought in 2018/ The Big Something/ The chunky d-bag of comedy/ The Reverse Bucket List/ Scuba diving/ Beware of the shrimp poop vein/ Swimming/ Would you ever jetpack like The Rocketeer?/ Lack of coordination/ Missed Connections/ Pandas in captivity/ COULD THE TERMINATOR EAT PIZZA?/ Tommy watches Black Mirror/ the Tonight app/ Is it served with a doofus?/ The girl with the go go gadget arms/ Tommy sounds like a woman on the phone/ New releases on Netflix/ Batman/ Tommy likes The Punisher/ Three Cream, No Sugar/ Be a man like Jon Bernthal/ Break my nose/ Caddyshack/ Sharknado/ Pretentious Jerry/ What are you kids even reading?/ comedians and groupies/ Fodcasts Visit the Patreo

With special guests, Nick from “Epic Film Guys” and Tom from “Jake and Tom Conquer The World” Tommy Impressions/ This Walmart/ Public restroom follies/ Corpse dung/ a urinal opportunist/ Tommy is out sick/ Twitter’s favorite son/ Randy has a beef with Tom Coe/ The Cupid Shuffle/ Strong names/ Smitty/ Tommy’s in Indianapolis/ “God Hates Jake and Tom”/ the timeline of Tommy’s sickness/ Fire throat/ Nick, the Feelings Stalin/ The Lone Star in this Bleak World/ Tommy’s weird hair/ Facebook stalking and unlocking the secrets of the universe/ When Alan Moore Attacks/ A transcontinental curse/ “Someone spat on my bike today”/ A new tagline for Facebook/ LIT/ Tom Coe got maced/ The Room/ Summoning the spirit of Neil Gaiman/ Randy doesn’t like The Sandman/ Asking an Epic Film Guy if Die Hard is a Christmas movie/ the Century Club/ Watching the Star Wars Holiday Special for the first time/ Summarizing Star Wars/ Reindeer boob/ The RestauRANT podcast/ Gluttony Shirts/ Solutions to becoming a morning person/ the story of

The boss/ A Salvation Army bell ringing incident/ The Salvation Sweeties/ An opportunist/ The worst bathroom ever/ ‘open sesame’/ the perfect Mentos opportunity/ Tommy wants to believe in a flat Earth/ Fat dads/ Shout out to the Christmas parties/ Tommy’s awkward work Christmas party/ Korn ruined Christmas songs/ Losing your two front teeth/ Tommy’s a pretty good hockey player/ The Knuckle puck and Mighty Duck facts/ Know your Creek/ Writing a Christmas song/ Tom Coe Tuesday/ a retail paparazzi/ Portraits of Pain: The Tears of Retail/ Honeymooning/ The Great Tom Gatsby and the Mystery of the Haunted Hotel/ The Lady in Blue/ Tommy’s possessed house/ Ghost Sex/ a Jesus finger waggle/ Tommy’s growing a wizard beard/ Drinking eggnog for the first time/ “How would that be with alcohol?”/ Keaton the bullied kid and his video/ Bleakworld/ Quit watching The Walking Dead and Walking Dead spoilers/ Being all depressed/ Helping Grant, the Rage Boy/ Online dating: The Return/ Meeting a Pro Beer Pong player/ The World Ser

This time, Randy and Tommy get real nostalgic as they talk about childhood movies that impacted them. The list includes Batman (1989), Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, The Wizard, The Monster Squad and more. The guys also talk about how the holiday season can be the most horrible time of year for retail workers everywhere. Brothers in Retail, we're all in this together. Randy and Tommy also get political as they discuss net neutrality. Plus, hear the story behind Tommy's vampire heart tattoo, how Tommy's marriage is going, and ask the important question: how does Mario's raccoon tail make him fly?   Look to the classics/ Bowie and The Little Drummer Boy/ The most horrible time of year for our Brothers in Retail!/ Showing the name of the show/ Those work problems/ You gotta throw a big fuss/ The dark meat/ Republicans love the white turkey meat/ The world’s pickiest fat kid/ Holiday season is like Supermarket Sweep/ The hate of confrontation/ Things Tommy is terrible at/ Those Salvation Army soldiers/ Tommy thinks da

This week, Randy witnesses an epic attempt at a public apology from a man who did a woman wrong. Hear all about this panicked Romeo’s plywood apology and whether or not it could possibly work. Do ever have someone repeat the same annoying question to you every single day? That’s the problem that has been plaguing Randy lately. There are perverts in Hollywood. Have you heard about this? The guys share their thoughts on Louis CK, Harvey Weinstein, and the other assorted Pervs of the Week. Tommy’s big day came and went. It’s been talked about for months, but it’s time to finally hear about how Tommy’s wedding went down. You will believe a man can spontaneously combust. What do you know about The Punisher? To honor The Punisher series on Netflix, a game is played on the show: Punisher villain, indie rapper, or urban legend. That’s the theme of the show this week: urban legends. The guys talk about urban legends from their small towns as well as state specific legends. They also talk about creepypastas like Slend

Real life vampire scares/ March for vampire rights/ those magical phones/ That time Randy saw a flying vampire man as a kid/ Halloween episode/ love of candy corn/ Tommy gets excited for Milk Duds/ Such a sexy neanderthal/ chasing those fears/ childhood fears/ Remembering being born/ Do you believe in the afterlife/ The most snarky grasshopper/ reincarnation/ Matt-Aid/ Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark/ Garden Toes/ girls and chokers/ A Nightmare on Elm Street and the origins of Freddy Krueger/ Freddy vs Jason/ The worst Halloween costumes/ wearing a coat over your costume/ Tweety/ Embarking a whole nerd journey of excellence/ getting the costume ribs/ The worst 5th grade costume ever/ Dough boys/ Listeners admit their worst Halloween costumes/ Wearing black every day/ Plastic GI Joe Apocalypse Now/ Our Top 5 favorite horror movies/ 1950s “The Fly”/ The Conjuring/ “they deal with devil or grrrr”/ What made ‘80s horror movies the best/ Near Dark/ Sharp Teeth Christopher Walken Visit the Patreon page at Patreon