Miserable Retail Slave

This time, we welcome one of our very first listeners ever to the show. The man, the myth, the legend: special guest, Armchair Producer Doug Goodwin!   Can you ride a bike?/ an outlier for a lot of things (1:20)/ an untold story of the bike (3:20)/ The Tomato Throw (6:50)/ “Playboy” Tommy Thompson (13:00)/ Armchair Producer Doug Goodwin (13:46)/ getting listeners is like trying to dig out of Shawshank (19:41)/ how did Doug meet his wife (22:06)/ Doug’s old school online dating adventures (29:10)/ Stalker technology (30:46)/ Tommy’s afraid of 2,000 people (35:00)/ The return of Funnel Cloud Charles (43:34)/ What’s the worst podcast you’ve ever listened to? (47:22)/ Doug produces the show (50:06)/ “Kickstart My Heart” makes you drive fast (53:30)/ Trump’s Hamberders (56:27)/ the worst online date that Doug ever had (59:42)/ Chicken in waffles in Atlanta (1:05:00)/ the Dukes of Hazzard and censoring the General Lee (1:07:00)/ Millenials hate Seinfeld (1:11:30)/ Fyre festival and Instagram (1:13:00)/ Catfish of A

Other people’s pets/ Tommy is a dog and Randy is a cat (1:00)/ Zeppelin, the lost cat (1:44)/ Pet antivaxxers (2:20)/ Plenty of Fish name change (4:35)/ Damien and Jake the Snake Facts (6:00)/ Head over heels and fear of flips (7:00)/ The Spit Curse (9:50)/ 2019 new you (16:23)/ Batman and Robin and being a George Clooney Batman (18:00)/ The Sweatpants Mentality (20:00)/ Cheers and We need a throwback ‘80s theme song (21:00)/ The Gas Station Troubadour at the McGasStation (24:50)/ The guitar guy at the party (26:56)/ The most amazing musical moment ever (28:00)/ A senior citizen West Side Story (28:40)/ people can’t drive in a straight line any more (31:58)/ The Doorbell Licker who licked a doorbell for 3 hours (32:30)/ The Retail Moment (36:20)/ Tommy’s adventures in Victoria’s Secret (36:47)/ Ants on a log (41:00)/ a personal missed connection witnessed in Chicago (43:00)/ Missed Connections: of cupcakes and Goochland (46:00)/ Alexa, make love to me (53:36)/ Livestream for the Cure 3.Oh My God We’re Gonna R

Animals are getting sassier/ Tommy talks about the deep sea (3:00)/ a wall of geese (5:00)/ Tommy finally agrees that he has polka dot eyes (8:00)/ Possum talk (9:35)/ Possum the Peanuts (11:02)/ Confidence (12:47)/ Christmas (21:00)/ watching a Salvation Army bell ringer slowly lose his mind (24:15)/Springsteen on Broadway (26:22)/ Every man should be a Bruce Springsteen (28:13)/ no hope for an online dater (35:02)/ online dating ads/ #swipelife/ “I’ll be some girl’s cuddledud” (36:00)/ MRS speed dating? (38:00)/ there are no single people in public (40:34)/ Miserable Retail Slave presents the pros and cons of dating (45:07)/ Online dating nonsense (51:32)   Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 "LIKE" us on the Facebook, would ya? Even better, come join our closed Facebook crew and enjoy the insanity. Just search “Miserable Retail Slave” on the Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/groups/832006570279942/ Lea

The Shuffling Pajama Idiots/ The promise of the text message (1:30)/ these horrible texts (2:00)/ why are there spelling errors in texts (3:00) / people need a good ducking (3:20)/ an app to compose texts for you (4:00)/ “I don’t fear the robot apocalypse because my iPhone battery won’t last more than 10 hours” (6:30)/ you better bag yourself a Wanda (9:03)/ outtie bellybuttons (14:00)/ “I’ve got problems for days and miles to drive, tell no lies and talk no jive” (16:00)/ Alcohol - the smartest thing a dummy can do and the human Molotov cocktail (17:00)/ The important problems of high school athletes (19:04)/ a raw nerve and a classic ep of MRS (20:00)/ peaks and valleys (21:00)/ a Yukon Cornelius Guy (22:00)/ The Bizarro Matchmaker (27:33)/ a special passenger on the struggle bus (32:00)/ Live Randy unplugged - acoustic performance of his thoughts (36:15)/ The Playlist of Tears (37:00)/ trading Tony Gwens for Kirby Pucketts (43:20)/ crashing the stage of The Machine Shop (45:00)/ Far Behind (47:52)/ Randy i

Mr Worldly is about to speak: it’s better to be weird (2:02)/ normal people at comedy shows (5:20)/ Talking to the typical Michigan Male (5:55)/ the beautiful thing about idiots is they’re sincere about everything (9:46)/ Tommy is the Bob Ross of Comedy - Happy little Jokes 16:18)/ Snow plow season (17:32)/ who will rule the driveways: Fred or Frank? (19:30)/ Talking Taft (21:37)/ Sean Connery on Rosie O’ Donnell (23:05)/ Taft gets stuck in a bathtub and loves bathtubs (25:55)/ The Future is Sweet Caroline (29:35)/ The Guts Game (33:35)/ Missed Connections (37:39)/ a love letter to nobody (37:45)/ senor butthurt (44:00)   Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 "LIKE" us on the Facebook, would ya? Even better, come join our closed Facebook crew and enjoy the insanity. Just search “Miserable Retail Slave” on the Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/groups/832006570279942/ Leave us a 5-star, positive iTunes review

Surly Temple and the stunning optimist/ Tommy Horse Noise (1:15)/ children are our future (1:45)/ do believe in luck (4:25)/ The universe is a merry prankster (5:45)/ The story of an Abe Lincoln impersonator (6:30)/ Fabio vs the Seagulls (8:10)/ The six fingers of Abe (13:29)/ Give me a solid Taft (15:20)/ John Tyler talk (16:23)/ The lessons of Gabe Lincoln (18:24)/ Thanksgiving Special (22:23)/ Yams (23:30)/ White meat vs Dark meat (26:16)/ why do we talk to babies (30:00)/ Haley Joel Osment (33:37)/ Tommy and Randy Big Night Out part 2 and Bar Band culture (34:49)/  the worst year to be alive was 536 (47:09)/  Thunderdome: the weirdest stories of the month from Florida (51:30) Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 "LIKE" us on the Facebook, would ya? Even better, come join our closed Facebook crew and enjoy the insanity. Just search “Miserable Retail Slave” on the Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/groups

Macho Kool Aid Man/ how did cavemen function without energy drinks? (1:30)/ leave tastes alone BUT IT’S NOT ENOUGH FOR ME (3:20)/ where have we been? (10:00)/ holidays (10:30)/ ominous plans for the future (12:45)/ Tommy Conscious (13:20)/ Randy’s very 1st baby picture (14:45)/ Tommy and Randy’s Big Night Out (17:25)/ Dance Party (19:15)/ Tommy becomes a band groupie (21:40)/ The drunkest woman (23:00)/ Matt the major dudebro (27:00)/ Electric Ladies (28:10)/ The key to getting all the ladies (29:35)/ The Last Saint in America (35:00)/ All Randy’s Eve (38:10)/ Man starts legal battle to change his name. Young god (39:00)/ 32 is the age tipping point (40:45)/ are there 69 year olds on Tinder (44:00)/ missed Connections (46:00)/ online dating nonsense (54:00)/ Tommy’s been married a year! (1:01:00)   Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 "LIKE" us on the Facebook, would ya? Even better, come join our closed Fa

  Randy’s Career Fair: GIF farmer/ Communication is hard these days (2:00)/ The Great GIF Crisis (2:50)/ The Office (6:34)/ Do you even know what makes a magical GIF work? (8:16)/ Tommy has thoughts about a Marc Maron meme (12:53)/ No adults know how to actually adult (15:00)/ Stephen Colbert’s thoughts on comedy (16:20)/ Stealing someone’s birthday thunder (17:30)/ Stealing moments between gas stations (19:36)/ you can tell how old a man is by how curved his hat’s bill is (20:00)/ A gas station tale (21:30)/ hitchhikers and taking candy from old men (24:00)/ Stop with your Facebook comments (26:38)/ A rant on Internet opinions (27:00)/ Elon Musk on Joe Rogan (36:00)/ Halloween is the best (37:00)/ Top 5 Favorite Candy (39:00)/ We need to change these job interviews (42:16)/ Role playing a job interview (43:00)/ the return of Yahoo Answers: what’s the most interesting thing to happen at work(53:25)

We become a true crime podcast/ A dog playing frisbee (2:30)/ Tommy forgets his tattoos/ The man with the adult coloring book arms (4:00)/ Greta Van Fleet And Frankenmuth, Michigan/ “In the name of Fido, I commit vengeance upon her person...”/  The Spider Behind You (11:50)/ EB White (12:30)/ A weird week: walking on a flaming carrot (13:55)/ being rich is a waste to a slob (16:36)/ Eminem vs Machine Gun Kelly and Rap Devil talk (18:00)/ older Eminem albums (19:00)/ Poetry Battles: ee cummings diss (22:28)/ That Drake (23:00)/ Post Malone and Aerosmith on MTV VMAs (24:00)/ more legendary song: “In My Feelings” by Drake vs “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran (28:05)/ Love to Atlantic Star and “Always” (30:24)/ GQ Fall Fashion magazine (31:48)/ Rock Star pinups (32:30)/ Thunderdome: couple installs drive thru window in their trailer to sell drugs (35:28)/ Tommy was on classic rock radio and classic rock radio is weird (45:08)/ Radio Dann with two Ns (47:30)/ the moment Tom became Tommy (49:30)/ YouTube, the Views podcast,

Getting up in the morning is a waste of time (3:30)/ Randy is a catch-22 (4:00)/ Voodoo Priest John Madden and his curse (5:00)/ Sunday Scaries and Summer Scaries (6:52)/ exploring things (9:30)/ A crazy Detroit Adventure: of live nude girls, Optimus Prime, and beer (10:00)/ Pistachios, the Infinite Nut (15:00)/ Quality Question: why do people try to craft the perfect joke when it’ll never beat a well-times fart? (19:10)/ The Farting Comedian (19:52)/ Hooters is shutting down after recent study says millennials hate boobs (22:08)/ The first wave of grandpas or grandmas named Jayden is coming (25:05)/ Running into a forgotten sweathog (26:02)/ Miserable Retail Slave History: from S04E27. “Kevin Needs Cole Slaw”/ Be our e-bae (41:00)/ search engine humor (42:00)/ a real life Bermuda Triangle encounter (43:12)/ Iceberg cause all the problems (45:37)/ National Geographic Ignorance Podcast (48:00)/ Man buys 300 “sorry” banners (49:48)/ Hot CW babes (52:30)/ We pitch a CW show featuring a sexy Edgar Allan Poe calle

Hey. How was your summer? We're back.   The wedding guest/ going to a wedding with someone you’ve never met or talked to/ an online dating open invitation (2:03)/ slaying it like Bugs Bunny at his finest (3:03)/ the age when “maybe” became a “no” (5:58)/ Meatloaf philosophy (7:34)/ poetry in motion (8:54)/ the judgmental round (10:10)/ Tommy likes drawing seahorses as kids (10:47)/ is the Bermuda Triangle ok now? (12:46)/ Mr Everything (17:42)/ perpetually frustrated (20:14)/ overreaction theater: the case of being cropdusted by a Twizzler-eating old woman (23:10)/ Miserable Retail Slave history from S04E19: The Convenience Nurse, Honey Quotas, and Diner Terms of Endearment (35:11)/ Dboy is a former child Jeopardy champion (42:11)/ Tommy likes Justin from Epic Film Guys (45:00)/ THE MOOSE and the problem with pop-Country (47:00)/ Tommy defends pop-country (50:00)/ the Faster Horses country music fest (56:00)/ Blake Shelton (1:00:18)/ Missed Connections (1:02:00)/ hollerin for your jalapeños (1:05:00)/ the mos

Flying cars/ Nonstop Glee/ The Legend of Wacky Warren (1:57)/ Tide Pod challengers (2:30)/ Flirting with girls in a flying car (3:24)/ Cheesy or Corny: which is the worst food descriptor (3:45)/ Proper Bro-tocol (5:09)/ Tommy’s Beard and transformation into a skunk ape (6:05)/ Tommy’s impeccable brows (6:51)/ Bacon obsessions (10:19)/ an intervention for Tommy (10:42)/ A middle age choose your own adventure (13:00)/ Woodie Wagon cars (15:00)/ Elon Musk pledges to help with the Flint water crisis (17:00)/ Elon Musk’s Not a Flamethrower (19:36)/ women with bangs (20:25)/ an entrepreneur (22:34)/ searching for my eBae (22:40)/ “Don’t look at at my scabs” (23:50)/ Tommy’s into kayaking and the world will never be the same (25:13)/ endangered bumblebees and counting bees (29:13)/ Randy’s Career Fair: Becoming a hot dog guy (32:05)/ Up North, Michigan (39:00)/ the United Steaks of America (39:16)/ DJ Shouty Mouth and The Dumpster Fire (42:30)/ Steak debates (42:45)/ Revelations about Nathan - the best gas station a

Recorded on the road to Lansing, MI...   Post Malone, face tattoos, “Always Tired”, and adjectives on your face/ Skin Deep Thinkers (1:28)/ Inviting celebrities to your wedding (1:45)/ Riding on the roof of your car (6:16)/  Road trip stunt tales (8:43)/ mooning tales (9:41)/ online dating nonsense and Kayak (14:23)/ a text message sent (17:21)/ opening up a barely town convenience store (17:41)/ creating a dating app for customers to hit on retail employees (23:49)/ “Straight Up Randy (27:17)/ how do you talk to girls?/ millennial dating terms from Cosmo (29:56)/ Links (33:48)/ Tommy’s comedy show (35:23)/ He-Man Woman Hater’s Club and Kayak responds (36:10)/ The new phone excuse (37:34)/ people watching and watching a man completely bomb when trying to hit on a girl wearing a bathroom towel (40:00)/ Empty vessels on the phone (45:00)/ Hecklers vs comedians (48:00)/ Pascal the Dog (49:22) Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotlin

Tommy’s Maroon 5 haircut/ Mick Foley (:45)/ Too many “ladder falls to the face” (1:00)/ A ladder-cage Match aka Hell in the Cell (WWE King of the Ring 1998) (1:22)/ “He’s like Johnny Knoxville, if Johnny Knoxville was a complete and total anarchist, nihilist, and masochist (3:02)/ Randy’s first job (3:30)/ The Miserable WrestleTalk Podcast/ Late fees are stupid (4:40)/ Taking an IQ test to get a video store job (5:15)/ Redbox users are the most entitled people (6:30)/ “I would turtle like Claude Lemieux” (7:30)/ The Red Wings and Colorado Avalanche rivalry (7:44)/ Goalie fight/ The best hockey game (10:00)/ Resting b face (12:44-)/ The intimidation of an aggressive “huh?” (14:12)/ RWF - resting weird face (14:33)/ stop with the Dad bod (14:45)/ the slob bod (15:25)/ Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining (20:00)/ Tommy’s big day off (21:23)/ a tearfest (22:45) “you gotta go to dot com” (23:22)/ Tommy visits a Golden Corral (24:44)/ online dating nonsense (29:00)/ what happened with Just Ask? (29:34)/ on

We've been known to go on tangents during episodes of Miserable Retail Slave, so here they are. Smaller, bite-sized episodes of your favorite big, dumb comedy show: Tangents of the Damned. In this short, mini-episode, we talk about Deadpool, pick our favorite Ryan Reynolds movies, get nostalgic about skate parties, and cringe at the thought of the couples skate.   Heroes/ Tommy lies about never seeing a super hero movie/ Deadpool interrupts Stephen Colbert’s monologue on The Late Show (1:25)/ what fictional character is as inseparable from the actor that plays him than Ryan Reynolds and Deadpool (1:43)/ comedians as social commentators (2:14)/ favorite Ryan Reynolds movie (2:16)/ Explaining Deadpool (4:00)/ Miserable Retail Slave steps into “Let’s Get Drunk and Talk Comics” territory (5:00)/ Deadpool was cool because he was created in the ‘90s (6:19)/ skate parties at Skateland/ playing “A Nightmare on My Street” (7:10)/ running from the couples skate (7:42)/ never make eye contact with anyone in real life (8

It’s that time of year where people are graduating high school/ one more graduating class to remind you how old you’re getting (1:29)/ definition of “sexist” (2:29)/ Can we get published guidelines for all the PC words we should be saying? (3:29)/ a refreshingly honest graduation speech (4:25)/ school is weird (5:30)/ what percentage of kids go to college now? (6:14)/ Randy’s shattered dreams (7:03)/ still best friends with your high school best friend(8:31)/ skate or die! (12:00)/ “I guess round balls don’t tip over” (12:34)/ Skate parties (12:52)/ living in a big city (14:00)/ “I live in the city that never sleeps and I’m going to bed early”/ subscribing to The New Yorker (15:32)/ Fitness magazines at Walmart (16:57-18:23)/ let’s learn about art! (19:00)/ Tommy sketches former Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood (20:30)/ “My Secret is in the Shading”/ Tommy’s sketching YouTube show (22:30)/ Tony Danza is not The Fonz (23:40)/ The Fonz was Wooderson from Dazed and Confused (24:10)/ Side of Beef meat art (25:55)/ F

Tommy doesn’t know the difference between slur and slang/ The Pre-Date / The pre-date rulebook/ “no one’s ever been charming in the presence of a scone”/ 2018 - The Year of Scumbags and Forced Apologies/ The Internet - we’re in the business of boning/ That Active Shooter game/ Tommy’s living his best life/ if aliens came to Earth, how long until someone wanted to eat them?/ Octopi are aliens / The Giant Squid/ Hugs from Bigfoot/ Tommy’s Soapbox/Will we take a hike? and Weird Tommy/Quality Question : What if grass is conscious and the smell of freshly cut grass is the smell of souls leaving their bodies?/ Thunderdome- Tampa Man vandalizes cars that reminded of college bullies/ Man spends 4 hours in underwear on top on Wendy’s/ best fast food mascot ever/ Deep Don Knotts Sniff/ The Incredible Mr Limpet talk

We've been known to go on tangents during episodes of Miserable Retail Slave, so here they are. Smaller, bite-sized episodes of your favorite big, dumb comedy show: Tangents of the Damned. This time, we cover Facebook getting into the worlds of online dating and cryptocurrency. Plus, Weezer covering Toto's "Africa" and "Roseanna" and the significance of the song Africa to us.   Facebucks (of Facebook dating and cryptocurrency) - Can you imagine if Tommy could comprehend everything that went on around him? - Predicting the future - “Making your own adventure” Ice Cream - Tommy learns who Jean Luc Picard is. - (21:59 - 28:06) Cuomosexuals - Weezer covers Toto. - Africa - Roseanna - Why “Africa” is significant in the guys lives - Karaoke Club - Rivers Combover Visit the Patreon page at Patreon.com/MiserableRetailSlave and get access to exclusive content! Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 "LIKE" us on the Facebook, would ya? Even better, come join our closed Facebook crew and enjoy the insanity. Just s

Live from Livestream for the Cure 2.0 with Epic Film Guys and special guests, Jake and Tom from Jake and Tom Conquer the World   We were part of Livestream for the Cure 2.0 recently, a 30 hour live streaming event put on by the Epic Film Guys to raise money for cancer research. We had a blast kicking the event off. So thanks to everyone who donated, viewed, shared, liked, retweeted, or thought about doing any of those things. The event managed to raise an amazing $11,545.88 for cancer research!!! Here is our contribution to the event. Come listen to Miserable Retail Slave Live with Epic Film Guys and special appearances from the lads from Jake and Tom Conquer the World! A drive-by kissing/ Online dating nonsense/ dating a pregnant woman when it’s not your baby and all the social anxieties that come with that/ Refreshing online dating honesty/ Cat Poems/ Tommy insults/ No one lets Randy tell the AIM dating story/ Jake and Tom join the show from the Motor City Comic Con/ Random interviews from the comic con/ Ni

Vampire, werewolf, zombie bites/ Cub Thompson and new stage names (:45)/ a slacker vampire (1:00)/ comedic glory (3:27)/ Evil Genius on Netflix and collar bombs (4:14)/ aftermath of doing Livestream for the Cure 2.0 (8:54)/ The last time Tommy is with Dave Landau??? (13:50)/ Kokomo, Indiana (14:54)/ compound media (18:00)/ The girl who threw poop at the Tim Horton’s employee (19:11)/ stopping shoplifters in retail (21:00)/ Tommy’s shoplifting story (23:00)/ “you’re not the force” (25:07)/ The Untold AIM Story (will never be told)/ actually having fun podcasting (26:00)/ Tommy’s weird women (27:22)/ Sunday Afternoon Sorrows and The WingMen of West Michigan podcast (32:00)/ Tommy tries to breathe alcohol (33:46)/ childhood fear of basements (34:18)/ Contra (35:00)/ The Ghost in Three Men and a Baby (38:10)/ Tommy’s adventures UP NORTH Michigan (40:02)/ you cant make fun of anything (42:12)/ “lady, you’re not a pepperoni pizza. I would never touch you”/ Tommy’s doppelgänger (45:10)/ Canadian gimp (46:12)/ Body s