On The Brighter Side

We celebrate a double milestone as my son gets married on our 23rd wedding anniversary. This emotional weekend brings together two generations of love stories while I reflect on what makes a marriage work for over two decades.• Cooking for 125 wedding guests from a small Airbnb with crockpots scattered throughout every room• The importance of morning walks for communication and connection in marriage• Jewish wedding traditions including the chuppah and breaking glass to symbolize the couple's new journey• The significance of being intentional about building a good relationship with my new daughter-in-law• How apologizing quickly and choosing each other daily strengthens marriage over decades• The value of community support and having a "village" to celebrate important life transitionsGet on the waiting list for my upcoming book "Bad Marriage Advice" at www.badmarriageadvice.com and receive a free gift of 300+ date night ideas for every season, budget, and interest.Send us a text

I spent an incredible weekend at the first-ever Relational Life Therapy conference in Orlando, immersed in transformative teachings from world-renowned relationship experts. RLT offers powerful tools for building radically honest, fiercely loving relationships where both partners thrive in equality, focusing on intimacy, connection, and practical relational skills.• RLT focuses on telling the truth in relationships and why honesty creates deeper connection• Diversity and inclusion play crucial roles in understanding how upbringing affects relationship dynamics• Learning practical techniques for vulnerability, speaking truth to power, and working through difficult moments together• Multi-generational trauma can be healed when one person "faces the flame" and changes family patterns• Happy couples aren't conflict-free but excel at repair after disconnection• Small repair attempts like reaching for your partner's hand or saying "we're on the same team" can transform relationshi

Money often causes tension in relationships, but it doesn't have to. Nate and Bethany Smith share their expertise on creating financial harmony through better communication, understanding each other's money stories, and developing shared goals.• Understanding your partner's "money story" helps build empathy and reduces financial conflict• Creating a "spending and savings plan" feels more empowering than a restrictive budget• Pay yourself first by prioritizing savings before other expenses• Rule of 72 shows how your money doubles (divide 72 by your interest rate)• Teaching kids early money habits and the time value of money sets them up for success• Changing your environment (walks, weekend getaways) creates better financial conversations• Awareness of where money goes and having a plan prevents financial stress• Having a vision for your future makes daily money decisions easier• Understanding the psychology behind money decisions is as important as the mathContact Nate and B

In this episode, we explore how recommitting to daily conversations and weekly date nights can reignite emotional intimacy and transform your relationship with your partner.• Gottman research shows mapping your partner's inner world is crucial for emotional connection• People constantly change and evolve—nobody remains the same person they were when you married• Commit to 20 minutes of daily connection through walking and meaningful conversation• Move beyond transactional topics (kids, chores, schedules) to discover what excites or stresses your partner• Ask questions like "What are you learning right now?" or "Who are you enjoying talking to lately?"• Use weekly date nights to explore the origins of beliefs about sex, money, relationships• Investigate childhood experiences to understand where your partner's core beliefs originated• "Weed out" unhealthy beliefs and intentionally plant new ideas in your relationship garden• Emotional connection naturally enhances all oth

Send us a textPassionate relationships require more than love—they need the right psychological dynamics to keep desire alive. When couples come to me feeling more like roommates than lovers, they're often surprised to learn that their sexual disconnection has less to do with libido or attraction and more to do with unrecognized emotional patterns.The truth about passionate marriages might surprise you. While emotional connection matters, your sexual relationship operates with separate dynamics that need specific attention. Differentiation—maintaining your sense of self while being emotionally connected—creates the foundation for desire. As relationship expert David Schnarch explains, people who struggle with differentiation often resort to control tactics or emotional distance rather than healthy interdependence.Your sexual connection is also deeply influenced by context, as Emily Nagoski brilliantly explains. Desire isn't simply spontaneous—it's responsive to your environment and circumstance

Send us a textWhat's the worst piece of marriage advice you've ever received? In my years coaching couples, I've heard countless well-meaning but misguided tips passed down between generations. Today, I'm pulling back the curtain on one of the most damaging myths that keeps showing up, especially in religious communities: "divorce is not an option."Despite its popularity among relationship experts, this seemingly innocent advice creates devastating ripple effects in marriages. It breeds complacency—why try when your partner is stuck with you anyway? It kills honest communication—why bring up difficult topics when nothing can change? Most ironically, it replaces genuine security with fear, leaving partners wondering if they're chosen or merely tolerated. Instead of creating stability, this mindset often nurtures resentment and emotional distance.This episode offers a glimpse into my forthcoming book, "Bad Marriage Advice: 15 Myths That Will Make You Miserable," wher

Send us a textI'm announcing my first book "Bad Marriage Advice: 15 Myths that Are Making you Miserable," releasing on May 3rd to coincide with my 23rd wedding anniversary and my son's wedding day. The book challenges popular but potentially harmful marriage advice and offers better relational skills based on my experience as a marriage coach and interviews with couples married over 50 years.• Written as a guide for my son's upcoming marriage, combining maternal wisdom with professional expertise• Addresses common myths like "don't go to bed angry," "happy wife, happy life," and "don't sweat the small stuff"• Explains why compromise is overrated and collaboration is the better approach• Demonstrates how popular marriage advice often dampens communication between couples• Contains practical communication skills applicable for newly married and long-term couples• Designed to be relatable, entertaining, and immediately usefulIf you have an audience

Send us a textMonica Tanner shares transformative relationship skills to help couples communicate more effectively and maintain passion in their marriages. Through practical frameworks, she reveals how making specific requests and mastering repair techniques can dramatically improve relationship satisfaction.• Most people complain about relationship problems rather than making clear requests• Every complaint contains a hidden request that can be uncovered• Effective requests follow three steps: rocking the boat, being specific, and showing appreciation• Requests should be specific, behavioral, and time-bound• Asking "Is there anything I can do to help you come through for me?" increases success rate• Sexual requests can follow the same framework while respecting boundaries and choice• Repair is a one-way street—only one person's concerns should be addressed at a time• The repair process should be limited to eight sentences maximum• Always begin repair by "remembering love" and your pu

Send us a textWalking with your partner is a powerful tool that has strengthened my marriage through every season, from dating challenges to parenting transitions and career changes.• Discovered the power of walking while facing parental disapproval during our engagement• Walking side-by-side creates a safe space for difficult conversations that face-to-face interaction doesn't• Daily walks help us download the day, discuss challenges, and reconnect• Beach walks and neighborhood loops have become our favorite ways to connect• Walking protected our marriage during major life transitions including empty nesting and career changes• Side-by-side movement (even driving) creates the same effect when walking isn't possible• After 23 years of marriage, we're still learning new things about each other during our walksIf you have questions about anything, please do not hesitate to send me an email, moni@monicatanner.com. I can't wait to hear how your walks are going!

Send us a textThis episode sheds light on the often challenging journey of forgiveness in relationships. Understanding how to forgive is crucial for moving forward after betrayal or hurt. • Exploring the emotional journey of betrayal in relationships • Importance of understanding personal willingness in forgiveness • Discussing the withholding dynamic in relationships • Actionable steps to effectively communicate needs for healing • Viewing forgiveness as an act of personal freedom • Encouragement to seek professional help if necessary If you’re struggling with issues of trust and forgiveness in your relationship, please reach out for support. You can book a complimentary relationship breakthrough call here:  https://tidycal.com/onthebrightersideoflife/call

Send us a textTrust is an essential foundation of relationships, but sometimes it gets broken. This week, Nate and I dive into the complexities of restoring damaged trust, providing valuable insights and actionable strategies. • Definition of trust and its importance in relationships • Exploring types of hurts: big and small • Discussing personal responsibility in rebuilding trust • Effective communication strategies for addressing trust issues • The vital role of consistency and ongoing actions in trust repair • Emphasizing that healing is not a one-time conversation, but an ongoing process Remember to take responsibility for your actions and truly understand your partner's feelings to foster resilience in your relationship.If you need help with this process, please reach out for a complimentary consultation here:  https://tidycal.com/onthebrightersideoflife/call

Send us a textThis episode addresses how to navigate feelings of disappointment in a relationship, particularly following Valentine's Day. We explore effective communication strategies, the importance of honesty, and techniques to foster understanding and empathy during tough conversations. • Discussing the common aftermath of unmet expectations • Importance of maintaining open and honest communication • Techniques to express feelings without emotional dumping • Establishing ground rules for productive conversations • The WAIT method: understanding the purpose of dialogue • Acknowledging and responding to each other's emotions with empathy • Strategies for creating a safe space for honest discussions • Importance of preemptively addressing feelings to prevent resentment • The value of mutual understanding in resolving conflicts • Building intimacy through vulnerability and active listeningFor help in having these discussions, please book a 30 minute complimentary call using this link: https://tidyca

Send us a textCan understanding love languages actually harm your relationship? Nate shares a remarkable personal experiment with his wife that uncovers some surprising insights into how we express and perceive love. While the idea of identifying your partner's love language is popular, we discuss the potential pitfalls of using it as a benchmark or a tool for assigning blame. When expectations aren't met, relationships can suffer from resentment and even infidelity. The 5 Love Language framework, while initially helpful, should not become a rigid scorecard for evaluating success. We caution against forming covert contracts based on these principles, which can lead to unfulfilled expectations and relationship breakdowns. Instead, we encourage embracing love languages as a starting block for personal growth and genuine connection. Our discussion challenges the popular notion of the Five Love Languages, exploring how they can inadvertently harm relationships instead of fostering genuine connection. We

Send us a textThis episode explores the concept of emotional entropy in relationships, emphasizing that love requires consistent effort and attention to thrive. Through relatable analogies and expert insights, we are encouraging you to actively nurture your marriage to prevent stagnation and promote growth.• Overview of emotional entropy and its relevance to relationships • Common misconceptions about marriage leading to complacency • Importance of Dr. John Gottman’s insights on emotional health • Strategies for turning towards each other’s bids for attention • The value of recognizing daily contributions within the partnership • Practical tips for investing in a thriving relationship • Encouragement to prioritize kindness and active engagement with partners • Call to action for listeners to implement changes in their relationships

Send us a textThe episode explores effective strategies for couples to enhance their emotional connections through acknowledgment, making specific requests, and celebrating small progress in relationships. By emphasizing the importance of turning complaints into requests, recognizing positive behavior, and ignoring unhelpful dynamics, listeners are encouraged to build a healthier, more supportive partnership.• Discussing the importance of vulnerability in relationships • Recapping previous episodes for context • Turning complaints into specific requests • Recognizing and celebrating small victories • Understanding the dynamics of behavioral reinforcement • Drawing parallels from animal training to relationship building • Emphasizing the need for appreciation over complaint • Advising on techniques to redirect unwanted behaviors Thank you for joining us! We would love to hear how you integrate recognizing progress in your relationship. Please remember to share your experiences and thoughts!The book we refer to

Send us a textExplore the transformative power of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and how it can help couples break free from unhealthy patterns to foster deeper connections. Risa Ganel discusses how the adaptive child, systemic changes, and a focus on second-order change can reshape relationships for lasting benefit. • RLT emphasizes systemic connections in relationships • Differentiates between first-order and second-order change • Focus on nurturing the ‘adaptive child’ for emotional growth • Importance of personal accountability and choice in relationships • The role of communication in nourishing intimacy • Opportunities for couples' growth through bootcamps and workshopsCheck out Risa's Bootcamps here: https://www.togethercouplescounseling.comFind an RLT Therapist or Coach here: https://directory.relationallife.com/Book a FREE Relationship Breakthrough call with me here: https://tidycal.com/onthebrightersideoflife/call

Send us a textCommunication is key to a thriving relationship, and asking for what you want instead of complaining is a game-changer. This episode offers practical tools to help you identify your unexpressed needs and transition from a blame-focused mindset to positive, actionable requests. • Emphasizing the importance of vulnerability in relationships • Identifying the root of complaints and transforming them into requests • Maintaining love and empathy while making requests • Discussing personal responsibility in fulfilling partner needs • Recognizing and managing micro disappointments • Encouraging feedback from listeners about their experiences with requests

Send us a textThis episode focuses on understanding the importance of taking risks to rejuvenate a relationship and combat mediocrity. Monica and Nate discuss fears that hold couples back, with insights into how to engage in open conversations that lead to positive change and passion in marriage. • Emphasizing the need to awaken passion in relationships • Discussing the three common fears preventing honest conversations • Highlighting the cost of complacency in love • Encouraging vulnerability and openness with partners • Offering actionable advice for difficult discussions • Sharing personal narratives to illustrate key insights • Reminding listeners about the powerful impact on children and future generations • Introducing next week’s topic on asking for what you truly want in relationships

Send us a textUnlock the secrets to transforming a mediocre marriage into one filled with passion and fulfillment. Discover how to navigate the ebb and flow between survival and self-actualization, and learn why investing time and effort into your partnership can reignite the flames of passion.In this episode, we'll give you the 3 rules of turning a mediocre marriage into one full of passion, play and pleasure. You do not want to miss the fantastic broad overview of the skills we will be teaching in the new year. Get a jump start on writing your happily ever after love story.Interested in setting goals and a unified vision for 2025. Join me on January 7th at noon MST as I walk you through this process in a workshop style class. Even if you can't join us live, you'll get a replay and a workbook, so you can work through it at your own pace. Use this link to register --> https://www.eventbrite.com/e/plan-for-relationship-success-in-2025-tickets-1115977291119?aff=oddtdtcreator

Send us a textAfter returning from a rejuvenating, phone-free escape to Cancun with my husband, I'm back with insights on how to create a year-end wrap-up experience. Joined by my faithful co-host, Nate Bagley, we share how undivided attention can transform your partnership, even if a luxury getaway isn't in the cards this year. Discover creative ways to carve out meaningful moments at home or on a simple staycation, ensuring that no barrier, whether financial or logistical, stands in the way of bonding with your partner. Plus, learn more about an exciting class coming up on January 7th that promises to help couples reflect on the past year and strategize for the future.In this episode, we discuss ways to set relationship goals, tackle conflicts, and prepare for an end-of-year meeting that sets the stage for a thriving new year together.Goal setting in relationships can be a double-edged sword, offering both opportunities for growth and potential pitfalls. In our conversation, we unpack the nuances