What The Hell Were You Thinking

Happy Birthday ‘Murca! In this episode of the show Host Dave Bledsoe talks the Founding Fathers and all the goodness that happened on 1776--Holy Jesus, we just read the script--he’s gone mad! He can’t DO that, not on 4th of July Weekend! For the love of God someone get someone on the phone...we honestly cannot let this happen. Mother of God. If you are crazy enough to still be here, he opens the show with The Whitest Kids you Know and closes with Martina McBride. Promotional consideration provided by Zebediah’s Muskets and Kentucky Rifles. I honestly cannot believe he is doing this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Show Notes for Episode 65: “Save Whitey” This week host Dave Bledsoe talks about White People and why they can’t have nice things, not even that Jack Daniels Elvis Decanter they bought at the Swap Shop over on Route 5! We start with the White Folks across the Pond who decided they would rather burn down their entire economy than have any more Brown folks move next door, and jump right over to America where our own White Folks are starting shitter fires at the Tractor Pull. (We’re WAY past dumpster fires here folks) . We give a shout out to our Sister Show on the Fast Eddies’ Podcast Hut Network, “Ere, what up in yer gob yah bleedin’ sod” hosted by Reggie Smythwick Jones--what up Reg! We go over little things like the Civil War, Gavin’s tragic choice to try online dating, and how you are forced to break Godwin’s Law when you discuss working at an Amazon distro warehouse. We ALSO provide some fairly simple solutions to the biggest problems afflicting White People in America and they do NOT require intern

This week Host Dave Bledsoe is done with your bullshit and is here with a big ass shovel and bucket, ready to start scooping. We take a look at the lies the bind, the things we keep telling ourselves as though we really believe them. We want to tell you this is a fun, happy little show with lots of jokes and lighthearted ribbing, but that would be a lie. It’s angry, bleak and disheartening--kind of like you when you found out the truth about Santa Claus. Like Elvis Costello’s mirror he’s going to tell you things he loves you too much to say any other time. Unlike Elvis Presley’s mirror, it will not make you think sequined jumpsuits are a good idea. Along the way we discover the horror of naked bathroom selfies, why 80’s pop music is the purest form of wistful nostalgia, the scientific principle behind the Gun Event Horizon and explain the logical fallacy of the customer ever being right. This is not a show to listen to if you enjoy blissful ignorance. Promotional consideration is brought to you by E

This week Host Dave Bledsoe opens up the Big Book of Clinton and find reads to your from Chapter 7 verses 11-15: “And lo, they did come from Arkansas to the White House and the Republican wert pissed…” We FINALLY get around to doing the long promised show about Hillary Clinton, listing EVERYTHING that is wrong with her as a candidate and why people just flat don’t like her. So, this week’s could go on HOURS! Along the way we examine questions about evolvings tastes in Country and Western music, why the financial industry is good for America, the secret chemical in the chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly and the relative merits of keeping your maiden name. For some reason we go on quite a while about handjobs, which will make sense in time. We hope. We will definitely find out why Gavin still uses a Motorola StarTac flip phone. Our show is sponsored this week by Wall Street, who want you to know they OWN you. We open with Kate McKinnon’s perfect Hillary and close with my favorite TV theme son

In this Special Edition Host Dave Bledsoe gives up his Sunday drinking for studio drinking. Though honestly how can you tell? He takes on the violence inherent in the system and points out how Trump Protesters are shooting themselves in foot and if they keep this up someone else will be doing the shooting, and feet will not be their target. Along the way we deal with Dave’s laundry listening, Gavin’s personal grooming habits and why didn’t any of you pay attention in history class. We insult pretty much EVERY segment of the American population and explain why we need to the vapid, listless, torpid American vote to win. Also, modern protest songs really SUCK. We open with angry people being angry and close with Buffalo Springfield. THAT is a protest song! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Host Dave Bledsoe scales the Empire State Building holding a nubile blonde and swatting away attacking bi-planes as he discusses the animals on the Internet. Trust us, they are the less intelligent species. In the show we dig deep into the killing of a gorilla in Cincinnati and how the Internet reacted. Along the way we look in on the Armenian Genocide, why we can’t take Gavin anywhere and what it means to be a true hero. (Hint, it involves a golf ball and a LOT of kegel exercises.) Additionally we learn the proper poetic form for issuing a death threat, the Sestina, and discover our host’s childhood fascination with doody. Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by Abe’s Ape on a Stick, all the flavor of Real Ape™in a cruelty free soy bar! Abe’s so good, you will never know it isn’t Ape! We open the show with the wise words of Dr. Zaius--oh oh Dr, Zaius--and close with the musical stylings of The Dickies! Remember all Death Threats should be addressed to Producer Gavin! Learn

Show Notes Episode 61: “Own the Media” This week host Dave Bledsoe does his best Garfield and explains his love of lasagna, hatred of Mondays and unpacks what billionaire Peter Thiel’s funding of lawsuits aimed at Gawker as threats to the freedom of the press in America. We realize that 99% don’t get that joke, because you have actual lives and do not spend your days obsessively consuming news about the news. As a refreshing change the only political philosophy we will be insulting this week is Libertarianism, which isn’t even a real philosophy, it’s something that only exists after three bowls of killer weed in your college freshman dorm! Along the way we learn about Bubba the Love Sponge, that Dave has a sex tape (everyone was doing them in those days!) and laugh until we pee a little over the name Vandersloot! Come for the lurid tales of Silicon Valley gay sex, stay for the death of democracy! You really don’t get the Garfield thing at all do you? Do you people even NPR? Promotional considerations

Show Notes for Episode 60: Bad News About the Unicorns This week Host Dave Bledsoe administers a high dose of reality straight to the Blood Brain Barrier. Along the way we discuss the strange situation at Nevada Democratic Convention, professional wrestling moves and wonder what the hell happened to Bunk Moreland! We expect that kind of behavior of Jimmy McNulty, but not YOU Bunk! We also talk about the rules, and how they are there for everyone, not just the special snowflakes who don’t like them because they are losing. Also, if Jennifer Lawrence IS looking to get it on with a pudgy middle aged podcaster, we would totally be into that! Call us JLaw! Careful listeners will hear a fairly obscure reference to the 1980’s gaming culture, well obscure to people who weren’t in role playing game culture in the 1980’s anyway. We open the show with a drop from professional wrestling, who took chair tossing from my childhood rumpus room and transformed into pure fucking art. We close with the Irish Rovers,

Show Notes for Episode 59: “Mirror In the Bathroom” This week Host Dave Bledsoe steps inside the stall and discovers that North Carolina not only forgot to flush, but has backed up the plumbing. Together we celebrate the return of fleshy homunculus Ted Cruz just when we thought he was out, bathroom laws pulled him back in! Along the way we learn the difference between a Drag Queen and Cross Dresser (hint: One is AWESOME and the other is some dude wearing his wife’s support hose in their bedroom.) We sing the hits at Ray Ray’s Clam Shack Kenny Karaoke along with Edna Mae, she does a MEAN Linda Ronstadt, learn that you really only have to worry about taking home a transgender person if you are out TRYING to take home a transgender person. Finally, we ask some hard questions about Producer Gavin’s My Little Pony Cosplay outfits. It promises to be really awkward for everyone! Promotional consideration this week is by Golden Flow personal catheters, strap it on and never worry about perverts in the bathro

Show Notes for Episode 58: When the House Burned Down In this late and much abbreviated show for this week, Host Dave Bledsoe is not fucking around. He is talking straight to anyone who is thinking about sitting out this year election because they don’t like their choice of candidates, Democrat AND Republican. He wants you to know that choosing not to choose is still making a choice and that choice is for Donald Trump. Along the way we meet the Platonic Ideal of a Trump Voter and vigorously argue that you do NOT want Greg Bonecutter Jr, a name we only WISH we made up, deciding the future of the Republic, So, stop sulking and do what you know you need to do, otherwise you will be in the house when it all burns down. Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by Ass Relax, helping you shit and get off the pot. Our opening drop is from the movie Heathers, and we close the show with Warren Zevon. Meet Greg Bonecutter Jr. Hypnostate What the HELL on Soundcloud What the HELL on Twitter What th

Show Notes Episode 57: Going to the End of the Line This week, host Dave Bledsoe examines the words of the prophets written on the men’s room stall and comes to conclusion that some bathroom laws ARE needed--this place is disgusting! The subject of the SHOW this week is the looming end of the Republican Primary and how the candidates are reacting to the unpleasant reality of Trump’s inevitable victory. Along the way we look at the storybook career of Carly Fiorina, if the stories were written by the Brother’s Grimm. We get our Vaudeville on for some reason and we talk about the Donald’s new campaign man’s ties to criminals, and not the just ones in the Reagan and Bush Administrations. Shout out to John Boehner who we kinda didn’t like in Congress but is really growing on us in private life! Our opener this week is from the movie Election, which is looking more and prescient every day and we close the show with the Travelling Wilburys. Promotional consideration for this week’s episode comes from Desperat

This week Host Dave Bledsoe distributes soothing gel to all the butthurt Liberals on the Internet in the form of a little history lesson about the God of the Republican Party Ronald Wilson Reagan who came from the ashes of broken people and lead them into glory. Trust us, it will make sense once you hear the episode. Along the way examine the tragic abuses of red headed step children and rented mules, the likelihood of Monsanto creating a man eating Summer Squash and why in the name of God Producer Gavin would mix Mountain Dew Code Red with Jameson--that sick son of a bitch. We also point out that while yes, liberals are smug bastards, we are only smug because we are right all the time. Our opening clip is a gem of a commercial from the 90’s about the game Scattergories, and we close the show with the music of Foreigner. It’s the Episode you’ve been waiting to come into your life. The Smug Style of American Liberalism on Vox.com http://www.vox.com/2016/4/21/11451378/smug-american-liberalism Hypnostate

Episode 55: Govern the Shit Out of It Edition One year(ish) ago the show you’ve come to know and ignore coalesced into it’s doughy, unappealing form, not unlike its host, and we are here to celebrate! Fifty two(ish) episodes back we discussed the Inevitable Hilly C’s shocking reveal about her presidential ambitions, today we discuss whether or not to endorse her in next week’s primary. Along the way we have breakfast at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, lament our lost Summer of 1982 and ponder Gavin’s Trapper Keeper cover art. Host Dave Bledsoe even submits his own entry for a Hillary Clinton campaign commercial--call us Hill, we work CHEAP! If you like nostalgic walks down memory lane, pina coladas and gettin caught in the rain, then our One Year Anniversary Show, Episode #55: Govern the Shit Out of It Edition is one you can’t miss. The show’s closing music is Survivor’s The Search is Over. We’re sorry. www.whathehellpodcast.com @TheHell_Podcast on the Twitter What the Hell Were Yo

Back from hiatus in our deluxe new studios, which we are tentatively calling The Room Where It Happens because it is in Hamilton Heights and even HINT of that Hamilton money would be gravy! This week we explore these strange feelings host Dave Bledsoe is having for Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is definitely NOT running for President, and totally wouldn’t take it, unless you offered it to him. Also, an explainer on why running for political office is the worst job in America. (Hint: Corndogs.) We wrap up with a vicious criticism of Ted Cruz being a Rules Lawyer AND a Munchkin. The into clip is the least offensively racist thing we could pull from Song of the South, the movie not the Alabama song which is actually pretty good. Our “research” materials comes from Politico, New York Magazine and The New Republic. Our closing credits song is YMCA by the Village People for reasons that will abundantly clear. @thehell_podcast on Twitter What the HELL Were You Thinking on Facebook www.whatthehelllpodca

This week the show looks at the man children dominating the Republican Presidential Race to the bottom and their Twitter wars insulting each other’s wives. We learn that petulant douchebaggery is an American Political Tradition and that nerds in the 80’s could have used a good database to track their tormenters. God, we could have hacked their iPhones to show their location at all times! So much pain spared! We talk briefly about Cruz Patrols and why they are just fucking stupid and why Kasich won’t take his toys and go home. The show will also be going on hiatus for the next two weeks as we are moving studios, but will return in April with our Big Anniversary Show! One year of podcasts! Who would’ve thought when we started we were so angry we might still be doing these a year later? We open the show with PeeWee’s Big Adventure, and close with Blink 162’s “What’s My Age Again” You can hear all about Jefferson and Hamilton’s pissing matches here. (Bet you won’t hear THAT in the Broadway show!) Hypnost

This week your host Dave Bledsoe heads out into the flyover and takes long hard look at what has happened to rural white people, and why they are being disrespected by the Republican Establishment. Hint: It’s Orange, Loud and Dangerous. Jumping off from a scathing article in the National Review we talk about how white people were fucked over by the Republicans (OK and the Democrats) with only a tiny touch of schadenfreude. From the decline of manufacturing jobs, to the failing public education system in poor rural communities and the cost of college education there is reason why poor white people are pissed off. Along the way we get into some Latin with President Josiah Bartlett, discuss the merits of Toto songs with Gavin and realize when it comes to being angry, poor and White, it takes one to know one. Our intro clip this week is Mel Brooks Blazing Saddles, our exit music is from the movie Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and of course, we mourn the end of Rubio campaign with Boyz II Men. Hyponstate o

Friday March 11th 2016 “Hard To Say I’m Sorry” Edition: In which your Host Dave Bledsoe admits his predictions on Rubio taking the nomination MAY be premature. We also look at some other broad misconceptions made by the pundit-ocracy, explain “Fucking Delegates, how do the work?” and how the corpse of Ronald Reagan has better chance of winning the general than anyone currently running for the position. The math is complicated, but the conclusions are very clear. We also explain how a Brokered Convention will be the most entertaining thing in politics since (Spoiler Warning) Burr shot Hamilton. The intro clip for this week’s show is Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs “Wrong O’Clock”. The show is sponsored by Humble Pie Pastry, when you were wrong, really, really wrong: Humble Pie Pastry. The show’s closing music is Chicago’s “Hard to Say I’m Sorry”. The Obligatory 80’s television reference is The Greatest American Hero. Mike Pesca’s Spiel in this Slate’s Gist explains the mystery of votes and delegates, and V

Friday, March 04, 2016 “Deep Dark Truthful Mirror” Edition Host Dave Bledsoe asks the Republicans: when you said this Trump thing could never happen, what the HELL were you thinking? This week we stare into the darkness that is the Trump supporter, who they are, why the like him and what it means for America. In short, we stare deep into the darkness, and do not like what we see. Our research monkeys drew heavily on the Atlantic article “Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters” and the Washington Post’s “Here’s Who Supports Donald Trump –and Why”. Finally the Fade Glory Brand Brown Shirts in their own words come The Guardian’s “Not Even My Wife Knows’: Secret Donald Trump Supporters Speak Out” The intro clip is the closing monologue from “American Psycho” and the credit music is from John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band—Eddie and the Cruisers Soundtrack, 1983. Show Opener: Prelude to Common Sense/Hypnostate What the HELL Podcast.com @thehell_podcast on Twitter What the HELL Were You Thinking on Faceboo

All week the pundit-ocracy have been saying Super Tuesday is pretty much it if they are going to Stop the Tiny Orange Penis of the Republican Party from becoming a grower instead of a shower, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Of course, the America Hating, Communist Freeloader Republican Senators, who feel they should be paid without doing any work for the money are saying THEY are the ones standing up for the American people—just the sort of thing a Communist Sympathizer WOULD say—by refusing to consider ANY nominee for the Supreme Court until AFTER the election in November. Comrade McConnell along with Comrade Grassley, Comrade Cruz and all the rest of the Cell members in the Senate signed an open letter this week to this effect, closing with the line each Senator according to his ability and each according his needs. They then hung a portrait of Lenin on the wall and walked off to find some red armbands. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices