Watch Your Mouth Podcast

Summary: The lads go full nerd and talk about giant fucking robots in this episode. What more do you need to know? In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Baby Guinness - 2 oz. Kahlua - 1/2 oz. Bailey's Fill a shot glass almost to the top with coffee liqueur. Top off with Irish cream. It should float perfectly on top making the "head" (heh heh heh....head) of your shot. Enjoy adorable baby shots of Guinness looking liqueur. Almost as adorable as Baby Fucking Groot. Quote du Jour: Deon - Have we learned this word yet? Chappie - Aaaaaa... What's up Fuck Mother? Deon and Chappie - Chappie Charity: Songs For Kids Foundation: www.songsforkids.org/ Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wymshow – @wymshow iTunes – itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch…d1065059804?mt=2 Sound Cloud –@watchyourmouthpodcast Stitcher – www.stitcher.com/podcast/watch-your-mouth-podcast Spreaker – www.spreaker.com/show/watch-your-mouth-podcast Merchandise – www.cafepress.com/wymmerch

Summary: The lads made it halfway through the semester, you know what that means...The ZOMBIE GAME is back!! Also, since no one claimed the Big Bag of F#ck No!, they draw a new winner. Listen to find out if you're the lucky winner. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: The Manhattan - 2 oz. Rye Whiskey - 1 oz. Sweet Vermouth - 5 Drops of Angostura Bitters (or however many you want, we're not here to tell you how to live your life) Add all ingredients into a mixing glass with ice. Stir well and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a cherry. Feel classy as fuck. Quote du Jour: Cy - Would you have dope's cross off your shoulder son. Leon - Well I'd, (COUGH) like to take less. Cy - Then fall to your fucking knees. Get to your mother fucking knees Leon, and ask the Lord to lift your burden part way. Leon - Hear me! Lord? Cy - Don't FUCK with the fucking deity, Leon! Cy and Leon - Deadwood Charity: Songs For Kids Foundation: www.songsforkids.org/ Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com

Summary: The lads discuss some of their favorite science, math, history, and all kinds of other educational things that have, despite their best efforts, stuck with them over the years. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Copper Mine (Layered Shot) Equal Parts - Frangelico (bottom) - Tia Maria (middle) - Bailey's (top) Layer these shots using the back of a spoon or any other way you know how to layer a shot. It will make a nice transition from dark to light. Or if you're not into all that, just dump them all together and shoot them. They're all going to the same place. Quote du Jour: Kenny - You goddamn motherfuckers. You fucking waltz in here, and you think you know everything, don't you? Well, I fucking worked my fucking ass off to get to New York City, and you sure as fuck are not gonna fucking blow it for me! Howard - I was just doing character... Kenny - Barry, Jerry, clarify the situation for him, please. Lawyer (Barry)- Page 108, paragraph 3, No jokes dealing with flatulence, excret

Summary: The lads discuss some work stories from their day jobs. You may think the podcast is their day job, but you'd be wrong. That being said, they also celebrate their second year anniversary doing the Watch Your Mouth Podcast! In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Watermelon-Jalapeño Margarita - 8 Cups of Cubed Watermelon - 1 1/2 Cups of White Tequila - 1/2 Cup Orange Liqueur -1/2 Cup Fresh Lime Juice -1/4 Cup Simple Syrup - 1 or 2 jalapeño peppers thinly sliced (remember, the more seeds and membrane you leave on them, the more butt burning potency they have - Ice Puree watermelon, in batches, in a blender or food processor. Strain the puree through a wire-mesh strainer into a pitcher, pushing on the back of the goop with a spoon. Then, combine the tequila, orange liqueur, lime juice, simple syrup, and jalapeños to the pitcher. Cover and chill for an hour or so (the longer it sits, the stronger the pepper flavor). Serve over ice. Get all Pintresty with adding watermelon wedges and jalape

Summary: Dan is missing in action but we interview improv comic, Project Pat (Patricia Guevara), who gives us the true history on the origins of the world famous Larry Drink. In the Studio: Ken Critter Special Guest - Project Pat (Patricia Guevara) Cocktail du Jour: Suburban - 1 1/2 oz Whiskey or Rye Whisky - 1/2 oz Dark Rum - 1/2 oz Port - 1 dash Orange Bitters - 1 Dash Angostura Bitters Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake well, then strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Talk all fancy like while enjoying your cocktail made with poooouurt. Quote du Jour: Grandma Gallagher:We got two days to the big show. So when I say kick, you want to kick. And when I say dip, you want to dip. And when I say tap, you tap. And when I say... Mary Katherine Gallagher: I think they get the point Grandma. Grandma Gallagher: Wait, I've got two more. When I say tap, you tap, and when I say booga booga, you booga booga. Maria Ganitisis: What's booga booga mean? Grandma Gallagher: I don't know, but if I say it y

Summary: The lads are back with a new semester and are swearing for a new charity. This time they are putting their foul language to good use for the Songs for Kids Foundation, and they talk about some of their favorite ideas for vacations. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: BOOmosa - Champagne - Ecto-Cooler (if you have it. If not, listen to episode 39 to hear how you can make your own) So this is just a mimosa that is made with Ecto-Cooler. Obviously, 3/4 of the glass is champagne (or more) and top with Ecto-Cooler. It's classy but nerdy. Quote du Jour: Frank - You gave me your word, saying you where working on your history assignments! Then all the sudden I get a call from your teacher, saying you have not done a single one of them! Kevin - It's history, it's not going anywhere! Frank - When I get home tonight, I better see HALF of those assignments completed! Or as god as my witness, I will put you through that FUCKING wall! Kevin - We are outside genius, there are no walls! Frank -

Summary: The lads wrap up Semester 8 by reading all fan-submitted comments and Zombie Game responses. So if you're a fan of the show and submitted any comments, quips, survival tactics, etc...chances are, you're featured in this episode! In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Champagne - Shit ton of champagne (or just flute...you do you) As usual, we wrap up the semester by toasting champagne! Pop open a bottle of the finest bubbly Wal-Mart has to offer and join us! Quote du Jour: (Cellphone rings) Leonard - Yea. Alright, well fuck him! Fuck his face off and when he bends over to pick up off the floor. Fuck him in the ass. Leonard Stiltskin - Party Down Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - www.fisherhouse.org Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wymshow – @wymshow iTunes – itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch…d1065059804?mt=2 Sound Cloud –@watchyourmouthpodcast Stitcher – www.stitcher.com/podcast/wat

Summary: The lads have a special guest...Becca Rainier from Pandorium Dance Company! They also talk Black Magic. Not like the witchcraft kind, but the booze and cake kind. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Special Guest: Becca Rainier - http://www.pandoriumbellydance.com/ Cocktail du Jour: Black Magic - 3/4 oz Kahlua - 1 1/2 oz Vodka - 1 Dash Lemon Juice or one squirt for that shitty plastic lemon thing. Add all ingredients to a shaker, shake well, and strain into a glass with fresh ice. Quote du Jour: Jack - Do not sabotage me. (Miles scoffs) Jack - You want to be a fucking lightweight, then that's your call. Do not sabotage me. Miles Raymond - Aye aye Captain. You got it! Jack - If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot. Miles Raymond - No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot! Jack and Miles Raymond - Sideways Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - www.fisherhouse.org Links: Facebook – www.fac

Summary: The lads discuss some of the fads they have fallen victim to. Luckily fads are cyclical and some of these are coming back. STARTER JACKETS BABY!! In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Gin Buck - 2 oz Gin - Juice of half a lemon or just that lemon juice that comes in that fake plastic lemon - Ginger Ale In a Collins glass with ice add the gin and lemon juice, then fill the rest with ginger ale and give it a quick stir. Enjoy. The Gin Buck will get you fucked. Quote du Jour: Carl - Hey, Carl... you wanna give all of your money away to a homeless guy? Yes, yes I do. How 'bout letting him burn out your phone battery so that you can't call aaa when you run out of gas? You know what? That sounds like a fucking great idea! Carl - Yes Man Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - www.fisherhouse.org Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wymshow – @wymshow iTunes – itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch…d10650

Summary: The lads talk about their adventures at Coast Con 40. **Spoiler Alert** - It was awesome! Thank you to everyone who came by the WYM booth. If you told the crew your favorite curse word, then it's in this episode. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: White Walker -White Chocolate Liqueur -Vanilla Cream Soda -Blue Curaçao Fill a tall glass with ice. Fill halfway with white chocolate liqueur, then top it with the vanilla cream soda. Finally, gently pour a small amount of the Blue Curaçao on top. It should look kinda layered. If it doesn't, fuck it. Just drink it anyway, it'll be just as good. Quote du Jour: [Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup, hooting and howling] Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac? Mac: Good enough... to fuck... your mother. Foster and Mac - Super Troopers Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - www.fisherhouse.org Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wym

Summary: The lads discuss dumb things they used to believe to be true. They cover more than just Santa (Oh shit! SPOILER! Hope that didn't ruin Santa for anyone). And SAMURAI JACK IS COMING BACK!! In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Sangria Choose a palatable wine. Pour in some Brandy or any other liquor you want to fortify the concoction with. Mix some fruit in there. Add some sugar if you want. Add some Sprite, 7 Up, or carbonated water if you want. This is really a blank canvas type of drink. You can pretty much do anything with it. Just have some wine, liquor of some sort, and some fruit and you got all the makings of the base of Sangria (or all of it, really it's up to you). Just mix to taste and get fucking wild on it. Happy drinking! Quote du Jour: Adam: By all accounts we should be pretty fucked up right now but. I feel kinda great! Nick: I feel kinda crazy... Lou: I feel Fantastic! I WANT TO FUUUUCCCCKKKK SSSSOMMMMEEETHHHINNNGGGGgggg!!! Adam, Lou and Nick - Hot Tub Time Machine

Summary: The lads discuss their upcoming trip to Coast Con 40, and since it's the show right before the midterm break, the ZOMBIE GAME is back! In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: The Quaalude Equal Parts - Vodka - Bailey's - Grand Marnier Combine all the booze into a glass or shake with ice in a mixer and strain into shot glasses. **Note to Self** Don't drink a bunch of these and try to drive your Lamborghini Countach home. You may think you got it home in one piece, but it's really just all boogered up. A real shit bomb. Quote du Jour: Dale Doback - Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the wiener. Dr. Robert Doback - Shut the fuck up! Dale Doback and Dr. Robert Doback - Step Brothers Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Bur

Summary: The lads discuss all things love, romance, Valentine's Day, and periodically listen to metal to offset it. They also revisit "Gum-Tracks." In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Sex on the Beach -1.5 oz Vodka - 0.5 oz Peach Schnapps - 1.5 oz Orange or Pineapple Juice -1.5 oz Cranberry Juice - 0.5 oz Chambord or Creme de Cassis (optional) Add ingredients into a shaker with ice. Shake the shit out of it. Strain into a highball glass with fresh ice. Garnish with an orange wheel. Quote du Jour: Waiter: Ahh, Chicks? Don't worry for her, huh? Love, it's a motherfucker, huh? Waiter - Old School Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - www.fisherhouse.org Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wymshow – @wymshow iTunes – itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch…d1065059804?mt=2 Sound Cloud –@watchyourmouthpodcast Stitcher – www.stitcher.com/podcast/watch-your-mouth-podcast Spreaker – www.spreaker.com/show/watch-y

Summary: The lads discuss restaurant etiquette and how they handle it. Dan comes up with the perfect drink to accompany Dan's Arcade, and. It's. Awesome. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: The Fucking Pencil - Pour a double of Vodka - Dip a fucking pencil in Grenadine Drop the Grenadine soaked pencil in your Vodka (you can chill it if you like). Destroy your liver like John Wick destroys literally everyone. Good work Dan! Quote du Jour: Monty - You know, we should probably feel guilty, but she broke the cardinal rule: Don't FUCK with people that handle your food. Monty - Waiting... Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - www.fisherhouse.org Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wymshow – @wymshow iTunes – itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch…d1065059804?mt=2 Sound Cloud –@watchyourmouthpodcast Stitcher – www.stitcher.com/podcast/watch-your-mouth-podcast Spreaker – www.spreaker.com/show/watch-your-mouth-p

Summary: The lads discuss certain products they will never skimp on and for very good reasons. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: The Last Word - 3/4 oz. Gin - 3/4 oz. Green Chartreuse - 3/4 oz. Maraschino Liqueur - 3/4 oz. Lime Juice or Lemon Juice Or just equal parts. That's easier to say. Add all ingredients to a mixer with ice and shake the shit out of it. Strain into a martini glass to be classy as fuck. Quote du Jour: Billy Madison - [to Miss Lippy] Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog gets lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog. Billy Madison - Billy Madison Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - ww

Summary: We kick off Semester 8 with the introduction of our new recipient of our charity Swear Jar, catch up with each other, reveal a long over do cocktail du jour, and discuss guilty pleasure TV shows. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Jessica Cocktail du Jour: Margarita - 3/4 oz. Freshly Squeezed Lime Juice (or go the lazy route and use sour mix) - 1 oz. Cointreau, Triple Sec, or any other Orange Liqueur - 1 1/2 oz. Tequila Add the ingredients to a shaker and fill with ice. Shake well and strain into a salt-rimmed (optional) cocktail glass with fresh ice. Garnish with lime. Drink a lot of these, they are pretty damn great. Quote du Jour: Chili Palmer - You know that unless you willing to use the R rating you can only say the F word once? Tommy Athens - Your kidding me? Chili Palmer - Nah. You know what I say? Fuck that? Chili Palmer and Tommy Athens - Be Cool Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Charity: Fisher House Foundation - www.fisherhouse.org Links: Facebook – www.fac

Summary: We wrap up Semester 7 with reading listener entries for the Zombie Game and select the winner of the "Big Bag of F#@k No" Prize Pack! In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Champagne - Open bottle - Enjoy The bubbly is great because you'll feel high class Quote du Jour: Mr. Eddy - [to a tailgater after running him off the road] Don't tailgate! Don't you fucking ever tailgate! Do you know how much space is needed to stop a car traveling at 35 miles per hour? Six car lengths! Six fuckin' car lengths! That's a hundred and six fuckin' feet, mister! If I had to stop suddenly, you woulda hit me! I want you to get a fuckin' driver's manual, and I want you to study that motherfucker! And I want you to obey the the goddamn rules of the road! Fifty-fuckin' thousand people were killed on the highways last year 'cause of fuckin' assholes like you! Tell me you're gonna get a manual! Mr. Eddy - Lost Highway Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Links: Facebook – www.facebo

Summary: The lads discuss New Year's resolutions and why they can go fuck themselves. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Special Guest - Super Fan Adam Joiner! Cocktail du Jour: Creamcicle Fizz Rim champagne flute w/ sugar In a cocktail shaker: - 1/2 c ice - 1 oz OJ (or Blood OJ) - shake and strain into flute - top with equal parts champagne, cava, and prosecco - Garnish w/ orange slice Ken's variation: the Fancy Larry: same as above, just use 1 of the 3 bubblies, and add triple sec Quote du Jour: Willie: [snores loudly and alarm clock buzzes and plays Holly Jolly Christmas, struggles to turn off the alarm clock and then unplugs it] Fuckin' shit! Fuck you! [throws radio] Willie: Fuck you! [throws beer bottle] Willie: Fuck you! [throws another bottle] Willie: Fuck you! [throws yet another beer bottle] Willie - Bad Santa Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wymshow – @wymshow iTunes – itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w

Summary: The lads discuss the art of giving gifts. Dan of course being the master of it. In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Wassail - 2 quarts apple cider - 2 cups orange juice - 1/2 cup lemon juice - 12 whole cloves - 4 cinnamon sticks - 1 pinch ground ginger - 1 pinch ground nutmeg In a slow-cooker or a large pot over low heat, combine apple cider, orange juice and lemon juice. Season with cloves, ginger and nutmeg. Bring to a simmer. If using a slow cooker, allow to simmer all day. Serve hot. Get fuckin' plastered and go sing to some trees. Quote du Jour: Clark - This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. Clark - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “

Summary: The lads talk about some holiday traditions they have (**Spoiler Alert** Booze is involved). In the Studio: Dan Ken Critter Cocktail du Jour: Poinsettia - Champagne - Cranberry Juice That's it, don't make it more difficult. Go half and half or better yet, mostly champagne then just a splash of cranberry juice. Garnish with a cherry and get holiday blitzed! Quote du Jour: (Cheers and Happiness from the whole crew) Charlie - Yea let's have a good Christmas! Frank - Hey, what about me? Dennis - You go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass! Charlie, Dennis, and Frank - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Intro/Outro music from Haggis Rampant’s new album, “Burly!” Links: Facebook – www.facebook.com/wympodcast Twitter – twitter.com/wymshow – @wymshow iTunes – itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch…d1065059804?mt=2 Sound Cloud –@watchyourmouthpodcast Stitcher – www.stitcher.com/podcast/watch-your-mouth-podcast Spreaker – www.spreaker.com/show/watch-your-mouth-podcast Merchandise – www.cafepress.com/wymm