Clarity On Fire

Five years ago, I would’ve done anything to have a full-time coaching business. I’m sure I bored my friends and family to death by incessantly talking about it. But I couldn’t help it — it was practically all I thought about. I was beyond impatient, but it’s just because I wanted it so badly. It seems so silly now, but I remember one desperate night writing a letter to God or the Universe or Life itself (whoever happened to be listening) saying that if only I could have a full-time business, I would be content. I wouldn’t need much else in life. Hah! I genuinely believed that if I got this thing I deeply desired, that everything else would fall into place and I’d be free of my intense longing. I’d like to blame it on the naiveté of youth (I was 23, after all — brand new into the working world), but I think we all have moments like this, regardless of age or experience. We want to get the thing we most desire, because then we could finally be rid of that painful feeling of wanting something you don’t have. But

Last week we introduced you to the Enneagram—a personality assessment that may just be the Holy Grail of all personality tests, if you ask us. If you haven’t listened to part one of our conversation about The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson from last Friday, then be sure to go back and listen to that first! You’ll get a good summary of what the Enneagram is, how it can help you understand yourself, and each of the nine personality types. On this episode, we’re diving even deeper into each of the 9 types and talking about: The “9 deadly sins” associated with each personality type. The unconscious childhood messages that each type received, and the problems that caused later in life. The red flags and wake up calls to pay special attention to for each type. How you can use the Enneagram to evolve out of your worst patterns and grow into a content, fulfilled, passionate person. After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know your Enneagram type and how you resonate with it!

As a highly sensitive person prone to anxiety, SO much of my life has been about trying to control my circumstances to make it easier for me to relax and feel secure. (I recently wrote about the connection between perfectionism and being a highly sensitive person, which you should definitely check out if you haven't.) If I get too unconscious, I can still easily slip into feeling overwhelmed and out of control. But after reading this blog that I wrote 4.5 years ago, I realize I've come a long way, considering I don't relate to most of this anymore (at least not to the hardcore degree I was accustomed to back then). At the time, I wrote about the daily struggle to cross everything off of my to-do list because I was in the thick of the struggle. Now, I share it with you in case you still are in the midst of that same purgatory: Nine times out of ten, I feel instant anxiety when I wake up in the morning. Most of the time, my daily to-do list starts playing on repeat in my mind before I’ve even consciously realiz

Every once in a while you stumble across something that makes you go, “Where have YOU been my whole life?!” Sometimes it’s a hot person, other times it’s a meal that’s so good you want to cry, and if you’re a nerd like we are, then sometimes it’s a personality assessment. The Enneagram is like nothing else we’ve ever taken or learned about! Some assessments are cute and fun to flirt with, but others are marriage material—serious and intense and make you kind of sweaty, but in a good way. That’s totally the Enneagram. We dove deep into a classic Enneagram book, The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, for this bonus book club episode. And in fact, there is SO much to say about the Enneagram that this is part one of a two-part series! Part two will be coming out next Friday, the 30th. On this episode, we’re getting into: What the Enneagram is, where it comes from, and exactly what it can tell you about yourself (spoiler alert: A WHOLE LOT). A summary of each of the 9 Enneagram types. Th

Guys, IT’S HAPPENING. Getting Over People Pleasing is finally here and open for enrollment! If you’re not on the VIP list yet, you really should be because we’re emailing anyone on that list a code for $50 off the course (good through this Friday, August 23rd)! Oh, AND we’re gifting a free coaching session, at random, to TEN people who sign up during the enrollment period (but again, only if you’re on the VIP list). The major things you’ll want to know are below, so scroll down for more info! Instead of a new blog today, we’re spending some time on the podcast talking about the 1 thing you’re NOT going to hear us talk about in Getting Over People Pleasing, and why. It may surprise you. Plus, we answer a burning question from someone who’s worried that maybe it’s wrong to leave her people-pleasing ways behind. GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT UNTIL AUGUST 27 Because this course is brand new, we’re not setting a limit on the amount of people who enroll (BUT, if there start to be too many peo

One of the many jobs that I, Rachel, had in the years after graduating college was admin at a criminal defense law firm. I encountered a whole new level of humanity in the year I worked there. I had two convicted murderers compliment me on the quality of my work … which I was not at all sure how to take, ha! Without getting into the gross details (because you really don’t want to hear what happened), one of those murderers was appealing his case because the officer who discovered the body of the victim had done so without a proper warrant. In legal terms, even though it was beyond evident that he was guilty, the discovery of the body was fruit of the poisonous tree—AKA, if the source of the evidence is tainted (obtained illegally), then anything gained (the “fruit”) from it is tainted, too. Moving on from the macabre … this metaphor has more than just legal implications. It’s the perfect way to describe what’s going on in our brains, too. On this episode, we’re getting into: How one seemingly innocuous incid

Tell me if you can relate to this: You’re sitting in a work meeting, and someone says something you disagree with. You think about speaking up to share your opinion or different idea, but the little voice in your head says, "Ehh, don’t bother, it’s not worth it." (Then later, you kick yourself when someone else shares the same idea you had.) Or you’re talking to your mom/sister/friend/spouse/etc., and they say something that totally rubs you the wrong way. You feel hurt, annoyed, and resentful, but when you consider bringing it up with them, you immediately think, “This isn’t worth making a big deal about. Just let it go.” (Except the next time that same person gets under your skin — and they inevitably will — the resentment shows up again, and it’s even bigger this time.) Or your manager gives you overly critical feedback on an assignment, even though you worked your ass off to meet his impossible deadline. You want to stand up for yourself, but once again you think, “What’s the point? It’s not worth it.” (B

You’re in for a real treat this month—We’ve got not one, not two, but three normal people coming at you! In honor of our upcoming course, Getting Over People Pleasing, we sat down with two of our very best friends (Stacy Campesi and Joanna Platt, who you may remember from their past expert appearances on the podcast) to talk about all the ways that people-pleasing has affected them, and Kristen (as the sole non-people-pleaser in the room, Rachel had fun playing moderator!). All four of us are trained coaches, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of challenges and struggles to work through when you’ve got the disease to please. The four of us got into: Some of Stacy, Joanna, and Kristen’s earliest memories of people-pleasing, and their theories about what solidified the issue from a young age. How the disease to please negatively impacted their relationships, and how those relationships improved when they let go of the compulsion. Their advice for weathering the discomfort of not pleasing 24/7, and other

I’m living a very different life than I thought I would be four or five years ago. It’s easy, when you’re looking ahead to the future, to visualize only the golden, stellar, awesome parts. Obviously, right? I mean, who sits around visualizing the mundane and tedious and frustrating bits of their future? I certainly didn’t. All I saw, four or five years ago, was a life of purpose and ease — days full of meaningful client sessions, bountiful green juices, leisurely yoga afternoons … basically your stereotypical cool-girl Instagram feed. Flash forward to the present, and … I've been to yoga once in the past six months and I still don't own a juicer. I do have plenty of clients, and they certainly fill my career with meaning and purpose (as does hosting this podcast, writing blogs, and leading our online programs). But in my rosy visualizations, I never pictured what owning a business is actually like — the unpredictable income, the necessity of playing almost ALL of the roles that would normally be divided amon

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode, we’re answering questions from: Samantha, who can’t figure out whether she should keep living in the city or trade that in for more fresh air and space in the country. How do you make a decision when both options seem good in their own way? Grace, who’s starting her own business and has a LOT of ideas about how she could potentially make money, but is scared to choose one for fear that it won’t work and she’ll have chosen wrong. How do you narrow down and focus, especially when it feels important to get it right from the beginning? Carrie, who is massively regretting RSVP-ing yes to a bachelorette party from hell. She wants to back out, but is afraid of the hurt feelings and bad impression that might ensue. How do you say no without everyone hating you? Aft

Several months ago, I was helping facilitate a multi-day business training. I didn’t know any of the other instructors, so when I showed up on the first day, I introduced myself to the training team. I instantly got a weird vibe from the head trainer.  She ignored my introduction entirely and started spouting off everything that still needed to be done before we could get started. Her frantic energy was palpable, and I could sense it was putting the rest of us on edge. “She’s probably just nervous about pulling off a great event,” I thought to myself. “Once everything’s ready to go, I’m sure she’ll settle down and be more personable. Don’t think too much of it.” But once the students showed up and the head trainer started her presentation, my uneasy feeling only intensified. Her exuberant positivity felt inauthentic and staged, and frankly, it made my skin crawl. She seemed much more interested in sharing stories of her own achievements rather than teaching helpful business concepts. And she would promise tha

We’ve certainly been known to work some magic in people’s lives. Career direction, life fulfillment, relationship satisfaction, spiritual peace—we can get you there. But as magical and life-changing as coaching is, there’s a limit to our fairy godmother-esque powers! When it comes to the nitty-gritty details of helping you find the perfect job (after we’ve helped you figure out what that job is), we’re more pumpkin than golden carriage. But never fear! Because that’s why we’re so eager to talk to people like Susan Levine, a master recruiter with nearly forty years of experience helping people actually find (and get hired for) their ideal job—she picks up the magic wand at the place we put it down. In this month’s interview we asked Susan some of our most burning questions about finding and getting your dream job: What are the reasonable (and unreasonable) expectations of what you can get out of a job? What does an employer really want to see or hear from you? What is working with a recruiter like? What’s the

You've probably heard that oft-repeated, likely untrue anecdote about frogs: If they start out sitting in cool water, and the temperature is gradually raised bit by bit, they’ll never jump out. They’ll end up boiling themselves to death without ever realizing it. And now you’re thinking, “Wow, super weird and depressing intro to a blog! Thanks, Rachel.” I know! Forgive me. It’s just … I AM that frog sometimes. Personally, I feel like this is exactly what getting into a state of deep overwhelm is like. One day I wake up to find myself anxious, panicked, rushed, and overwhelmed (aka, neck deep in boiling water), and I can’t tell when it started. It came on so gradually that I didn’t notice until I was already way far gone! I share this today because, quite frankly, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, and it is so uncomfortable. It’s hard to know what to do when you’re in this state — you certainly can’t think very clearly, and you have NO idea where to begin unwinding the mess you’re in. And when you feel lik

All of us know at least one blatant, dare we say egregious, people-pleaser. Maybe it’s your mom, or your best friend, or your boss … or maybe it’s you. But we’ve noticed a pattern lately, and we think you need to be clued into it: Some of the worst offenders when it comes to people-pleasing don’t realize they’re people-pleasers! In fact, we’ve had clients who vehemently denied being a people-pleaser — they insist they don’t care what people think — only to be a bit shellshocked after we demonstrated just how perfectly they fit the mold. In this month’s brand-new Side Chat we got into: Our definition of people-pleasing, so we’re all on the same page. The 3 types of people-pleasers: One is obvious, two are far less conspicuous, but all are equally problematic. The first steps you should take, regardless of which type you are, to free yourself of this affliction. After you’ve listened, leave a comment to let us know which type of people-pleaser you most identify with! GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEAS

Instead of a new blog, on today’s episode of the podcast we’re taking a few minutes to clue you in to two MORE major developments in the Clarity on Fire universe! BIG ANNOUNCEMENT #1 Our new course, Getting Over People Pleasing, will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th! This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year. It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts. There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories. This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.  Because isn't that the biggest problem? Most of you already know what your issues are; you know what you should and shouldn't be doing, but it's hard to grapple with the discomfort of making necessary changes on your own! Consider this c

After years of job hopping (including starting her own side gig), hoping to find the right fit, Ella recently landed a job that by all counts should have been her “dream job.” And yet, she felt strangely conflicted about it right from the initial interview. On her very first day of the new job, she knew this was utterly wrong for her. So what happens when you get your dream job … and you hate it from Day 1? Cue panic, confusion, and plenty of existential questioning. Now, Ella will tell you that getting that “dream job” (including all of the previous jobs leading up to it) was exactly what she needed to identify her deeper purpose and give her more clarity than she thought was possible for her. Listen in to this week’s interview with a normal person as Kristen and Ella talk about… The frustration and self-judgment that comes from job hopping and never feeling quite satisfied with any job. The emotional rollercoaster that ensues after you get your “dream job” and hate it. How everything along your path is happ

A client of mine recently wrote to me saying: “I feel like at my age, I’m SO far behind and need to be insanely productive every single day.” She was referring to feeling behind in her career, which is something I hear all the time from my clients (regardless of their age). But feeling behind can spill into every area of your life. If your friends start getting married while you’re still single, it can make you feel behind. When your colleagues all have mortgages and you’re still renting a tiny apartment, it can make you feel behind. When you scroll through social media and see all of your high school friends posting baby pictures, it can make you feel behind. If you see someone else living out your dream career and you’re still stuck at the same old company, it can make you feel behind. What’s going on to make us all feel like we’re falling behind? In this week’s blog (which is a throwback from 2017), I’m offering one big shift to help you stop feeling so behind, as well as a better way of measuring your pro

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode, we’re answering questions from: Sarah, who’s trying to eat better and get in shape, but keeps rebelling against even the most reasonable calorie limits that her nutritionist sets for her. How can she meet her goals without constantly rebelling and self-sabotaging? Terece, who has energy vampires in her family that she can’t fully cut out of her life. How do you deal with toxic family members, especially when putting up boundaries with them often makes you feel worse? Dheesha, whose long history of mental illness has made it much harder for her to succeed in traditional ways that come easy to other people—stellar grades, prestigious degree, steady resumé, etc. How does someone who isn’t neurotypical find a comfortable job that they enjoy, especially when they

Back in college I did a case study about something I thought was wild at the time … It was called Second Life. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It was a virtual-reality online game that connected hundreds of thousands of users around the world. You built an entire life — complete with houses, jobs, pets, and spouses — inside this game. I was fascinated by the intersection between real-life and virtual reality. I read stories about people on Second Life who played 8 or 9 hours a day — to the point that their “second life” felt more like real life than their actual life. I read about people whose virtual reality persona married another person’s virtual reality persona … and the legal ramifications that ensued when the real-life spouses found out. I also read about people spending real-life currency on completely virtual products, which was the major question underlying my project: Is there a real-life market for unreal products? Turns out the answer was yes. Big companies like Coca-Cola were actually considering selli

A few weeks ago Kristen and I were out to lunch and we couldn’t help but overhear the conversation happening between the people at the next table.

 The man said to the woman, “If millennials had helicopter parents, then Gen Z has snowplow parents—They’re constantly clearing any obstacles or difficulties in their kids’ path.” 

We were intrigued and, quite honestly, it’s hard to deny the truth of that. We can all think of plenty of examples that prove that point.

 What baffled our unwitting lunch companions, and us too, is how short sighted “snowplow parenting” is. 

When a kid reaches adulthood and they’ve NEVER had to struggle, fail, be rejected, or challenge themselves, then they are completely unequipped for life in the real world. They become incredibly fearful, anxious, and overwhelmed, to say the least. 
 Failure, struggle, and rejection help people grow and become healthy, well-adjusted adults. But most of us are still afraid of those things, even if we’ve been through them before.
 In this month’s i