Clarity On Fire

Today’s episode was going to be a new normal person interview, but our normal person wasn’t feeling well at the last minute (no expectations, right?), so we’re pushing that episode back until later this month and giving you a bonus side chat today, instead! Since we were planning on talking to our normal person about something big she abruptly quit, we thought it would be fun to continue with that theme and share all the things that we have abruptly quit over the years. We’re getting the time that… Rachel left the prestigious university she attended as a freshman Kristen joined the corps of cadets at her college, only to drop out 6 weeks later Rachel, a straight-A student to her core, shrugged her shoulders and flunked a community college course Kristen quit a job after 5 weeks …and more illuminating and embarrassing stories! Turns out your life doesn’t have to be a logical, measured straight line. You can be a bit of a hot mess and still end up where you’re supposed to be. And of course, we’d love to hear

I may have grown up watching my brother play football and seeing college and NFL games on TV every weekend for months on end, but 95% of it didn’t sink in. I’d always rather be reading a book. Sorry, family! But you know what I do love? Friday Night Lights. You don’t have to love football to be heart-eyes for Matt Saracen and Tim Riggins, and to want to model your entire romantic relationship off of Coach and Tami Taylor (are Kristen and I the platonic Coach and Tami?? Discuss). It’s a near-perfect show that pulls at your heartstrings and makes you believe in the underdog. And maybe it’s because it’s fall, and therefore football season, or maybe it’s because we’ve only got a few months left in what’s been a wild year (to say the least), but to me it feels like we’re collectively the underdog right now—it’s the fourth quarter, time is ticking, and it would be easy to give up. This is when Coach Taylor would remind us: “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.” As in, play your heart out, kid. Be big and bold and b

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. This month we answered questions from: Margot, who’s into our idea of having no expectations for the rest of 2020, but suspects she’s overthinking it. She has a few big things she wants to make decisions about … but is having no expectations an excuse for procrastination and laziness? Happily Childless, who is tired of feeling like a second-class citizen for not having (or wanting to have kids). She doesn’t want to keep working long hours or holidays because people with kids aren’t available! How can she make her employers and friends see that a child-free person’s life and time are just as valuable? Rose, who is frustrated by the one-sided conversations with her husband. He supports her love of personal growth, but he doesn’t easily reciprocate when she wants him to open up

In times like these, it can be especially hard to tune into your intuition and receive guidance. Fear and uncertainty create a LOT of noise, both internally and externally! And, ironically, it’s exactly when we’re most afraid and unsure that we most need to be able to receive wisdom and inspiration. Back in April we started doing regular “Message from the Universe” episodes to help get us through the pandemic. While we stopped doing them regularly a few months ago, we promised they’d be back at random, probably when you most needed a little encouragement! So, if you’re having a hard time getting calm, quieting your mind, and tuning in lately (understandable, if so!), we hope this message will give you an extra boost of guidance today. We pulled 3 cards from each of two different oracle decks. One or both has a message for you! Click here to see the cards, as well as read the description of each! After you listen, come leave a comment to share how the message landed with you. MORE ABOUT TODAY’S READINGS We use

A while back, I happened upon a quote as I was scrolling through Instagram that felt like a benevolent smack in the face (if there is such a thing): “The true joy of life is being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” –George Bernard Shaw I mean, DAMN. That’s some deep wisdom and a sick burn rolled into one! I immediately took a screenshot and told Kristen that we MUST talk about this quote on the podcast. So, on this Magic 8-ball episode originally from August 2018, we’re breaking down this mic-drop moment by George Bernard Shaw and getting into…
 Why your purpose doesn’t need to be impressive or seem purposeful to anyone else. How you can be fulfilled without needing to feel like the most significant person in the room. Why it’s critical for you to questio

Where were you on New Year’s Eve 2019? Or, more to the point, what were you thinking about and planning on for the new year (and decade) ahead? Because we’re pretty sure you didn’t plan on … whatever 2020 turned out to be, globally or personally. And it ain’t over yet. If there’s a lesson to be taken from the supreme weirdness of this year, it might be the futility of trying to predict what’s going to happen. That sounds depressing, but we don’t mean it like that. In this month’s brand-new Side Chat, we’re challenging you all to something we’ve decided to do (and have encouraged all of our clients to do, too): Set aside LITERALLY ALL of your expectations for the rest of the year. Your financial situation? No expectations! Your relationship status? No expectations! Your moving plans? No expectations! Your career goals? No expectations! We made a good case for why you should get on board. We talked about … What counts as an “expectation,” and what doesn’t. Why having NO preconceived notion of what’s “supposed”

If you’re someone who’s been wanting to flex your creativity muscle, but keeps feeling stuck — by lack of inspiration, or a fear of not being good enough, or the struggle to find time for creativity — this episode is for you. Todd Searle is a creator by nature, and yet he kept finding himself in jobs where his creativity felt stifled. He’s had dozens of ideas for businesses and creative projects over the years, but none of them seemed to work out the way he’d hoped. So he realized that if he was ever going to achieve his big dreams, he needed a new approach. So he wrote and published a book! And not just any book — a book about creativity, where he interviewed successful entrepreneurs and creatives to get their insight into how he could turn his big dreams into reality. And now he’s sharing what he learned with us! In this week’s interview with a normal person, Kristen & Todd got into… The difference between “Regretters” and “Dreamers,” and Todd’s experience in each category. Specific steps Todd took to

You know that uneasy feeling you get when you know you’re doing something that’s not good for you … but you keep doing it anyway? Maybe you’re staying in a job or a relationship that isn’t really working, or you keep making excuses for why you don’t have time to go to the gym. Whatever’s causing you to be out-of-alignment, it gives you that awful, knot-in-your-stomach, uncomfortable-in-your-own-skin, shifty kind of feeling. I’ve been feeling that way a bit lately. As a coach who’s trained to intuitively pick up on these inconsistencies in other people, it’s particularly uncomfortable to get this feeling myself. I realized I haven’t been the best at walking my own talk in one major way the past few months, so I’m outing myself in the name of getting back on track. I’m forever telling my clients to pay less attention to what they don’t want, and to focus more on what they do want. In other words, stop complaining about what’s not working and start noticing and appreciating what is working. Why? Because what you

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. This month we answered questions from: Alexandra, who’s noticing a pattern at work of being treated differently than her colleagues. When does feedback stop being constructive and start being toxic? Jess, who’s been in a relationship with a great guy for 9 months, but every time things feel too good to be true she instigates drama. Why does she keep self-sabotaging, and how can she stop before she pushes him away for good? Bailey, who’s starting a new job and is afraid her poor time management skills are going to cause her to fail. She’s tried apps, planners, and all sorts of structures and systems. Nothing works! Is it possible to get better at managing time? Or is this just how she’s wired? Leave a comment after you’ve listened to share how our advice for these listeners

Amin Lakhani was born with a neuromuscular condition called Charcot-Marie-Tooth Syndrome (type 1b) which causes his muscles to atrophy over time. Growing up, his parents gave him a very specific message – “Amin, you won’t be able to perform physical labor, so you have to study and work hard if you want to succeed in life.”

 So he did. He was a straight-A student, graduated from an Ivy League University, and landed his dream job at Microsoft. By all external metrics of success, he was killing it. But internally, he was desolate. He had few friends and had never been on a date. There had to be more to life, right? 
When he finally mustered the courage to ask a girl out, the stars seemed to align because she said yes! But after their first (incredibly awkward) kiss, she said, "I’m sorry, I don't know how any woman could be attracted to a guy in a wheelchair." That was his absolute rock-bottom. So, he hired a dating coach. Over years of investing in himself, he learned how to form meaningful connections. People

All of us know at least one blatant, dare we say egregious, people-pleaser. Maybe it’s your mom, or your best friend, or your boss … or maybe it’s you. But we’ve noticed a pattern lately, and we think you need to be clued into it: Some of the worst offenders when it comes to people-pleasing don’t realize they’re people-pleasers! In fact, we’ve had clients who vehemently denied being a people-pleaser — they insist they don’t care what people think — only to be a bit shell-shocked after we demonstrated just how perfectly they fit the mold. In this Magic 8-Ball episode we’re sharing a classic from last summer—The 3 types of people pleasers (& why you might unknowingly be one). We talked about: Our definition of people-pleasing, so we’re all on the same page. The 3 types of people-pleasers: One is obvious, two are far less conspicuous, but all are equally problematic. The first steps you should take, regardless of which type you are, to free yourself of this affliction. After you’ve listened, leave a commen

If you’d told me (Kristen) ten years ago that I’d be doing in infomercial FOR anger — as in, fully in support of and happily endorsing the expression of anger — I would’ve said you clearly have the wrong person. You see, as a lifelong people pleaser with a huge aversion to conflict of all kind, I prided myself on rarely (if ever) getting angry. I’m embarrassed to admit I even got on my high horse about it, and I’d judge people who would (gasp) express their anger outwardly. Clearly they were just less evolved than me. Yikes. How very wrong I was. I did feel anger (because I am, you know, human), but because I was so uncomfortable expressing it, it would leak out in gross, unhealthy ways (in my case, obnoxious passive aggressiveness). So over the years, I’ve changed my tune. I still don’t love anger — mine, or anyone else’s — but I clearly see its value and have learned healthy ways to express it. In this month’s brand-new Side Chat, we’re making a case for why it’s OK (necessary, even!) to feel angry, along w

A trend we’ve noticed with almost every people-pleaser we’ve coached (or anyone who cares too much about what others think) is that they have a really hard time knowing who they are and what they want. It makes sense. When you’ve spent your whole life looking outward—“What will make these people happy?” “Who do I need to be to be liked, loved and accepted?”—Then there’s no space to go inward and consider who you are and what you want. And sadly, often you’ve been actively discouraged from asking those questions at all. You’re told it’s “selfish.” You can probably relate, and so can Rachael Tomasello. In this month’s brand-new interview with a normal person, Rachel and Rachael got into… How Rachael spent a decade in a career that wasn’t aligned with her because it was what she was “supposed” to do. How she had to seriously tone down her natural personality and interests around her family, for fear of being judged and rejected. The challenges that popped up when she made a 180 pivot in her career toward someth

Terece Hahn had it all — the job she’d always dreamed of, a 6-figure income, a loving husband, the ability to travel and buy a home and do all the things she loved. And yet, she was miserable. Her job was making her burnt out, anxious, depressed, and totally unsure of herself. Her confidence took a nosedive, and she started questioning everything in her life. So what do you do when your dream job turns into a nightmare? Terece used that experience as a catalyst to go on a deep inner journey of figuring out who she is, what really matters to her, and what she wants most out of life. And now, two years later, she feels like a completely different — and much happier — person. For this week’s Magic 8 Ball throwback episode, we’re re-airing a normal person interview we did back in 2018. Listen in to hear Kristen ask Terece about: Her story about feeling lost and directionless after leaving school and getting a “real job.” How she built back up her confidence after it hit an all-time low. The huge perspective shif

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. This month we answered questions from: Dallying Dumper, who knows she needs to break up with her boyfriend, but can’t justify it yet because next month is the anniversary of his dad’s passing. What kind of person breaks up with someone when they’re in a bad state … and what kind of person doesn’t? Katie, who’s had fun opening herself up to signs and guidance from the Unvierse, but is struggling with a new challenge: How do you know which signs are important and which ones don’t really matter? We also share an update from one of last month’s questions—Claire, the queer woman with the homophobic ex-boyfriend, is back to let us know what she’s doing with our advice. Leave a comment after you’ve listened to share how our advice for these listeners resonated with you! Want to su

Calling all fellow bookworms, library nerds, and general lovers of literature — it’s time for another book club episode of the podcast! Whenever there are five Fridays in a month, we devote the extra Friday to a book that we can’t get enough of. In this episode, we’re diving into the New York Times bestseller I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown. The blurb on Amazon says it best: “From a leading voice on racial justice, an eye-opening account of growing up Black, Christian, and female that exposes how white America’s love affair with ‘diversity’ so often falls short of its ideals.” This book is simultaneously the shortest of any we’ve read on the podcast, and the one that produced the most pages of notes! There’s depth, wisdom, and challenge that will transform you in every page. We talked about… Austin’s lonely experience growing up between two worlds: “Too Black for the white kids and too white for the Black kids.” How the sometimes subtle, sometimes overt ra

Do you remember that scene in E.T. when he (E.T., that is) shuffles out of a closet wearing a dress, high heels, a blonde wig, and a little bowler hat? Yeah, I didn’t really remember it either, until Rachel brought it up. She was using that very vivid mental picture (you should really Google “E.T. in a wig” if you want a good laugh) to describe how she’s always felt about dating—she’s E.T. in a wig, and everyone else is a tan, gleaming contestant on the Bachelor. Obviously this made me LOL. Not only because it’s a hilarious analogy, but because from the outside, it’s patently ridiculous. Of course she’s not a weird alien, trying and failing miserably to perform a common human ritual (dating). But as dubious as it sounds to me, it feels true to HER, and that’s what impostor syndrome is all about—You’re constantly afraid that you’re going to be “found out” as the fraud you fear you “truly” are, regardless of how silly or illogical it seems on the outside. In this Magic 8-Ball episode from July 2018, we dived in

Lately, we’ve had multiple clients approach us with the same exact question (which is how we know it’s time to talk about it on the podcast!). It goes a little something like this: “So, my intuition was convinced that this thing (job/relationship/what-have-you) was right for me. I felt a strong sense of knowing. But then … that thing didn’t work out. What gives?? Was my intuition wrong? How do I know I can trust it if I feel strongly about something, then act on that guidance, only to be disappointed?” The idea of trusting your intuition? Easy. The reality? Messy. So, in this month’s brand-new Side Chat we’re delving into what happens when your intuition leads you astray. We talked about … The difference between your intuition being “wrong” and your interpretation of it being incorrect. How we get tripped up by focusing too much on the end result, instead of paying attention to what’s happening right now. Why it’s possible for your intuition to be right about something in the past, and for that thing to not

I tend to get wrapped up in my own thoughts. A lot. As in, I’ve gone on solo road trips and not even turned the radio on for hours. I’m very comfortable with silence. Because of this, I’ve heard the same kinds of comments from people close to me for my whole life: “You got really quiet all of a sudden. What’s going on?" Or, “You have to tell me how you’re feeling — I can’t read your mind!” Or, usually in an argument, “Are you even hearing me? Say something already!” The strange thing is, anyone who knows me well will tell you that I can be chatty. I used to bring report cards home from school with all A’s and a little X-mark that said, “Talks to her friends too much in class.” And if you’ve ever listened to our podcast, I think it’s pretty clear that talking — sometimes ad nauseam — about something I care deeply about is certainly not an issue of mine! So what’s going on? Why is it that I can be so talkative sometimes, and so quiet and pensive other times? It took me a long time to figure this out (and a lot

Rachel and I often encourage our clients to do informational interviews when they’re trying to discern whether a certain career path will be a good fit for them. Why? Because nothing quite beats hearing real people’s stories and getting honest feedback about the all questions you have (but maybe feel weird asking in a real interview). Usually when I suggest this, though, my clients feel super resistant to the idea. And I get why — it’s incredibly vulnerable to reach out to strangers and ask for help, guidance, feedback, or mentorship. Elise Austen felt just as resistant about trying informational interviews, but once she committed to it, she got better results than she could have hoped for. Not only did get she lots of clarity on what career track she wanted, but she ended up with some great friends and mentors who have gone above and beyond to support her. How did she do it?? That’s what I’m here to ask her in this week’s interview with a normal person. We got into… How having her plans completely derailed